NCAA Football General Cfb Insanity

Virtually every college athlete in the country is on Facebook now. This makes sense, it's hard not to be on Facebook if you're under 35, impossible if you're under 25. But Facebook has become a public relations minefield for major athletic programs across the country. Whether it's players being kicked out of school for making a threat in their status message (Wake Forest), posting racist comments about the newly elected President (Texas), setting off an internet firestorm over whether or not you actually posted messages on another person's wall (Georgia) or just having your idiotic responses to quizzes posted all over for others to enjoy (Michigan). This is just the tip of the Facebook iceberg, every program is in danger at every moment of every day. All of this attention and all of this danger raises an intriguing question: Is it time for athletic departments to ban their athletes from having social media profiles on Facebook, MySpace, and the like?

Recently, Stanford University unveiled its imaginative new slogan for the upcoming football season. Are you ready? Hold your breath. It's astounding, it's going to rock your world. "We work."

That's it.

The sum total of Stanford's distilled brilliance, the essence of sports. Shakespeare said, "Brevity is the soul of wit," so somewhere he's laughing. Everyone else? They want the athletic department to get a refund check.

You know 2009 is the the summer of NCAA violations when sports betting sites take aim at the action. In a sign as momentous as when the residents of Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed (this might be in my mind because I went to see the most epically bad movie of the summer in Year One. Seriously it's awful.), BetUS.com laid action on which school was the most likely to receive the next NCAA violation. NCAA president Myles Brand just broke a crystal gavel in the NCAA corporate offices.

USC leads the pack at 8-1, followed by Ohio State at 9-1, Florida and Ole Miss at 10-1. I think I speak for everyone when I say that Tennessee at 14-1 is an extremely attractive option. And how in the world is Iowa also 14-1, don't you at least have to have good players for penalties to seem likely? Or is that a subtle nod to the slow derailment that has been the Kirk Ferentz era? Regardless, I think we all know what this means, the NCAA enforcement procedure has become such a joke, that we can all have fun with teams breaking the rules. See no evil, hear no evil, fear no evil: Welcome to the 21st Century NCAA.

I don't know if the NCAA will officially release a statement acknowledging that their Web site overloaded this afternoon at 2 PM CT when the penalties against Alabama were posted, but for one hour around that time, it was impossible to access the site.

It would be fascinating to see the data of where the site traffic was coming from. My guess is the state of Alabama in first place, and the state of Tennessee in second place. Third place? The state of Louisiana. Followed by Mississippi and Georgia in fourth and fifth place. Seeing data on a day like this would serve to objectively catalog the relative hate and strength of rivalries in the Southland once and for all. But that's too much to ask, the NCAA can't even keep their Web site functioning. This was the message on the front page of the site:

NCAA.org is experiencing temporary technical problems. Please try again in a few minutes. Some services can still be accessed through the links below.

Its a day late but definitely not a dollar short, as the NCAA will reportedly come down on Alabama to the tune of an unknown number of vacated football victories between 2005 and 2007, three additional years of probation and a cash penalty, according to the Birmingham News.

Alabama football players and athletes in several other sports were involved in a prohibited textbook and materials disbursement scheme. It's seemingly benign stuff compared to recent allegations against Memphis and USC, but this is Alabama we're talking about, which seems to have its Brooks Was Here moment every time it finds itself paroled.

It's come to this, Alabama fans are tailgating outside of a new play based on Bear Bryant's life. Which is an improvement over what they would have been doing if Mike Shula was still coach, lighting themselves on fire with their red and white pom-pons in the parking lot. The play, entitled Bear Country, will be playing at Birmingham's Shakespeare Festival from August 6-20. It's already debuted to rave reviews and sellouts in Montgomery, Ala. In honor of the Bear, I decided that nothing would make more sense than a play about four fans tailgating before Bear's play begins. So here goes.

Characters:

Dale -- A 45-year old owner of an auto-body repair shop who fixes cars while wearing a houndstooth cap. His first child was named Bear, his second was named Bryant. He is now divorced.

In the past few years, many colleges have begun to roll out all-day football camps for women. Sometimes these situations become borderline awkward, such as when hundreds of female Virginia Tech fans took photos of players as they flexed in their underwear. Nothing kills the fun of college athletics more than your wife coming home with pictures of your favorite players wearing nothing but compression shorts. Now Lane Kiffin and Tennessee are joining other SEC schools like South Carolina and Georgia which have been offering women this experience for several years.

Only they're rolling out the university's No. 1 starlet to open up the festivities ... Layla Kiffin.

Over the weekend Florida cornerback Janoris Jenkins became the 24th Gator football player to be arrested in the past four years. Jenkins was tased after fighting with men he claims were attempting to steal his jewelry. That happens to all of us when we go out. You should have seen this dude step to me over my pinky ring the other night.

Much of the nation, among them the Florida fan base, collectively shrugged their shoulders. Unless, that is, you happened to be a rival of Florida's who has lost to them on the field in the past few years. Then you were outraged. That's how it goes with college football arrests; we're all a bunch of hypocrites. If our team wins we don't care if the entire team gets sent up the river together, as long as they're back by Saturday. Any amount of off-field incidents can be brushed aside, so long as you're successful enough on the field.

Saturday, Tennessee quarterback Jonathan Crompton became the latest college athlete to acknowledge receiving death threats. This adds Crompton's name to a growing list of players who have received death threats for on-field actions. You don't even have to be that famous anymore to draw fan ire. From West Virginia kicker Pat McAfee to Ohio State tight end Ryan Hamby, the past several years have seen a scary increase in threats of violence. Even though they might not have been publicized if you're a fan of a major college football team, chances are one of your players has received a death threat. And it's high time this ends. I mean, now, immediately. How? By prosecuting one of the boneheads who sends a threat to the fullest extent of the law.

Auburn's new coach Gene Chizik has remained under the radar thus far. Fortunately here at the ClayNation column we became aware that each new coach has to stand up and introduce himself to the other SEC coaches at the annual coaches meeting.

Fortunately we were able to capture the entirety of this fabricated introduction. And now we can fabricate it for your enjoyment today. Meet Gene Chizik. Already his introductory speech is being called the Gettysburg Address of Auburn football.