NCAA Football FanHouse

Fear Not, Canes Fans; Your Alcohol Is Safe

Adam Jacobi — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 16:45:00 EST

Among the greatest travesties of this past season has been the rambutan-like Donna Shalala abandoning the Orange Bowl and moving the Miami Hurricanes to Dolphins Stadium. Sure, the Orange Bowl was an old, creaking facility that hadn't actually hosted the "Orange Bowl" since 1999, and not regularly since 1995. Yes, the control room once caught fire. It was still the OB, the lovable old deathtrap of college football. And they served beer.

Recognizing the need for significant accommodations, Dolphins Stadium announced their plan for Hurricanes games to the Miami-Herald. The laundry list is far too long to share here, but rest assured it's as expansive as Canes fans could have hoped for in light of seeing their venerable stadium cast aside and demolished.

Chief among the updates are concealing the Dolphins' Ring of Fame with a removable wrap that celebrates the storied history of the U, and a continuation of the OB's alcohol policy, where fans may buy beer until the end of halftime.

Wise move, committee members. While it's neat that you're offering "more formalized player autographs than we've ever done" or whatever, you're welcoming fans who spent decades in a stadium made of concrete, Elmer's glue, exposed nails, and fear. Give them a sanitized stadium 14 miles from campus and take away their booze, and rest assured, they will not come.

Fear Not, Canes Fans; Your Alcohol Is Safe originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Sun, 06 Jul 2008 16:45:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Did Miami Recruit Get a Death Threat, or Just Mean Advice?

Brian Cook — Mon, 19 May 2008 15:20:00 EST

Filed under: Florida State Football, Miami Football, NCAA FB Recruiting

Via Bruce Feldman($) we come to this quote from Miami safety recruit CJ Holton, who decommitted from Florida State just before signing day to sign with the 'Canes:

Well, a bunch of people were kind of shocked. I got it from a lot of people. I got a bunch of hate mail, just people talking crazy stuff. One dude told me before I leave that I better make sure to get a (bulletproof) vest. That was the craziest thing I heard.

Miami's violent crime rate does happen to be the highest in the country (although Sperling's Best Places cheerfully notes the murder rate is "relatively low"), but more likely that is one supermean guy making impolite reference to the murders of Brian Pata and Sean Taylor.

Which... dude. That's like a whole new universe in negative recruiting, not that it had any impact on Miami's universally-lauded 2008 recruiting class.

Did Miami Recruit Get a Death Threat, or Just Mean Advice? originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Mon, 19 May 2008 15:20:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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The Orange Bowl Can Immolate Itself, Thank You Very Much

Adam Jacobi — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 09:30:00 EST

Filed under: Miami Football, ACC

This picture has absolutely nothing to do with Miami, but looks awesome.

Let's be clear: it hasn't been a good year for fans of The U. Even if they could tolerate the pedestrian tales of rebuilding (or worse, statements that Kirby Freeman would be allowed on campus again), things weren't right. Reality had been catching up to the romantic notion that the Orange Bowl, that decrepit, beautiful bastion of filth, would last forever.

It turns out that deals were in place that dictated otherwise, and the Orange Bowl was condemned to a quiet, unceremonious demolition.

Funny how it didn't work like that.

Indeed, as crews allegedly worked on deconstructing the old stadium on Monday evening, it burst into flames. Sure, careless workers were blamed for leaving flammable materials out, and sure, the flame was quicky isolated and extinguished. Whatever. We know better. Sure, the Orange Bowl may burn, but it burns on its own terms, damn it.

In other words, this is the ultimate dignity, a stadium igniting itself in lieu of an emasculating, intolerable demolition process. The OB doesn't go out like that, and you're a stupid [unprintable] for thinking otherwise. Cock your head like a confused German Shepherd if you must, but ask a single Canes fan about the fire, and they'll just nod knowingly. The Orange Bowl would rather burn than host baseball, and if given the opportunity, you'd choose the same. Next time, local crews should give the football gods their proper dues and let the OB burn away. If a stadium could talk, it would thank them.

The Orange Bowl Can Immolate Itself, Thank You Very Much originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Sat, 05 Apr 2008 09:30:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Adventures In Fatherhood With Randy Shannon

Ian Cohen — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 19:57:00 EST

Filed under: Miami Football, ACC, BCS, NCAA FB Coaching, Florida International Football

I'm not proud of some of the crap I've complained about to my parents; if memory serves correctly, most of revolved around video games (and lack thereof) and attendance of Jewish high holidays. But my folks had pretty normal childhoods and such and such, so you know- they rolled with it I suppose. So yeah, I wouldn't have lasted a second in Randy Shannon's household, considering his revealing SI profile that exposed a man who's seen more tragedy than probably me and all of my friends combined. Imagine coming up to him with some weak ish about making your bed.

