NCAA Football FanHouse

Baby Steps for Bruin QB

Sean Hawkins — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 10:10:00 EST

When you are an injury-prone quarterback coming up on your last season, you look for anything positive at this point. And when you are UCLA's new coaching staff, a group that suffered through losing both top quarterbacks on consecutive plays during the final spring practice, hope can be a fleeting thought that comes and goes. But finally, some good news out of Bruin-land, as UCLA's Ben Olson has officially started down the comeback trail.

Olson broke his foot in the spring, literally one play after incumbent starter Patrick Cowan blew out his ACL and was lost for the 2008 season. After surgery to insert a screw in Olson's foot and a couple of months of rehab, Olson appears to be making some progress, as he was cleared for practice late last week. Olson started some incremental treadmill training, running for two-minute segments while walking for one minute in-between.

"It's a huge relief," Olson said. "Any time you get hurt, you never know how long it will take. You question if you will ever be back. It's nice to feel that it's progressing and we're moving forward."

While Olson is relieved, the coaching staff led by Norm Chow has to be breathing a lot easier. The pickings behind Olson are slim, with San Diego State transfer Kevin Craft currently slated as the backup and redshirt frosh Chris Forcier still without a collegiate pass attempt. And, while a couple of minutes jogging on the treadmill are a little different than, say, trying to get out of the way of an oncoming pass-rush with only a couple of experienced linemen to protect you, well, still, baby steps are better than no steps at all.

Baby Steps for Bruin QB originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Mon, 07 Jul 2008 10:10:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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UCLA Offense Takes Another Hit

Sean Hawkins — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 09:39:00 EST

Filed under: UCLA Football, Pac 10

The UCLA offense is a little thin these days, what with starting quarterback Patrick Cowan and backup Ben Olson already nursing various injuries. Cowan is actually lost for the entire 2008 season after tearing his ACL, and Olson suffered a broken right foot late in spring ball and should miss most of the off-season training sessions. But now the offensive line has joined in, as projected starting right tackle Sean Sheller could be on the shelf for some time.

According to the LA Times, Sheller was injured over the weekend while riding an ATV. He suffered an open wound on his left ankle as well as an undisclosed injury to his left knee. An MRI is pending on the knee to determine how much damage was actually done in the accident.

An interesting angle is that the LA Times also reports in the same story that UCLA gained a JC tackle in Donovan Edwards. Edwards is a late signee who could be eligible to play immediately this fall, pending summer school results.

The troubling thing for UCLA is what this does to an already-thin offensive line. It's bad enough when you are without a couple of QB's and it's only June. But the Bruins were already down to two returning starters up front with the "Micah" duo of Micah Reed at center and Micah Kia at left tackle. Overall eight of the top 10 listed on the offensive line depth chart didn't even play a single snap last year, so potentially losing Sheller isn't exactly good news.

UCLA Offense Takes Another Hit originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Wed, 25 Jun 2008 09:39:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Four Things Worth Reading: The Return!

Brian Cook — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 16:29:00 EST

Filed under: Alabama Football, Auburn Football, Iowa Football, Penn State Football, UCLA Football, Blogs

A regular trip through the college football blogosphere.

1. That list is how long? A list of Penn State malfeasance since 2002 has been kicking around message boards for the past few weeks and may have even spurred ESPN to sic Outside the Lines on the Nits. It has 61(!!!) separate incidents featuring Penn State players and the long arm of the law. Or, sometimes, the long arm of nothing in particular:

53. Joe Paterno - Road Rage - No Charges

As much as we all love the possibly apocryphal JoePa road rage incident, it resulted in no charges and, uh, did not involve a Penn State player.

Many of the other incidents are arrests that resulted in acquittals or college kids getting busted for holding a half-full Natty Lite, which is punishment in an of itself. The list is overstated. But how much?

Run Up The Score breaks it down for you. The general conclusion:

All in all, the Penn State Nittany Lions don't have a widespread, 1988 Miami Hurricanes style criminal gang disguised in plain football uniforms. They have a drinking and fighting problem. Players aren't shooting guns or selling drugs. They're getting loaded and brawling. While I take modest comfort in the fact that the football roster doesn't double as a suspect list from The Wire, there is still a rather obvious behavioral problem within the program.

This is probably because the man they should fear more than any other is kind of ancient and "works from home."2. Bruins Nation is well-known around the college football blogosphere for one thing: blinding hatred of Karl Dorrell. And ridiculous expectations. Bruins Nation is well known around the college football blogosophere for two things: blinding hatred of Karl Dorrell, ridiculous expectations, and... incredibly soft lambswool kid gloves that apply silky lotion to the backside of Rick Neuheisel?

It is apparently so. Sunday Morning Quarterback takes a dryly hilarious look at a certain... difference in outlook now that a coach not universally regarded as incompetent has taken over. It's not in the direction you might imagine.

3. I object, dear sirs. It's one thing when the mainstream media derides all bloggers as mother's-basement living illiterate troglodytes. That's such an old saw now that it communicates more about the lame-stereotype proprietor than actual blogs. But what's with Paul Finebaum exalting the Capstone Report, the most mouth-breathing Alabama blog on the planet, one that accused the 'Bama players of being "without pride" and said they "didn't even want to know how to be champions" after last year's Louisiana-Monroe loss?

Finebaum is a cynical, joyless person who manufactures outrage for money, but exposing the Capstone Report to a wider audience only makes blogs look like sports talk radio, and that's too far. Auburn blog The Joe Cribbs Car Wash says this aggression will not stand, man, and fisks righteously.

Zinger incoming!

The point: if you've ever wondered what the hell kind of people would look at a manatee and come away telling everyone they'd seen a mermaid, the answer is the ancestors of Paul Finebaum.

Pow.