So, while his son Xavier may have not originally scared up much interest from the Florida powerhouses coming out of high school, I'd imagine he's a seriously tough dude. Or at least the offensive lineman's trying to prove it with his transfer to Miami from FIU (coached by former Miami assistant Larry Cristobal) to play for his pops. Well, that's not how Randy sees it:

'He's not on scholarship now. He's not. He's on tuition remission. They didn't convince me [to let him come here]. He wanted to go to school here. And the football part came secondary. It's like I told the coaching staff, if he wants to come here, I'm not talking to him. And I'm not talking to him. I don't say much to him but `Hi,' and that's about all I say to him.''

I'd imagine he's a livelier dude on the recruiting trail if this year's haul is any evidence.

Adventures In Fatherhood With Randy Shannon originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Tue, 26 Feb 2008 19:57:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Nick Saban's the Real Snake Oil Salesman Around These Parts

Brian Cook — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 09:56:00 EST

Filed under: Alabama Football, Miami Football, NCAA FB Recruiting

If you wandered over to the various recruiting sites on signing day you probably noticed big banners proclaiming Alabama's return to power via the nation's top recruiting class. This is due in large part to the enormous number of recruits that put pen to letter of intent for Nick Saban: 32, a full seven more than the NCAA's yearly limit of 25. Only Miami managed to stretch the boundaries of the rule further, signing 33.

Both classes are top five but in are overrated by sheer quantity. Alabama's #1 class is actually #6 by star average; Miami's #4 class is 14th by that metric. Both contain large numbers of players with no chance to qualify this fall; it's all smoke and mirrors.

That's irritating, but Tim Gayle's piece on the massive 'Bama oversigning is disturbing. Gayle crunches the numbers and comes to these conclusions:

Four to six guys are not going to qualify.
Four more guys who are marginally useful can plausibly be given medical scholarships and removed from the team.
Six more scholarships need to be forcibly extracted from somewhere.

Around six guys who are playing for Alabama now or expect to be in the fall are going to be told to get bent by the time fall practice rolls around. But let's all complain about how nasty Rich Rodriguez is, why don't we?

Some might argue that no one's really hurt by the practice of oversigning, but this shocking assertion from Bruce Feldman's latest post($) argues otherwise?

One administrator I spoke with said schools also can make it so some player doesn't qualify if they don't need him to, which may sound surprising, but it probably shouldn't at this point.

Jesus. That's truly filthy. When this happens a kid who manages to get qualified is shuffled off to a JUCO or prep school because there's not enough room for him. The school who signed him to a letter of intent is screwing him out of a chance to play at an actual D-I school for purely selfish motives.

The NCAA really has to do something about this. Feldman makes a point that the new APR restrictions do impose a cost upon teams that cycle through players willy-nilly, but your APR isn't affected when a kid who signed a LOI with your team doesn't qualify.

The 25-kid limit is a great idea that hurts schools who experience extreme attrition, but it's a paper tiger. Anyone who comes in for the winter semester, either via grayshirt or early enrollment, can count against either class. It's time to stop that and count kids against the class their high school teammates are in. And it's time to limit the number of LOIs schools can accept, and do away with these fictional classes of 30+ that do nothing but prop up egos and damage the careers of kids at the bottom of them.

Nick Saban's the Real Snake Oil Salesman Around These Parts originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Wed, 13 Feb 2008 09:56:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Florida State's Dodgy 2008 Schedule

Brian Grummell — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 17:45:00 EST

Filed under: Colorado Football, Florida State Football, Miami Football, ACC, The Word

More adventures in iffy scheduling. As for the culprit, where else but a school down south lightening the load.

Florida State has begun recent football seasons against the likes of Miami and Clemson, but because of an academic fraud scandal that will leave Coach Bobby Bowden's team short-handed, the Seminoles will open their 2008 season against two of the weaker teams they've played in recent memory.

FSU on Friday released its 2008 schedule, which features season-opening games at home against Division I-AA teams Western Carolina, on Sept. 6, and Chattanooga on Sept. 13.

I'm all for free enterprise so I'm not here to demand a banning of the whole scheduling of I-AA opponents thing. However, I am here to shame schools like Florida State and LSU who try, no matter their reasons. Money talks and a suitable opponent could have been found.

As made clear in the article, Western Carolina and Chattanooga are a helplessly impoverished man's Appalachian State. They combined to go just 3-21 last year in I-AA. To be fair, the Seminoles do face Colorado in Jacksonville this year after having tripped out to Boulder to play the Buffs last year.

Also: Miami fans already hold a grudge over Florida's general unwillingness to play them. Now Florida State's off the schedule. Not good. What has happened to the state of football in Florida when these schools can't get together? This is the stuff that creates real opportunity for UCF, Florida International and USF to emerge from the shadows. Retracted, amended . . . I know.
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Florida State's Dodgy 2008 Schedule originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Mon, 11 Feb 2008 17:45:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Signing Day: The Morning After

Brian Grummell — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 10:00:00 EST

Filed under: Alabama Football, Miami Football, Michigan Football, Notre Dame Football, Oklahoma Football, USC Football, NCAA FB Recruiting, The Word

Here's hoping your school isn't using whiskey as mouthwash thinking about who it woke up next to this morning

Themes

USC Soars Late, Pulls Shocker

Tallahassee Lincoln kids love to flirt, and they're never lacking for suitors. But when push comes to shove, the vast majority of them break hearts and stick with the hometown Seminoles. So it came as a complete shock to many people when highly regarded cornerback T.J. Bryant cast his lot with Pete Carroll and USC.

USC lost out on Alabama linebacker Jerrell Harris, but did pull in Bryant, Michigan linebacker Nick Perry and Los Angeles linebacker Uona Kavienga throughout the second half of the day to slide into 7th place in the Rivals.com rankings. It's been a great month of recruiting overall as USC recently got a pledge from the nation's top player for 2009 in quarterback Matt Barkley along with several other preliminary top 100 recruits. Damn.

Back To The Future

As expertly stated by EDSBS, the top of the recruiting rankings have a certain 1985 feel. Alabama, Oklahoma, Notre Dame, Miami ... thank heaven for moth balls.

Miscellany

Notre Dame has a great deal to prove on the field after last year's disaster and two consecutive BCS flops. However, the Irish were magnificent in holding together their recruiting class and finding some decent guys in the trenches (at least on defense, anyway). The same can be said for UCLA after the departure of coach Karl Dorrell.

Jumpin' Sam McGuffie briefly flirted with California, but he's come home now and will stick with Michigan.

Signing Day: The Morning After originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Thu, 07 Feb 2008 10:00:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Signing Day Video: Miami Commit Brandon Harris Throws Up the U

Brian Grummell — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 20:13:00 EST

Filed under: Miami Football, ACC, NCAA FB Recruiting, NCAA FB Video

"At heart, I'm a 'Cane"

Is Miami back? The 'Canes sure aren't hurting for having signed Harris in assembling the nation's #4 recruiting class. Now about that offense . . .

Signing Day Video: Miami Commit Brandon Harris Throws Up the U originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Wed, 06 Feb 2008 20:13:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Recruiting: Less Lobster, More Wholesome

Brian Grummell — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 14:08:00 EST

Filed under: Florida State Football, Miami Football, NCAA FB Recruiting, The Word

Rarely have the excesses of recruiting ever been so on display as during the recruitment of linebacker Willie Williams. Williams wrote diaries detailing his visits and interactions with coaches for the Miami Herald. In them, he described visits to night clubs, private jet flights, rides in fancy cars and the epicurean madness that is consuming limitless steak and lobster.

It didn't take long for the NCAA to react and further impose recruiting regulations mirroring its reaction to sex and drug related recruiting madness at Colorado several years prior. A brief sampling:

The NCAA acted quickly, forcing schools to formulate and submit written policies that would govern official visits. It outlawed recruiting hostess groups, instead forcing schools to use the tour guides available to any prospective student. Private planes were banned along with personalized jerseys, "gameday simulations," swanky hotel suites and anything but a "standard" meal.

Don't get me wrong, recruiting is still a sometimes seedy game, but it appears some of the excesses have successfully been curbed.

Brian Battle, [Florida State's] associate athletic director for compliance, said the guidelines leveled the playing field and ended a costly game of one-upsmanship.

"[The rules] standardized things. It did away with the excessive nature of things," Battle said. "Everybody was playing by the same rules."

As much as I rail about the NCAA, these recent changes have been reasonable while still allowing schools to show their more coveted recruits a good time. Some things remain unfair ($30 for player to entertain recruits goes a lot further in Starksville than it does Los Angeles or Chicago), but those can be worked out over time.

Recruiting: Less Lobster, More Wholesome originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Tue, 05 Feb 2008 14:08:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Would You Hire Larry Coker?

Ian Cohen — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 20:46:00 EST

Filed under: Miami Football, ACC, BCS, NCAA FB Coaching

Time for some real talk; every now and again, after a hard day in the salt mines I catch myself with my slippers on, snifter of brandy in hand, thinking about the 2005 and 2006 Miami Hurricanes. And I just zone out on the vibes. What good times we all had! The on-field brawls, the almost on-field brawls, the rich tradition of winning the Humanitarian Bowl. And considering his impact on the Willie Williams recruiting diaries, we're all richer for having him in our life.