4. Don't mess with Gary Barta, Iowa Athletic Director, if you want to keep all your organs. (Language warning.)

Four Things Worth Reading: The Return! originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Wed, 18 Jun 2008 16:29:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Worst Moments in Big Ten Football History #3: 1984 Rose Bowl, Illinois vs. UCLA

Mark Hasty — Wed, 14 May 2008 15:17:00 EST

Filed under: UCLA Football, Big 10, Pac 10, Bowl Games, NCAA FB History, Los Angeles, Illinois Football

FanHouse is counting down the ten best, ten worst, and ten weirdest moments in the history of Big Ten football.

Above: Rick Neuheisel (right) and Troy Aikman in Neuheisel's first coaching stint at UCLA.

Not many people remember it, but for a few years in the early 1980s, the Big Ten played a full round-robin schedule, as opposed to the current "skip the same two teams for two years in a row" format that has been in place since Penn State joined the conference. During that brief period, one team actually managed to defeat all nine of its conference opponents: Mike White's Fighting Illini, in the 1983 season. The Angry Indigenous Woodlands People dropped their first game to Missouri, then ran off ten straight wins, entering the Granddaddy of Them All 10-1 and ranked fourth in the nation.

And on the other side of the field? Terry Donahue's UCLA Bruins, a team so dazzlingly awesome they went 0-3 in their non-conference games. The doddering Bruins won the Pac-10 almost by default that season; they were 6-1-1 in conference play (ties were still allowed back then), and 6-4-1 overall. (Can you imagine the outcry today if a six-win team got a BCS berth?)

So, obviously, there was no hope for the Bruins. You'll note, however, that this game wound up on the Big Ten's "worst moments," and of course there's a reason for that.

The reason is that, apparently, the world-beating Illini team that ran the table in the Big Ten was mysteriously replaced by the football team from Cal Tech.

On offense, the usually reliable Jack Trudeau stunk it up something fierce. He threw three picks, two of them to UCLA safety Don Rogers. Trudeau did manage to toss a touchdown in the fourth quarter, but his pass on the two-point conversion attempt failed. But, in Trudeau's defense, the rushing game literally did nothing to help him. Dwight Beverly and Thomas Rooks combined for all of 43 yards rushing, but there were so many plays which went for losses that Illinois wound up with a net rushing total of zero yards.

The Illini defense, on the other hand, was nothing less than brilliant, holding the Bruins to a mere 511 yards of total offense and only 45 points. This on a day when UCLA's quarterback woke up with food poisoning, for crying out loud. But that quarterback still managed to have a career day against Cal Tech Illinois, throwing for 298 yards and three touchdowns, two of them to the same receiver. The UCLA QB was Rick Neuheisel. The receiver was Karl Dorrell. That probably means something, but I'm not sure what.

What I am sure of is that this was hands-down the worst-ever performance by any Big Ten team in a bowl game, and yes, I am aware of the 2007 BCS Title Game. This was worse. Much worse. Florida, at least, was ranked.

Worst Moments in Big Ten Football History #3: 1984 Rose Bowl, Illinois vs. UCLA originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Wed, 14 May 2008 15:17:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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UCLA's Brittle Bruin Quarterbacks

Scott Olin Schmidt — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 12:01:00 EST

Filed under: UCLA Football, Pac 10, NCAA FB Injuries, Los Angeles

Last year, the University of California at Los Angeles went through four starting quarterbacks in a season which failed to meet expectations. New head coach Rick Neuheisel and offensive coordinator Norm Chow had hoped to turn the tide and avoid any quarterback controversy, naming Pat Cowan the starter in Spring Practice.

But just days after fifth-stringer Osaar Rashaan declared that he would start again as UCLA quarterback, he moved up to number three on the depth chart when Cowan and Ben Olson were carted off the field with injuries. Cowan, the erstwhile starter, will miss the 2008 season; Olson must recover from yet another surgery.

Things have gotten so bad that UCLA's coaches are now asking recruit Kevin Prince to leave school early in order to provide depth at the position. But Prince is still recovering from reconstructive knee surgery himself, so don't expect this high schooler to be a lucky charm to avoid injuries at the position!

But if things look glum in Westwood, Bruin fans can take consolation that they did not lose seven first- and second-round players to the NFL Draft!

UCLA's Brittle Bruin Quarterbacks originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Tue, 29 Apr 2008 12:01:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Quarterbacks Dropping Like Flies at UCLA

Adam Jacobi — Sun, 27 Apr 2008 17:15:00 EST

Filed under: UCLA Football, Pac 10, NCAA FB Injuries

Pat Cowan has actually never been photographed upright. He's always hurt.

We're not sure how Rick Neuheisel envisioned his new team's first season, but it's safe to assume that his ideas all included a decent quarterback at the helm. That, as it turns out, may prove to be presumptuous. The football gods were cruelly rapacious on Thursday, as two Bruins quarterbacks suffered significant injuries.

First, starter Pat Cowan went down with a likely severe knee injury. The to-be-senior had to be carted off, and offensive coordinator Norm Chow thinks he's toast. When asked if he expected the worst, Chow responded, "Oh, yeah....The way he went down. We've got to wait it out. I'm just telling you my opinion."

"How sure am I that he's done for the year? Well, molten lava came out of his knee after he hurt it, then a sword impaled him," Chow added.*

On the very next play, senior (citizen) playcaller Ben Olsen planted awkwardly and broke a bone in his foot. And lava came out of that too.**

Olsen should be healthy in plenty of time for the season, but UCLA was down to three quarterbacks for last night's spring game. Only converted wideout Osaar Rasshan has thrown a pass in NCAA play thus far (an underwhelming 17-of-45 last season), so it's safe to assume that the Bruins are eagerly anticipating Olsen's recovery.

A word of warning to Neuheisel: Olsen and Cowan both suffered through health problems last season as well, and the resulting 6-6 season was enough to get Karl Dorrell fired. We're not saying UCLA's itching for another firing this soon, but we are suggesting that the sooner you put Cowan and Olsen on a rocketship and send them into deep space, the sooner you can start building your franchise around a quarterback who won't splinter into a thousand pieces every time the wind blows.

*technically, Chow didn't say any of that, but it'd be great if he did.
**again, technically false, but a boy can dream.