So why can't a coach who's managed to win a National Championship this very decade get even a sniff of opportunity? That's what Coker wants to know, since other than what amounts to a courtesy call from SMU, he's been a non-factor in pretty much every coaching search across this great nation. I mean, Al Golden won four games at Temple last year, and he was a serious candidate for UCLA. Why should West Virginia hire their version of Larry Coker when they could have the real deal? So sayeth Coker,

"'There are people getting jobs who haven't had the success I've had,'' said Coker, who was 60-15 in six years as UM's coach. 'I'm at the point where I don't need to prove myself. I don't have to coach again, but I'm not burned out. My health is good. I don't feel old. Joe Paterno said to me, `You need to be in college coaching.'"

Maybe he can hold out until Butch Davis leaves UNC, but I wouldn't be surprised if a San Jose State or what have you took a chance on Coker, but the way things ended in Coral Gables certainly won't have him getting a reference from Donna Shalala. And some would argue he's the college football equivalent of Barry Switzer ... when he coached the Cowboys, that is. Then again, Coker is 59 years old, which is FAR younger (or, less old) than I expected him to be, really. Then again, feeling young after a conversation with Joe Paterno probably isn't the best gauge of one's vitality. If nothing's poppin' right now, he can always head back to the ESPN U crew, but he's right in that coaches with far less tangible success and shadier dealings than him have gotten second chances.

Would You Hire Larry Coker? originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Mon, 28 Jan 2008 20:46:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Miami Yoinks KU's Defensive Coordinator

Ian Cohen — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 00:57:00 EST

Filed under: Kansas Football, Miami Football, ACC, Big 12, BCS, NCAA FB Coaching

Miami's offense has been garbage bag the last couple of seasons under the stewardship of Brock Berlin and Kyle Wright and (to a lesser extent) Kirby Freeman, but at the very least, you could always bring out the ol' "well, their defense is as good as ever" canard. At least until this year; when you field a D with two future 1st-round picks and you still let Oklahoma drop 51 on you, that's cause for concern. When you let Virginia drop 44 on you, you might want to think about the future in more immediate terms. When it happens in the Orange Bowl's last game ever, well, UPS is hirin'.

One year after replacing the promoted Randy Shannon as Miami defensive coordinator, Tim Walton got the most unceremonious of axes. But fear not- Miami was able to steal Kansas' DC right from under Mark Mangino's fat, unhireable nose. Despite Bill Young's rather ripe age of 61, he can't help but be seen as the latest coup for the still-struggling Canes, who are bringing in the nation's #1 recruiting class, at least according to ESPN. Despite the somewhat dubious schedule of Kansas, finishing in the top ten with regards to scoring defense isn't something to sneeze at, considering that the likes of Southeastern Louisiana and Central Michigan have offenses at least as competent as that of Miami nowadays.

Miami Yoinks KU's Defensive Coordinator originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Thu, 24 Jan 2008 00:57:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Can't Knock the Hustle: Calais Campbell Declares

Ian Cohen — Sun, 06 Jan 2008 16:39:00 EST

Filed under: Miami Football, ACC, BCS, NFL Prospects

The biggest curiosity about the 2006 draft might not have been the fact that Reggie Bush was bypassed for Mario Williams, but the fact that NC State managed to come up with three first round draft picks despite going 7-5. That's what Chuck Amato will get ya, I suppose. Well, in another case of "monster recruiter, questionable game coach," we've got Randy Shannon, whose 5-7 Miami Hurricanes will likely produce two first round draft picks in 2008, safety Kenny Phillips and now defensive end Calais Campbell, who declared earlier this week after delaying the inevitable when the Canes missed out on bowl season for the first time in a decade.

More than likely, it will be the 14th straight year the Canes produce a first-round pick. Phillips projects as being a possible top-15 guy whereas Campbell is all over the map, but the U's track record shouldn't ignored, unless you're talking about their most recent QB's.

Can't Knock the Hustle: Calais Campbell Declares originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Sun, 06 Jan 2008 16:39:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Will Miami's Top Players Jump Ship?

Ian Cohen — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 16:04:00 EST

Filed under: Miami Football, ACC, BCS, NFL Prospects

Outside of a rogue win against Florida State (which certainly can't be considered all that impressive, all things told), Miami's season...well, you'd be hard-pressed to figure out a way that could somehow make it worse. Losing to Duke, maybe...Luke Campbell publicly disavowing them, certainly. Well, what if I told you that they're looking at a 2008 where they lose their best players on either side of the ball to the NFL Draft? I imagine that wouldn't be so terrible if they were seniors, considering that Randy Shannon is supposedly a monster on the recruiting trail. But what if they were rising seniors, giving the hint that they could leave because they're just so damn sick of losing?

Well, that's what could go down with DE Calais Campbell and CB Kenny Phillips, who are weighing their options during the next month without a bowl game to distract them. So says Campbell,

''This is the first time I've had a losing season ever, on any level,'' Campbell said. ``And it's tough. I really don't know about what decision I'll make. I have to sit down and talk to my parents and family, coaches and teammates.''

Both Campbell and Phillips project as nothing less than mid-first round prospects, and there's a good chance that both could land in the top ten (particularly Campbell). Considering that defense is going to have to carry the day until Miami develops some kind of offensive identity, even a blow this expected could be terribly damaging to the Canes next year.

Will Miami's Top Players Jump Ship? originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Mon, 26 Nov 2007 16:04:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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This Week in Schadenfreude: Four Million Dollars for This?

Brian Cook — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 11:19:00 EST

Filed under: Alabama Football, Iowa Football, Miami Football, Michigan Football, Oklahoma Football, Penn State Football

scha·den·freu·de /???dn?fr??d?/
-noun

satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else's misfortune.

[Origin: 1890-95; < G, equiv. to Schaden harm + Freude joy]

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, (C) Random House, Inc. 2006.

On This Week In Schadenfreude we explore the sputtering rage, gibbering condemnation, and resigned ennui of the college football fan who has recently undergone humiliating defeat. Because even in your darkest hour, someone else is suffering too, and probably worse than you. Unless you are a Michigan fan who has just finished watching the Appalachian State game.

There is only one team in the state of Louisiana it is acceptable to lose to unless you are a Sun Belt team, and it's not Louisiana Monroe. Despite this, Nick Saban and his $4 million dollar contract managed to drop a game to a team with a nickname ("Warhawks") that sounds better suited for the Arena League than college football. The Capstone Report says don't blame Shula, blame everybody:

These players quit, won't fill assignments and won't accept responsibility for their actions. The players know it -- they are listless, without leadership and without pride. They don't know how to be champions, and what may be the most astounding thing I've ever seen, they don't seem to want to learn how to be champions.

Ouch. Alabama, you are the Tears of Unfathomable Sadness victor this week.
Remarkably, the Capstone Report isn't done ripping things to shreds. Do you like 'Bama? Then it's your fault:

Shula never would've been here if it weren't for the real people who have ruined Alabama football. Take a good look in the mirror.

It is probably you.

Alabama's troubles today began when Mike Dubose was elected Alabama's head football coach by the fans. The loud tide of fans who demanded Dubose be hired launched Alabama into a decade of misery and mediocrity. ...

Now the fans who are hurting from the recent loss, and are looking for someone to blame, here's my advice: Shut up. It is your fault.

Even a more restrained viewpoint at Roll Bama Roll is still starkly negative:

Bottom line: This loss is as bad as it seems, and probably worse. It could be the worst single loss for Alabama since the arrival of Bear Bryant.

Hey, at least you're not ...

BIG TEN

Michigan. The Hoover Street Rag sums up the Michigan-Ohio State game:

Yes, yes it did. Over on MGoBlog your intrepid author declares Saturday's game to have a unique place in Michigan history:

Saturday was wet and cold and miserable and had no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Though other games have been more painful or less competitive, November 17th, 2007, stands alone in terms of sheer miserable boredom.

If you really want the straight morphine drip of Michigan schadenfreude, the nonstop Buckeye flaming and Michigan infighting on the 2,000+ comment open thread should tide you over for days. One comment picked at near-random:

Something that was dying in me died tonight (Italian time). This is clearly the worst-coached big-time football program in the country. I work in the field of language for a medical institution and edit medical papers. As a result I have some experience with the basic, humanistic notions of empiricism. Mathematically, there is just no way that X amount of talent produces Y amount of results without an empiracally [sic] sustainable thesis.

(Yes, Michigan fans are a little different than most.) Oh, snap! You just got owned, Michigan coaches.

Iowa. The Hawkeyes seemed to be getting things together in time to make a crappy bowl run, but then 3-7 Western Michigan rolled into town and beat Iowa. Over at Black Heart, Gold Pants Hawkeye State declares the season the "most depressing of [his] life":

Tonight it appears highly likely Iowa's 2007 season is over. They have finished 6-6 (4-4), with losses against such juggernauts as Iowa State (3-9) and Western Michigan (4-7). One in ten Iowa football players was implicated in criminal activity of one kind or another. That's not a misprint. One in ten. The man in charge, who keeps telling us to stay the course and retains his assistant coaches despite a demonstrated lack of results, made 2100% more than the governor for presiding over this debacle.

Fellow BHGB author Jebus H Christ helpfully provides a montage of Jared Leto having horrible things done to him, if that would brighten your day.

Penn State. It might help the fakest rivalry in all the land if Michigan State wins from time to time, but that won't make the trophy any less ridiculous. Black Shoe Diaries on PSU's dismal end to their season:

Congratulations to Michigan State. You were pretty crappy today, but you weren't as crappy as us. Enjoy your Land Grant Trophy. We were getting tired of storing that piece of s*** anyway. Please take care of the homeless guy living inside it. He isn't welcome in State College anymore. His name is Anthony and he likes Italian food. He can be useful if you give him small jobs here and there, but don't ask him to wash dishes as he tends to drop things when startled.