Quarterbacks Dropping Like Flies at UCLA originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Sun, 27 Apr 2008 17:15:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Rick Neuheisel Allows Players to Skip Practice

Brian Grummell — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 21:55:00 EST

Filed under: UCLA Football, Pac 10, The Word

Not a good start as the supposedly cleaned-up coach rebuilds UCLA. From the Daily News' Brian Dohn:

UCLA's football practice is over, long before it was supposed as the players decided to use a long-time tradition and blow off practice after stretching by going over the wall. That said, the players ran through an open gate rather than climb over the wall at Spaulding Field.

UCLA coach Rick Neuheisel knows of the tradition, but basically said it was an odd time for it considering UCLA is installing a new offense and the offensive line needs loads of work.

Also, a number of high school coaches and recruits showed up for the practice, not to mention some referees. The assistant coaches were mostly stunned after Neuheisel visited with the players, then came back on the field to say practice was done.

In one swift act, Neuheisel willingly undermined himself before his players, his coaches and the lifeblood of any program: recruits. Nice work.

Oh, and that's just about the most pathetic school tradition I've ever heard of. The NCAA limits the hours and number of practices schools can arrange, so for UCLA to be wasting a practice like that is troubling.

(Via: WildWest)

Rick Neuheisel Allows Players to Skip Practice originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Tue, 15 Apr 2008 21:55:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Are Relations Thawing Between City Rivals USC and UCLA?

Brian Grummell — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 11:12:00 EST

Filed under: UCLA Football, USC Football, Pac 10, The Word

For years there has been talk of USC and UCLA returning to tradition and wearing contrasting uniforms at their rivalry game. Problem is, NCAA rules prohibit this practice and require that the offending team be docked a timeout.

It's a stupid rule, but to date the schools have obliged. It doesn't help that relations grew tense in the last year or two between the programs. Enter Rick Neuheisel.

In theory, the hyper-competitive Neuheisel should further the divide between the programs, but he and USC coach Pete Carroll at least publicly seem to respect each other. So much so, in fact, that next year may be an "Nixon visits China" moment in relations between the programs.

USC and UCLA are very close to announcing a novel idea to heat up their rivalry. Both teams will wear their home colors this season at UCLA's home game Dec. 6 in the Rose Bowl.

That means USC will wear maroon. The plan is for the Trojans to be penalized a timeout when they take the field in their homies. UCLA, then, at its first opportunity will call a timeout to even things up. Pete Carroll apparently has signed off on the p.r. strategy. What a way to ramp up the Trojans-Bruins rivalry.

You know what's next? Full diplomatic relations (yeh right!). Until anything happens this is all just talk and cutesy "Americans playing ping pong in China" type ice-breakers floated before the public. Hopefully it happens.

Previously at FanHouse
It's Time to Let USC and UCLA Party Like It's 1969
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Are Relations Thawing Between City Rivals USC and UCLA? originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Wed, 09 Apr 2008 11:12:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Recruiting: Sometimes Sons Say Sorry, Dad

Brian Grummell — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 12:18:00 EST

Filed under: Clemson Football, Georgia Football, UCLA Football, NCAA FB Recruiting, The Word, Oregon State Football

Few things in life are as heartwarming as a lifelong bond between father and son. Playing catch in the backyard. Going fishing. Hell, getting a little homework help. But then young men eventually grow up and gain independence and make decisions that take them away from their fathers.

Nowhere is that more public than in the recruiting game. Many times a player will stick with his father (see Luke Bellotti playing at Oregon for his father Mike Bellotti or quarterback Cody Hawkins heading to Colorado to play for his old man). But while blood may be thicker than water, sometimes blood doesn't have the pull it should.

Last year, Georgia coach Mark Richt's son Jon Richt pledged to play quarterback for Clemson over his fathers' Dawgs. No doubt a tough decision for a closeknit family like that. The separation continues this year as it is rumored UCLA defensive coordinator DeWayne Walker's son Kevan, a receiver prospect, will not stick with dear old dad at UCLA but instead play for the Oregon State Beavers.

The upshot to all of this is that while recruiting is a competitive, sometimes nasty business, coaches recruiting a fellow coaches' son must tone down his pitch which can only help but improve relations between coaches.

Recruiting: Sometimes Sons Say Sorry, Dad originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Wed, 06 Feb 2008 12:18:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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World Mourns as UCLA Towel Waver Retires

Brian Grummell — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 12:51:00 EST

Filed under: UCLA Football, Pac 10

Is the UCLA cheerleader sad that he's leaving? Or perplexed at the whole grown man swings incredibly long towel around his head thing? You decide.

UCLA's goofy sideline towel-waver guy is retiring. So sad.

Long-time UCLA assistant coach and current assistant director of academic services Ed Kezirian is retiring. He was a 13-year assistant coach under Terry Donahue, and served as the interim coach for the Bruins in the 2002 Las Vegas Bowl after coach Bob Toledo was fired.

To be fair, Kezirian was well-regarded in his administrative post. Plus, he owns the highest win percentage among UCLA head coaches (look it up!). And he does wave that towel really well. So he's got that going for him.

But it's like that scene from The Office where one-time temporary worker Ryan worries about being "that guy" -- crossword puzzle guy, crazy cat owner guy, etc. -- then ends up setting a small fire and becomes "fire guy". Ed Kezirian is one such guy, Towel Waver Guy.
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World Mourns as UCLA Towel Waver Retires originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Mon, 28 Jan 2008 12:51:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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UCLA Hires Norm Chow

Brian Grummell — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 00:49:00 EST

Filed under: UCLA Football, USC Football, Pac 10, The Word

Norm Chow is returning to the friendly confines of college football, taking the offensive coordinator position at UCLA.

Memo to USC: not good. Bruins coach Rick Neuheisel is a ticking time bomb, but he's basically assembled one of the finest coaching staffs in college football with Chow and defensive coordinator DeWayne Walker. Both are former assistants at USC under Pete Carroll.