That was a fittingly crappy game by a crappy team to end a crappy season.

Meanwhile, commenters are eyeing potential Alamo foe Texas Tech nervously after Brian Hoyer -- Brian Hoyer! -- torched the vaunted PSU secondary:

My God, I can see it now."Harrell sets Bowl record with 700 yards passing, 12 TDs, leaves Penn State defense in fetal position"

Another waggish commenter provides the headline to that article: "Anthony Morelli Costs Penn State Another Win." Zing!

PAC 10

Oregon. God hates Oregon. That's the only explanation for what happened on Thursday: Dennis Dixon's leg gives out and a parade of fumbles and interceptions and Brady Leaf did his Brady Leaf thing -- I wonder if there's some Leaf brother out there leading a high school team directly into the ground -- and Oregon lost to Arizona. Goodbye, national championship.

Addicted To Quack had a simple in-game question:

Why the f*** is Leaf still in the game?

The aftermath:

Arizona is a crap team. And I have no problem saying that. We lost to a crap team. It happens. I can live with that. And if the voters want to plummet us to the ends of the Earth for losing to a crap team, I'm fine with that.

ATQ also points out that Oregon hasn't won the Rose Bowl since 1917... there's still a lot on the line for the Ducks, including a BCS berth if they can get past Oregon State. Leaf starts.

Uh-oh.

SEC

The SEC was quiet this week other than the Warhawk upset; many teams had the week off and the rest of the league went according to form, though Tennessee was one Vandy field goal away from an extensive section of fire Phil(!) posts.

BIG EAST

You've probably forgotten that Louisville was ever good at football by now, but there is an unfortunate group of people reminded every week: Louisville fans. South Florida -- remember them? -- just got done stomping UL 55-17. Card Chronicle's mostly moved on to basketball season, but did find time to post Emo Song Lyrics:

Gloomy is Sunday,
With shadows I spend it all
My heart and I
Have decided to end it all

Oh, Emo Song Lyrics, they never fail. Unlike Lousiville's defense.

BIG TWELVE

Oklahoma was two games away from a national championship semifinal in the Big 12 Championship Game, but -- hhyyaarrrrr -- got boarded by that scurvy dog Mike Leach. Crimson and Cream Machine:

I don't know about you but I feel like I just got kicked in the gut and had my lunch money taken. It was all right there on a platter for the Sooners to take - the Big 12 South Division title, #3 BCS ranking with potential of moving up and going to the national championship game. It was all there and the Sooners pushed away from the table refusing to partake in it.

The Gaylord Memorial Gathering calls it "the most dispiriting loss" since last year's ref-influenced debacle against Oregon, which doesn't seem like a particularly long timespan to me.

Sooner fans have to loathe onside kicks these days: star running back Demarco Murray is done for the year after dislocating his kneecap on OU's last-ditch onside attempt.

ACC

Miami is not good against teams from Virginia, are they? A week after getting whitewashed 48-0 in the Orange Bowl's last game the 'Canes went up to Blacksburg... correction. A confused assemblage of seventh graders in Miami uniforms went up to Blacksburg and got run off 44-14. Total score: Virginia 92, Miami 14. The Miami Sports Blog:

Coral Gables has been annexed to the Commonwealth.

Thomas Jefferson's family tree now bathes at Venetian Pools. Alex Rodriguez claims residence in the Commonwealth (good luck with those state taxes), and Virginians are now utterly confused by the fact that all of their street signs have been replaced by useless stone slabs on the ground that are invisible at night.

Meanwhile, Hall Of Canes is busy wearing out the F key on his keyboard: grades, not swearing.

This Week in Schadenfreude: Four Million Dollars for This? originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Tue, 20 Nov 2007 11:19:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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State of Virginia 92, Miami 14

Ian Cohen — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 13:08:00 EST

Filed under: Miami Football, ACC, BCS

Just to get some background, let's take some time to consider the last three Miami football seasons and how they've ended:

2005- Destroyed by LSU in the Chick Fil-A Bowl and then involved in an ugly postgame brawl that somehow ended up being the second ugliest dustup the team got involved in with another football team that year.

2006- Eked past Nevada in the Humanitarian Bowl after finishing out the regular season with listless performances against the likes of 5-7 Virginia.

2007- After giving up 48 points to the 105th-ranked offense, Miami goes to Virginia Tech and has major media outlets wondering if they even care anymore. Next week: ACC Coastal Champ Boston College.

Usually, this sort of thing is indicative of a team that cannot be reached by their coaching staff. Only thing is, you could say that about 2005 and 2006, but this year, they've only got the new guy to blame. A new guy whose unimaginable past is supposed to endear him to players.