UCLA football history is a mixed bag, so it's hard to tell where this 3-headed coaching monster can take them. But, well ... the sky really is the limit. Chow is the greatest offensive coordinator in college football history and Walker turned around a defense with a decade-long streak of woe. He then went about putting together what will be a top 10 recruiting class, stealing several prominent Los Angeles-area recruits out from under USC's nose. Throw in a man who can nearly match Pete Carroll when it comes to energy and enthusiasm in Neuheisel and the pieces are there to make something good.

UCLA's combination of hires should return the team to some form of sustained prominence and revitalize the rivalry with the cross-town rivals. Who knows, maybe they'll even think about bringing back the contrasting uniforms?

UCLA Hires Norm Chow originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Mon, 21 Jan 2008 00:49:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Rick Neuheisel Is Making Unsolicited Calls

Brian Grummell — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 13:00:00 EST

Filed under: UCLA Football, Pac 10, The Word

Sort of. Not really. Maybe. Read on.

The freshly hired UCLA coach is making the rounds, appearing on radio and television broadcasts wherever he can get attention. Cool. He's also making lots and lots of pre-recorded phone calls. Perhaps not so cool.

"Rrrriiiinggg . . . Rrrriiiinnnggg . . . Hello? [Pause] Who is it? Hi, I'm Rick Neuheisel . . . "

Most of the calls connect to UCLA fans, alums and ticket-holders. But not all of them which makes this interesting. Amusingly, a Georgia fan with no connection to UCLA also got the call and posted the message's audio for your listening enjoyment here.

It's basically a nice pitch about the greatness of UCLA the institution and UCLA the athletic department. At the very end there's a plea to buy season tickets and otherwise is an introduction to the new Bruin coach.

Harmless enough, but it's worth noting that if people with no connection to UCLA are getting the call, others might inadvertently be left with a message as well. Maybe people like hmmm . . . recruits? I don't think there's any funny business going on here, but you never know with Neuheisel and his track record of finding the gray areas when it comes to NCAA recruiting rules and regulations.

News like this makes me so very happy Rick Neuheisel is back in college football. He adds color to the game and should spice up the USC/UCLA rivalry. At the same time, expect more stories just like this to shadow him for the rest of his tenure at UCLA.
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Rick Neuheisel Is Making Unsolicited Calls originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Thu, 03 Jan 2008 13:00:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Neuheisel Named UCLA Head Coach

Charles Rich — Sat, 29 Dec 2007 16:14:00 EST

Filed under: UCLA Football, Pac 10, NCAA FB Coaching

Late in the Meineke Car Care Bowl, the ESPN play calling crew said that the AP is reported that Rick Neuheisel was named the UCLA football head coach. Sure enough, that is now showing up as a "breaking news" headline.

The former Colorado and Washington head coach played QB at UCLA from 1979 to 1983.

Earlier today, it was reported that UCLA was expanding the coaching search -- yet again.

UPDATE: Here's the UCLA Athletic Department press release.

"Rick has enjoyed great success throughout his career and we believe he is the coach who can take our program to the next level," said Guerrero. "His teams at Colorado and Washington continually challenged for conference championships and national rankings and that is what we are looking to do at UCLA.

"Rick is an outstanding coach and recruiter. He is outgoing and personable and can motivate our players, fans and supporters. We believe he is well equipped to lead the program and attain the success all Bruin fans wish to achieve."

"I know there are some issues in Rick's past that concern our constituency. We have discussed those at length with Rick and have investigated those issues with the NCAA. It has been at least five years and, in some cases, more than 10 years since the incidents occurred. We believe Rick has learned from those incidents and that he is more mature and experienced in the areas of compliance."

Probably smart to acknowledge out of the gate Neuheisel's well-questioned ethical and NCAA compliance issues,

Neuheisel Named UCLA Head Coach originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Sat, 29 Dec 2007 16:14:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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This Year In Schadenfreude

Brian Cook — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 13:00:00 EST

Filed under: Alabama Football, Louisville Football, Michigan Football, Notre Dame Football, UCLA Football, USC Football, Vanderbilt Football

scha·den·freu·de /???dn?fr??d?/
-noun

satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else's misfortune.

[Origin: 1890-95; < G, equiv. to Schaden harm + Freude joy]

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, (C) Random House, Inc. 2006.

On This Week In Schadenfreude we explore the sputtering rage, gibbering condemnation, and resigned ennui of the college football fan who has recently undergone humiliating defeat. Because even in your darkest hour, someone else is suffering too, and probably worse than you. Unless you are a Michigan fan who has just finished watching the Appalachian State game.

It's been a bang-up year in the laugh-at-your rivals department. As a fan, there's nothing more painful than seeing your team's shot at the ever-elusive mythical national championship go out the window because you can't beat some pissant like Stanford or Arkansas or Oregon State or Appalachian State or ... well ... not Oklahoma. But still. There was a large swath of the season in which unranked teams had a winning record over the #2 team. The most enormous upset in college football history was topped, then topped again* within a month of Appalachian State's blocked field goal.

And we tried to cover it all at the Fanhouse, at least after the two week period at the beginning of the season during which I huddled on the floor and tried really hard not to die. In the interregnum between the season and the bowls, then, let's review the year in pointing and laughing. Because the Motor City Bowl just isn't that interesting. After the jump: This Year in Schadenfreude.

*(in point spread terms, at least)

MOST OUTLANDISH EXPECTATIONS

For: the message boarder, commenter, or blogger with the most preposterously disconnected sense of his team's place in the heirarchy of college football.

You're Vanderbilt. The last time you had a winning record was 1982. In the past ten years your team has a cumulative record of 30-83, good for 113th of 119 eligible teams over at Stassen. This year you're 5-6 and attempting to lock down the unjustifiable bowl bid to end all unjustifiable bowl bids against a pretty good Wake Forest team. You lose in fairly ugly fashion, but without your starting quarterback.

Is this your reaction?

OUTRAGE
Commodore Nation should be incensed right now. We didn't just get beat by Wake Forest, we got destroyed.

Did you post a "should Bobby Johnson be fired" poll? Or declare this season -- the team's second-best since 1999 -- "a huge disappointment from the start"?