Exactly how short of a leash does Randy Shannon have at this point? The going rationale behind his hire was that he was the sort of company-first, low-key guy that could restore some sort of semblance of class to a program that had relapsed badly after the departure of Butch Davis. But this is a team that, a win against Texas A&M aside, can't do anything right on either side of the ball despite having a good degree of continuity from the previous regime. Is it possible that Miami has to clear house altogether? If nothing else, it's a burning told-you-so for not dumping a blank check on Greg Schiano. Due to its lack of a campus culture, Miami isn't really beset with the same frothing fanbase as a Florida State or Michigan, but even without that hanging over you, is this really a job that can attract a big name coach anymore?

State of Virginia 92, Miami 14 originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Mon, 19 Nov 2007 13:08:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Michael Irvin Suffering Cane Withdrawal

Ian Cohen — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 19:32:00 EST

Filed under: Miami Football, ACC, BCS, NCAA FB Campus

This should've been obvious long before Miami's ass-tasering against UVA, but it's becoming more difficult to accept the Canes as not only falling from college football's Mount Olympus, but becoming a team that should thank its lucky stars if it spends bowl season in Boise. Well, the discord has stretched from the mouths of babes all the way up to the (alleged) white house, as prominent mouthpiece Michael Irvin skipped out on the closing of the Orange Bowl after viewing a half-packed house against NC State:

''It's too sad for me,'' Irvin told the Miami Herald by telephone. "That was depressing to see we've fallen that far. And in attendance, too.

"I was, like, 'Wow, let's celebrate the life we've had, but now look for the life we have ahead,'" Irvin continued. "Give it the great send-off it deserves. But I'm not going to be there. I can't take seeing that again. It pierced my heart.''

Seems like a more valid reason for him to refrain from viewing the game than most ("I'm passed out by 7:15 kickoffs"). But if this is emblematic of what goes through the minds of U alums, Miami could be in worse shape than it appears. Keep in mind that Cane alumni in the NFL usually swear by the school's conditioning program to the point that they skip out on training camp and are among their best recruiters. Without their dozens of post-grad millionaires supporting them, what's left besides South Beach and the banners? Is Dolphins Stadium a selling point all of a sudden?

Michael Irvin Suffering Cane Withdrawal originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Fri, 16 Nov 2007 19:32:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Even The Miami Recruits Are Calling Out Present Players at the "U"

Charles Rich — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 23:16:00 EST

Filed under: Miami Football, ACC, NCAA FB Recruiting

Following an embarrassing and epic loss to Virginia to close out the Orange Bowl, you would expect the former Hurricane players to be upset. You would expect the usual talking points of how they need to get their swagger back. How the present players aren't representing well. Whatever.

What you don't expect are the incoming Hurricane players -- high school kids -- ripping the present players.

On Tuesday, UM players reacted angrily to comments by Seffner Armwood High offensive tackle Matt Patchan, whose father played for UM. But UM oral commitment Marcus Forston of Miami Northwestern and UM target Brandon Harris of Miami Booker T. Washington said in phone interviews that Patchan's comments were dead-on.

Patchan, who attended UM's 48-0 loss to Virginia, told canesport.com that 'there's too many guys that it doesn't bother them that they lost the game. There's too many guys now at the U that [say], `It's OK we lost. Well, what am I going to do tonight?' Like it doesn't mean anything. They need to get rid of those types of guys.''
...
Forston, a top-rated defensive tackle who attended Saturday's Canes game, said he remains a strong UM commitment, but agrees with Patchan. ''Some guys are not giving full effort,'' Forston said. ``It surprised me. A couple [UM] guys were smiling. I didn't see too much cheering teammates on the sideline. I'm not used to that type of environment.''

Harris, a highly regarded cornerback, was at the OB on Saturday and said Patchan's comments ``are true. Some guys care. Some guys don't. You can sense it. Some are just coasting.''

And these are recruits likely committed to coming to Miami.

On the one hand, you have to be happy that the kids coming into Miami actually seem to care more than the players on their way out. Especially since the 'Canes recruiting class is considered a top-5, and the kids have a better chance of starting early.

On the other side, is the obvious fact that they won't exactly be welcomed with open arms with present players being questioned by high schoolers.

Coach Randy Shannon is stuck in the middle. Caught between keeping the present squad together and recruiting the same high schoolers questioning the heart and desire of those players.

Even The Miami Recruits Are Calling Out Present Players at the "U" originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Wed, 14 Nov 2007 23:16:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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UVA/Miami: It Was That Bad

Ian Cohen — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 13:59:00 EST

Filed under: Miami Football, Virginia Football, ACC, BCS

You know, I've struggled all weekend to find the right sort of equivalent for what UVA did to Miami...yeah, this should do it.

Some people would argue that Virginia could end up being the Wake Forest of 2007, not so much because they've been a lifetime underdog that finally got their day, but in the way they've gone from a losing record to the precipice of the BCS due to solid defense and, let's be honest, a bit of luck. Well, last year, Wake had their "F what you know" win against Florida State, beating them 30-0 at home, and now, Virginia's got one to call its own.

If you didn't watch this, I wouldn't blame you, but if that's the case, it might be the most listless performance I've seen in years, and trust me, I took in the entirety of Virginia's opener against Wyoming. It's not so much that Miami got so badly outplayed and outcoached (really!), it's that, as the party noted, they looked like they didn't care. Which was, like, the completely opposite effect that all the festivities surrounding the closing of the Orange Bowl was supposed to have.
It's too early to say that Randy Shannon has lost this team (even if they aren't his recruits, he is a holdover from the Coker regime), but it's pretty much impossible to fail on more levels than the Canes did.

- Offense: When you're following up a guy who completed one pass in the entirety of last start, all you have to do is...well, not play like Kyle Wright. I'll give him some slack; he was basically on one leg, and he got absolutely no help at all from his receivers, who directly caused two of his three interceptions and added several more drops and overall soft play. The running game never got going either, as UVA's 3-4 dominated the line of scrimmage.

- Defense: Let's keep in mind that Chris Gould missed a chip-shot and UVA squandered two interceptions within the Miami 40 in the first quarter alone. One could argue they left at least ten extra points on the field. Still, the 48 points Virginia tallied could be attributed to good field position, (mostly) mistake-free play from Jameel Sewell and a palpable sense of indifference from the Miami defense. You read that correctly; ESPN commenters made a post-game remark about how the Grohs have developed a gameplan that allows Sewell to work within his capabilities. From the looks of things, they ran a total of three different plays. Sewell still doesn't have much of a feel for the long ball; the one time he tried to go yard, it was an interception basically thrown into triple coverage. Instead, he found TE's like John Phillips and John Stupar on rollouts and play-action out passes, after which they'd rumble for large chunks of YAC.

- Special teams: B-b-b-b-but wait, it gets worse! Josh Zidenberg blocked a punt after being damn near untouched, but the most emblematic of Miami's problems happened on a kickoff where Ryan Moore had the option to let the ball harmlessly bounce out of bounds. Instead, he picked it up while teetering over the sidelines and ended up slamming Wright and company on the three.

That's just the Cliffs Notes version of it, but most importantly, it leaves this situation: should Virginia beat VT at home in two weeks (something they haven't done since 2003), they'll be in Jacksonville against the winner of BC/Clemson. Miami, now at 5-5, has road contests against BC and VT. So yeah, maybe Shannon needs to do more than remove the names from the jerseys.

UVA/Miami: It Was That Bad originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Wed, 14 Nov 2007 13:59:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Miami In a Hurry to Leave the Orange Bowl

Charles Rich — Sat, 10 Nov 2007 21:09:00 EST

Filed under: Miami Football, Virginia Football, ACC

The Hurricanes sure don't want to be there. They are getting destroyed by the Cavaliers 31-0 at halftime. QB Kyle Wright continues his inability to throw to his teammates rather then the opponent. He completed 4 passes to Miami players and 3 to Virginia players. Wright also managed to fumble a snap just for good measure. It's hard not to think that Wright is single-handedly killing Miami. His 34 yards passing is offset by -18 yards from sacks and attempted runs.

Miami has less than 100 yards of total offense, while the 101st offense nationally has over 200. The Miami defense hasn't exactly lived up to its reputation. They started by allowing Virginia to go 96 yards in a little over 3 minutes on the opening drive. They haven't quit, but they aren't very good.

Whatever magic and mystique the Orange Bowl had, clearly vacated well before the Hurricanes announced they would.

Miami In a Hurry to Leave the Orange Bowl originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Sat, 10 Nov 2007 21:09:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Wright To Start Again For Miami

Ian Cohen — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 18:20:00 EST

Filed under: Miami Football, Virginia Football, ACC, BCS, NCAA FB Injuries

At least we know how to properly valuate a 1-14, 3 INT performance from a quarterback. You are officially a worse option than essentially a one-legged version of the quarterback you've beaten out several times in your career. Let's see if that makes it into Kirby Freeman's draft profile somewhere down the road.

For this Saturday's tilt against Virginia, Kyle Wright will take back the controls of the Miami offense, where his ostensible goal will be handing the ball off with no fumbles. But even if this is Wright's protocol, it doesn't exactly augur a positive result for Miami. If you look at UVA's recent run, the NC State contest sticks out, not only because the Wolfpack won, but because they were the only team to air it out against Virginia's suspect secondary. And if the last game at Veterans Stadium is any indication (the Eagles fell in the NFC Championship against Tampa Bay), you can't rely on that whole "it's the last game at the Orange Bowl!" inspiration. Moving out of a sinkhole of a stadium just isn't the kind of motivating factor it used to be.

Wright To Start Again For Miami originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Wed, 07 Nov 2007 18:20:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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