No? Well, then, that's why you didn't win this award and the Vanderbilt Sports Line did.

TEAM SCHADENFREUDE

For the team that brought opposing fans the most joy this year. Roughly measured by frequency of appearances with special consideration for "Tears of Infinite Sadness" victories.

This was a tight one. Michigan entered the year with national championship hopes, then promptly lost to a I-AA team. They were then blown out of the water by Oregon and lost to to their primary rival for the sixth time in seven years. They're scheduled to be demolished on New Year's Day in one of the most lopsided bowl matchups of the year. In any normal year, they would be runaway winners in this category.

But -- as anyone commentator even vaguely associated with college football will tell you -- this was no normal year in college football. Michigan's week three opponent, Notre Dame, rolled into town with a record as shiny and winless as Michigan. The table was set for a pillow fight of epic proportions. The result:

Michigan was a national laughingstock for two weeks at the beginning of the season and a month and a half at the end of it; an eight-game win streak in between kind of put a damper on things. There was no such solace for 3-9 Notre Dame, whose only victories came against Stanford, Duke, and UCLA's third-string walkon quarterback and his five turnovers. Super Genius Charlie Weis turned in the nation's worst offense, and then he did this:

All the while Notre Dame fans had a hilarious internal debate as to whether Charlie was permanently retarded or just, like, temporarily retarded.

Amazingly, Michigan could have pulled this out at the last second if their coaching hire went as badly as it looked like the search process was going. The initiation of the Brady Hoke era or, even more insane, the appointment of Ron English as an interim head coach would have signaled a death knell for Michigan football in the short term. But then they hired Rich Rodriguez, which is awesome.

PONTIAC PROGRAM-CHANGING SCHADENFREUDE OF THE YEAR

For the most generally humiliating moment suffered.

Though Michigan narrowly escaped ignominious victory in the last category, there is no freakin' way they weasel out of this one.

This is the moment:

And this is the very essence of schadenfreude captured on film:

Sigh. Have I mentioned we hired Rich Rodriguez?

THE SCHADENFREUDE-MAN

For the player, coach, or other figure tangentially connected to college football who brings the most joy to opponents. Reggie Ball would have run this four years running.

Bobby Petrino took off for the worst idea ever -- Vick-free Atlanta Falcons head coaching -- but left behind Brian Brohm, Mario Urrutia, and the rest of a high powered offense that had seen the Cardinals surge into national championship contention. In came Steve Kragthorpe from Tulsa, and off came the wheels.

First, there was the ominous Middle Tennessee game, in which the Cardinals gave up 42 points but managed to win. This "winning" did not so much happen against Kentucky, prompting this:

Kragthorpe

He doesnt know what hes doing. He doesnt know how to prepare against the big teams. Way too many of the same mistakes. I never thought Id say this but...I miss Petrino

by GoCards5 on Sun Sep 16, 2007 at 02:15:18 AM EDT

Which is sort of like a 'Bama fan saying "I never thought I'd say this, but I miss Bear Bryant," but whatever. So it was bad. Then they lost to Syracuse. Result? Impossibly Emo Song Lyrics!

I am drowning
There is no sign of land
You are coming down with me
Hand in unlovable hand
And I hope you die
I hope we both die

Card Chronicle decided to switch up its mojo by instituting "Go Cards Baby" midway through the season. UL managed a win, but then lost to Utah 27-21. Result? Go Cards Baby abdication!

I'm dragging myself away from the computer now before I ramble on for pages (like I always do, hehe), but before I go I'd just like to assure you that it's not me, it's you. I'd rather date one of the Federline babies than serve as the sacrificial mojo for the Cincinnati game.

Please don't write or try to contact me in any way ever again.

By the end of the year we were all wondering if someone could really get fired after one year, feeling bad for Brian Brohm, and generally having a laugh at the expense of one caveman-named coach.

MOST EMO POST OF THE YEAR

For the post, be it blog or message board, that reminds you the most of this.

USC fans have had it good the past few years. And by good we mean "Scarlett Johannsson riding a unicorn wearing bacon lingerie" good. As long as we make it clear that it's Johannson in the bacon lingerie, not the unicorn. Ew.

Anyway, they still have it good, as for the fifty-sixth consecutive year they have won the Pac-10 and will go to the Rose Bowl, where they'll face a third-place Big Ten team they'll crush by 100 points. But earlier in the year, the #1 team in all the land, a juggernaut of expectation, ran up against a raggedy Stanford team starting their backup quarterback, a man named Tavita Pritchard. Johnathan Tu described Pritchard like so:

... an earnest young lesbian ceramics associate professor yearning to set the world of cutting edge pottery on fire. And I do not mean that Tavita Pritchard sounds like a lesbian who teaches ceramics; I mean that Tavita Pritchard is the kind of name you'd associate with someone who teaches the art of lesbian ceramics, probably at your local community college but there's always that opening at Santa Cruz.

So ... losing to this person is not so good. Tu, in the aftermath, had all sharp objects forcibly removed from his presence:

Someone just ran over my puppy
His name is Jim Harbaugh. Not my puppy. My puppy is named Bonestorm. Jim Harbaugh ran over Bonestorm, the greatest puppy in the history of college football.

I think I might just drive straight back to California tomorrow and eat In 'n Out until I don't feel feelings anymore. Everything is dark and hopeless and devoid of meaning. I want a chocolate vanilla milkshake very badly right now. And two sausage McMuffin with egg sandwiches for two dollars. And heroin.

And his team ended up going to the Rose Bowl!

BEST AND MOST TRAITOROUS DECISION TO TAPE YOUR CRAZY FRIEND AND STICK IT ON YOUTUBE

Word.

Friends, they have no mercy.

MOST LIKELY TO ACQUIRE RESTRAINING ORDER

For the blogger or message board poster with the most crippling obsession with hating his coach.

Can this go to anyone other than Bruins Nation? No. No, it cannot. BN's campaign against Karl Dorrell has been relentless and, finally, successful. As UCLA flailed its way to another .500-ish season, managing losses to Utah and Notre Dame along the way, BN slowly lost what little sanity it entered the year with. Typical slice of rhetoric:

There is not much else to say about this clown and his overpaid joker assistants. At this point of time we just cannot take these clowns seriously. These people are either bold faced liars or seasoned con artists who are ripping UCLA of millions of dollars.

Again if these clowns had any sense of dignity and integrity they would submit their mass resignations these week instead of passing the buck and making weak, pathetic shameful excuses.

When it became clear that Dorrell's tenure was coming to a close, BN turned its guns on a potential Dorrellian successor:

Walker needs to be exposed for what he is: an average assistant coach at best, who in the eyes of some desperate UCLA fans, who are willing to settle for anything to get rid of Dorrell, is a credible candidate for UCLA's next football coach.

Last night's game should end those stupid wishes.

I hope this is an Ed Wood "your stupid, stupid minds!" callback but kind of doubt it.

BEST USE OF EXCESSIVE CURSING

For the best &#*@ing post of the year.

There are two strong contenders here. A sanitized excerpt from the first, posted by Orson Swindle on EDSBS after Florida got stomped by Knowshon Moreno and Georgia:

Knowshon Moreno? [so far so good -ed] #$*&. Damn. God *#$@ing dammit. God #$*S#@*iing dammit. Holy #$&#$!$%*ing piss-#$*#$ing #$*(@#$*ing bull&*#$ $#%&#*@. Just $&#*ing god&*@ pisswad #$*#$ing Cleveland steamer *#$&!ing !&!$%-*#@ &*#$ing #*$&#*$&#ing #*#@head hellassed #$&!storm goddamn *#$%#@& #$&*wallah @#&*headed rectumweeping @!#$%*&ing #*&@master!

That is a lot of humorous cartoon substitution, my friends, and the original goes on and on and on afterwards. But though this post has a higher density of cursing than any other, it lacks a certain something. And that something is deep-seated anger. Orson's really going for comic effect here.

Our other contender is Notre Dame blogger "Jay" from Blue Gray Sky, who understandably kind of lost his mind after the Navy game:

You stupid goddam idiot. I'm talking to you, #&*$head. You just cost us a chance to win the game. Where did you learn your trade, you stupid goddam idiot. You Bob-Davie-versus-Nebraska mother#*$er. What you are hired to do is to help us win. Not to #*@! US UP.

Less frequency, way more genuine frothing anger: winner.

"WOW... JUST WOW" OF THE YEAR

I probably owe Ryan Ferguson my first-born, as he brought this baby to my attention in the aftermath of the Iron Bowl:

i want to thank Saban for destroying my family.

My sons grandparents are auburn fans and we visit them only at deaths in the family. Well we Lost a 41 year old Auburn fan and preacher on Nov 11 2007. So we got together for the Funeral.the first time in two years because we are Bama fans. They ask us to come to their home for Christmas so we can help with the lost of their youngest son.

we agreed when we left their house my sons one is 24 one is 16 said if Auburn beats Alabama they never wanted to see them again. Guess what we lost and thanks to the sorry backs and Quarterback we have and the 4 million dollar coach we lost our family for good.

Thanks for destroying our hope our faith and family and the youth of Alabama's hopes forever. My 24 year old was going to transfer. this year if Bama Won but who wishes to play with a bunch of loser like the ones that take the field in Alabama,

Again: wow, just wow. Some things just can't be commented upon adequately.

This Year In Schadenfreude originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Wed, 19 Dec 2007 13:00:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Is Dorrell Next At Duke?

Ian Cohen — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 15:24:00 EST

Filed under: UCLA Football, ACC, BCS, NCAA FB Rumors, NCAA FB Coaching, Duke Football

It's often wondered why so much attention is paid to recruiting seeing as how accurately predicting the ability of 18-year olds to perform on the next level can generously be described as an inexact science. Sure, it's great to see your squad pick up some four-star athletes, but in reality, you probably won't see results until two years down the line, if that. Mostly, following the rankings is a great way to extend your ability to voraciously follow a team when the season cruelly decides to end.

Even more popular among the middling ranks is the coaching carousel. It combines the fevered speculation of the recruiting game, but with more immediate results. Odds are, if you're looking for a new head guy, you've dealt with several years of something worse than failure: the malaise that comes along with third-week-in-December bowls. Bottoming out at least feels somewhat visceral; a sustained mediocrity is a way of life. And when a coach gets fired, the process of finding a new guy excites because unlike the NFL, the college game is diverse enough that the right guy can change a team's image and style completely.

I've been saying for a while that Duke (perhaps willingly) subjects themselves to years upon years at the bottom of the well, and that while a quick fix retread could boost spirits momentarily, it's really a program that needs a baptism by fire, a complete overhaul. Chan Gailey had been floated as a candidate, and while he did have his good points, he hardly seemed like the proper candidate to give Duke any real juice. So it's with a palpable sense of concern I report that Gailey's arguable west coast counterpart, Karl Dorrell has been seen in Durham as the search stretches longer.
Dorrell certainly has people in his corner that will argue that he got railroaded and faced a no-win situation going up against USC with one of the most notoriously cheap athletic departments. Of course, those people tend to be few and far between on the internet and you'll most likely find fans more likely to bring up the fact that...um, they lost to Notre Dame this year. And badly, at that. Oh, and that whole mess against Utah.

Regardless of whether or not you think Dorrell never got a fair shake in terms of the AD, you can't help but feel that he was simply one of those guys the student body itself couldn't muster much enthusiasm for. With the exception of the 2005 team that went 10-2 (included a stupendously ugly loss to USC), the Bruins were marked by a certain sense of blah competency, at times thrilling on offense, most of the time horrid on defense. And while Duke can at least celebrate the fact that Dorrell would be the first African-American coach in school history, it remains to be seen whether that's enough to energize an extremely sports-conscious student body considering what happened in L.A.

Is Dorrell Next At Duke? originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Tue, 11 Dec 2007 15:24:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Petersen Takes Pass on UCLA Job

Scott Olin Schmidt — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 17:27:00 EST

Filed under: UCLA Football, Pac 10, Boise State Football, NCAA FB Coaching, Los Angeles

Just minutes after UCLA announced that it would have a head coaching vacancy in its football program, its leading candidate turned down the job.

Boise State head coach Chris Petersen, identified this morning by the Los Angeles Times as the Bruins' top pick, told the Idaho Statesman that he is not interested in Karl Dorrell's old job.

Peterson told the paper that he has been contacted by one school--but was not interested--and would not say whether that was in addition to the interest from Westwood.

The difference in cost of living should be enough to make someone like Petersen want to stay in Boise, where a $850,000 salary would be the equivalent of more than $1.5 million in Los Angeles.

Next down Bruin AD Dan Guerrero's list? Texas Tech's Mike Leach or former Oregon coach Steve Mariucci.

Meanwhile, if Karl Dorrell choses not to coach the Las Vegas Bowl, Guerrero says that defensive coordinator--and possible head coach candidate DeWayne Walker--will be at the helm.

Petersen Takes Pass on UCLA Job originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Mon, 03 Dec 2007 17:27:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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UCLA Dumps Dorrell

Scott Olin Schmidt — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 15:35:00 EST

Filed under: UCLA Football, Pac 10, NCAA FB Coaching

Score one for the internets and the folks at DumpDorrell!

Brian Dohn, UCLA beat reporter for the Los Angeles Daily News reported this morning that UCLA athletic director Dan Guerrero has fired Karl Dorrell.

A press conference is scheduled for later this afternoon, but the release is already in the public domain. Guerrero remarks that, "at the end of the day, the focus has to be on results and I felt that a change was in the best interest for the future of our program."

In his official reaction, Dorrell politely thanked Guerrero for the opportunity and adds, "I am proud of what the program accomplished during my five years, especially in the areas of academics, citizenship and recruiting."

Of course, of the BCS gave points for academics, citizenship and recruiting, we'd be seeing Notre Dame versus Stanford in New Orleans.

Although it is not officially decided, Dohn also reports that Dorrell will be allowed to coach one more game as UCLA faces BYU in the Las Vegas Bowl.

After losing to USC in football and Texas in basketball over the weekend, Bruins Nation finally has something to be happy about.

Previously on FanHouse: Three Make UCLA Short List.

UCLA Dumps Dorrell originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Mon, 03 Dec 2007 15:35:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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This Week In Schadenfreude: The Continuing Malaise of the Mountaineer

Brian Cook — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 12:11:00 EST

Filed under: Tennessee Football, UCLA Football, West Virginia Football, Missouri Football

scha·den·freu·de /???dn?fr??d?/
-noun

satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else's misfortune.

[Origin: 1890-95; < G, equiv. to Schaden harm + Freude joy]

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, (C) Random House, Inc. 2006.

On This Week In Schadenfreude we explore the sputtering rage, gibbering condemnation, and resigned ennui of the college football fan who has recently undergone humiliating defeat. Because even in your darkest hour, someone else is suffering too, and probably worse than you. Unless you are a Michigan fan who has just finished watching the Appalachian State game.

Last week on TWIS, we noted that LSU "lost its shot" at a national championship by dropping a triple OT game against Arkansas, because everyone knew that West Virginia was going to pound Pitt. The Mountaineers were four touchdown favorites. One Pat White injury and three turnovers later, LSU is back in the national championship game and West Virginia fans have a decision to make: self-immolation on the 50 yard line or on the university president's lawn?

Yes, West Virginia takes this week's Tears of Unfathomable Sadness, and many of the tears can be found right here at the Fanhouse, on Brian Stouffer's post. A winning entry:

This was the last straw. I am a 1984 grad of WVu and grew up 15 minutes from Morgantown in Preston County. I will never cheer for the Mountaineers again. Not ever. I hope they lose every freeking game they ever play from now on.

This guy has an idea how to make his newfound desire a reality that's almost as stellar as his WVU education. That, and the week in spleen, after the jump.

Right, the idea:

By the way, coach Rod-- your offense has been figured out. Try something new. Like go to Michigan and join your old friend John Beilein.

Um .. yes, please. I mean, no offense to Gerry DiNardo, Salvador Dali, and the rest of Michigan's stellar options in the wake of the Miles implosion, but that would be okay by me.

BIG TEN

The Big Ten is done, but check this space in January for a rundown of their horrible bowl losses.

PAC 10

Should this entry be for UCLA or USC? As the picture above indicates, another UCLA loss and the presumptive end of the Karl Dorrell Era is probably a worse day for Trojans than Bruins, though Trojan fans have that whole "Pac-10 champs going to the Rose Bowl thing" to salve their wounds.

UCLA? Not so much. Even the basketball team isn't helping matters: they dropped a game to Texas. But there's hope in Westwood once again. Hope and pictures of Karl Dorrell in an enormous sombrero.

SEC

LSU got what they wanted both on and off the field. Tennessee, not so much, but there's little in the way of "Fire Phil" sentiment hanging aroud these days; UT fans are a little disappointed but seem mostly content:

We knew before the game that LSU was the better team, and it should be no great surprise that they won.

Nothing to see here. Except maybe this:

What is it? I don't know. I don't care, either.

BIG EAST

The only other Big East game this week was Rutgers-Louisville, a battle between two disappointing teams no one had much riding on by this point in the season, so we'll stick with the WVU meltdown above.

BIG TWELVE

Missouri got the full-on Kansas State treatment this year, dropping from a spot in the national championship game all the way to the Cotton Bowl by losing in the Big 12 championship game.

You might imagine that Kansas getting in with their weak-ass schedule and uncompetitive loss to Missouri is a serious opportunity to be pissed off, and you would be right. Tigerboard.com is aflame with calls to fire the AD (though to be fair, everyone thinks that guy is an idiot) and rampant KU-bashing.

One Jayhawk fan tries to make peace, calling on Mizzou fans to focus their anger on the BCS's two-teams-per-conference rule:

Kansas deserved a BCS Bowl. Mizzou deserved a BCS Bowl. Oklahoma deserved a BCS Bowl. All are ranked in the top 8 in the BCS. All should be playing in a BCS game. Kansas didn't "take your spot" the stupid rule "took your spot."

This is met with a torrent of disapproval; the best riposte for sheer comedy value:

Suck it, segregationist (nm)

If nothing else, this year has provided us our first real look at the biggest little rivalry in America. You have to love grudges borne of Civil-War-era massacres.

ACC

I guess BC lost, but anyone who saw their earlier matchup against Virginia Tech could see that coming. No, let's focus on someone else ...

The Gateway Conference (!)

Hey, Iowa State fans! Remember losing to Northern Iowa in September? (And, hey, Iowa fans, remember losing to Iowa State like the week after?) Well, you may be pleased to know that I-AA #1 Northern Iowa lost to Delaware last weekend.

Some members of Panther City-State are not amused:

Farley and his O-cord are like impetous kids. "I want a touchdown, and I want it now"!

The most dominating position on this years team is the O-line. Why Farley didn't trust them is beyond me.

Just goes to show you that wherever you are and whoever you're rooting for, there's always a That Guy around. There is one difference: at UNI, having a "That Guy" can be seen as a form of accomplishment:

My University is growing up.

We now have enough fanatics that love their football program so much that they can criticize the decisions made in a game. I say Hooray! We have made it!

In 20 years, when the Northern Louisiana State coach refuses to return home to lead you to glory, or at least the occasional win over Northern Ohio State, you'll be sorry.

Programming note: with college football season at its end, TWIS shuffles off the mortal coil for a bit. Watch for a post-bowls edition in early January.

This Week In Schadenfreude: The Continuing Malaise of the Mountaineer originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Mon, 03 Dec 2007 12:11:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Villaraigosa Urges USC-Coliseum Deal

Scott Olin Schmidt — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 21:25:00 EST

Filed under: UCLA Football, USC Football, Pac 10, Los Angeles

In one of the most strongly-worded statements on the future of the NFL in Los Angeles, Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, a UCLA alumnus, implored his colleagues on the Coliseum Commission to get over their false hopes to bring professional football to the stadium and ink a long-term deal with the University of Southern California.

"While I remain committed to bringing a professional team to Los Angeles, it is time to read the scoreboard: the Coliseum is no longer a viable option for the NFL.

"The Coliseum is and should remain the home of the USC Trojans. I am committed to seeking a long-term agreement with USC that protects the public interest, preserves jobs and benefits the entire community of South Los Angeles."

The Mayor's statements come one day after the December 6th agenda of the Rose Bowl Operating Committee revealed that the operators of the Pasadena Stadium were within days of finalizing a contract to host the home football games of the University of Southern California--moving the Trojans back to Pasadena after 82 years in the Coliseum.

Meanwhile, the University of Southern California contacted its major donors and season ticketholders in an email Wednesday evening, in which Athletic Director Mike Garrett explained, "Unfortunately, talks are at an impasse, and right now we have no lease for the Coliseum next year. As a precaution, USC has negotiated a lease with the Rose Bowl to ensure that we have an acceptable stadium in which to play our home football games for the foreseeable future. But this arrangement is not what we want. We want our football program to remain at the Coliseum. And we want the Coliseum Commission-our "landlords" who manage the stadium-to begin the long overdue rehabilitation of the Coliseum."

USC has also created a page on its website devoted to the controversey and encouraging its alumni to contact members of the intergovernmental Coliseum Commission, which operates the USC-adjacent stadium.

The Coliseum Commission is a body of appointed leaders representing the City of Los Angeles, the County of Los Angeles and the State of California. Representing the County are Supervisors Yvonne Braithwaite-Burke and Don Knabe--both USC alumni--and Zev Yaroslavsky.

On the City side are the University's Councilman Bernard Parks, also an alumnus, lawyer Barry Sanders, head of the failed L.A. 2016 Olympic bid, and Candy Spelling, the widow of Beverly Hills 90210 producer Aaron Spelling, and mother of Donna Martin.

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger's appointees are lawyer William Chadwick, Commission Chairman David Israel and Fabian Wesson, wife of former State Assembly Speaker and current Los Angeles City Councilman Herb Wesson.

And you thought Chicago politics were incestuous!

FanHouse understands that Parks has been the main stick in the mud holding up an agreement for USC as a vocal advocate brining the NFL into his district, and that the three County Supervisors are loathe to give up their power on the Commission. However, If Villaraigosa two appointees plus Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger's three could still constitute the majority needed to keep the Men of Troy in the Coliseum.

Villaraigosa Urges USC-Coliseum Deal originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Wed, 28 Nov 2007 21:25:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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USC, UCLA Create Rose Bowl Conflict

Scott Olin Schmidt — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 12:40:00 EST

Filed under: UCLA Football, USC Football, Pac 10, Los Angeles

While there will be plenty of conflict on the field of the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum this Saturday, if the University of Southern California secures a two-year lease to play at the Rose Bowl stadium, it could lead to some real scheduling conflicts for the schools. Looking at the future schedules for USC and UCLA show three potential conflicts.

Luckily in 2008, the USC and UCLA schedules are somewhat compatible. Only one game falls on the same date for the two schools--on November 8, when USC hosts California and Oregon State visits the Bruins. The former game will likely be picked up by ABC, and the latter seems like a perfect fit for the Fox Sports' Pac Ten Game of the week--but even scheduling 3 hours between games, and assuming that UCLA will have its typical 30-40,000 fans showing up would not be enough time to accommodate the traffic in the Arroyo Seco.

The following year, the Trojans and Bruins would have scheduling conflicts on September 5th, with two competing stinkers against San Jose State and San Diego State and again on October 10th, when Arizona and Oregon visit the two schools, respectively. Perhaps we'll be seeing more Thursday Night Pac-Ten games from Pasadena to make room for these games?

USC, UCLA Create Rose Bowl Conflict originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Wed, 28 Nov 2007 12:40:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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