NCAA Football FanHouse http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com NCAA Football FanHouse http://www.blogsmithmedia.com/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/media/feedlogo.gif NCAA Football FanHouse http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com en-us Copyright 2009 Weblogs, Inc. The contents of this feed are available for non-commercial use only. Blogsmith http://www.blogsmith.com/Ducks Bump Wildcats in Game of the Year Candidatehttp://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/11/22/ducks-bump-wildcats-in-college-football-game-of-the-year/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/11/22/ducks-bump-wildcats-in-college-football-game-of-the-year/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/11/22/ducks-bump-wildcats-in-college-football-game-of-the-year/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

It was arguably the game of the year in college football. It was certainly further evidence that the Pac-10 is back as a national conference.

After two overtimes and a touchdown with six seconds left in regulation, the Oregon Ducks outlasted Arizona 44-41 to take control of the Pac-10.

For a while, the stars seemed to align for Arizona. California upset Stanford during the the third quarter of the Wildcats' game, bumping one Pac-10 peer from Rose Bowl contention. Meanwhile, Arizona shrugged off a 14-0 deficit to take a 24-14 lead early in the fourth quarter.

However, Oregon then rallied with 17 points in the final frame, including a highlight-worthy touchdown pass from Jeremiah Masoli to Ed Dickson with six seconds left that deflated the home crowd and dispersed the students, who had emerged nearby to storm the field.

Perhaps still stunned by their defensive collapse, Arizona saw Oregon score a quick touchdown to open overtime. The Wildcats answered with a touchdown of their own but failed to move the ball in the second overtime and settled for a field goal.

The lack of offensive punch was costly as Oregon went 22 yards to the Arizona three on its first play and Masoli ran into the end zone for the winner three plays later.

With that, Arizona's magical night turn to nightmare as the only Pac-10 program never to have played in a Rose Bowl likely saw its Rose Bowl hopes dashed.

Of special intrigue, the Twitterverse was aflame with folks angry they were unable to witness the end of the game. Apparently ABC/ESPN switched to local programming in some parts rather than carry the game of the year to its conclusion. This only adds fuel to Pac-10 fans' fire when it comes to conspiracies about so-called East Coast Bias.

The Ducks now have two weeks to prepare for hosting "Civil War" rival Oregon State. With a win, they clinch the Pac-10 crown and a trip to the Rose Bowl for the first time since 1994. They deserve tremendous credit for overcoming a charged Arizona crowd and rallied late but their celebrated offense disappeared for a significant stretch of the game.

The highlight of the night was definitely receiver Jeff Maehl's circus catch in the back of the end zone in the first overtime Masoli dropped a pass into the back of the end zone, well contested by Arizona's best defensive back. However, Maehl muscled his way to the ball first and corralled it safely before hitting the turf. That play changed the game, not only sending it into a second overtime but demonstrating what team actually wanted this game more on a 50-50 play like that.

Ducks Bump Wildcats in Game of the Year Candidate originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Sun, 22 Nov 2009 00:49:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

 

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]]>Jeff MaehlJeremiah MasoliLaMichael JamesBrian GrummellSun, 22 Nov 2009 00:49:00 EST FanHouse Week 12 NCAA Football Chathttp://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/11/21/fanhouse-week-12-ncaa-football-chat/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/11/21/fanhouse-week-12-ncaa-football-chat/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/11/21/fanhouse-week-12-ncaa-football-chat/#commentsFiled under:

Ohio State and Michigan may grab the headlines this fine November Saturday, but focus should also shift to the also-relevants, those programs like Arizona and Oregon and surging Clemson. We have no choice, really, since Florida and Alabama slotted in tomato cans Chattanooga and Florida International. For additional inspiration, look to the Big Tenleven's newest hackneyed rivalry between Penn State and Michigan State.

As usual we'll be here to talk about whats going on as its going on. So come on down, hit the keypad a little and join the conversation in the FanHouse Saturday College Football Chat starting at 3 PM Eastern.

FanHouse Week 12 NCAA Football Chat originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Sat, 21 Nov 2009 12:20:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

 

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]]>Brian GrummellSat, 21 Nov 2009 12:20:00 EST Midweek College Football Chathttp://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/11/19/midweek-college-football-chat/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/11/19/midweek-college-football-chat/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/11/19/midweek-college-football-chat/#commentsFiled under:

After some competitive games last weekend, college football's powers are oddly synced in lining up the hapless for an uncivilized slaughter. Florida hosts Florida International. Alabama hosts Chattanooga. Texas hosts mutinous Kansas. TCU travels to Wyoming. Boise State travels to Utah State. Combined opponent records? 22 and 28 (.440). This is not good for the competitive image of college football. Like a frustrated Pete Carroll we want to ask, 'what's your deal?'

If that's not interesting conversation, perhaps the ugly hot seat discussions around Bobby Bowden and Mark Mangino will satisfy your taste for mid-day blood as distraction from the rat race. Man drama, embrace it! Point being, lets talk -- college football. You, me, some other FanHouse college football writers. This week's Midweek College Football Chat commences at 2 PM Eastern, chat application after the jump.

Midweek College Football Chat originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Thu, 19 Nov 2009 10:00:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

 

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]]>Brian GrummellThu, 19 Nov 2009 10:00:00 EST FanHouse Week 11 NCAA Football Chathttp://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/11/14/fanhouse-week-11-ncaa-football-chat/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/11/14/fanhouse-week-11-ncaa-football-chat/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/11/14/fanhouse-week-11-ncaa-football-chat/#commentsFiled under:

ESPN College GameDay is at TCU for their battle with last year's darling, Utah. Unbeaten Cincinnati barely survived a home battle with West Virginia last night. Later today, Iowa and Ohio State face off to determine who goes to the Rose Bowl. Elsewhere, a resurgent Pac-10 is home to several critical conference battles in a wacky race. Yeah, its a good weekend for college football and we're going to enjoy this.

With all that on the docket, be sure to cherish a fine Saturday like this and keep the computer nearby. As usual College Football FanHouse is hosting a mid-day chat while immersed in the day's events. The chat commences at 3 PM Eastern, chat application after the jump.

FanHouse Week 11 NCAA Football Chat originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Sat, 14 Nov 2009 11:30:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

 

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]]>Brian GrummellSat, 14 Nov 2009 11:30:00 EST Midweek College Football Chathttp://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/11/12/midweek-college-football-chat/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/11/12/midweek-college-football-chat/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/11/12/midweek-college-football-chat/#commentsFiled under:

Four weeks. Four weeks of games and then this muddy mess of a 2009 college football regular season is over. Meanwhile, an uncomfortable six teams remain undefeated. Until all that construction dust settles, and maybe afterward, we're left with angst and BCS drama as the politicking plays out. Lovely stuff.

This weekend should hopefully sort some of that out but in the meantime we've got opinions we'd like to share (pssst, Cincy won't get my BCS vote, not after letting Connecticut drop 45 on them last week), you've got yours. Its Thursday which means lets amicably sort it all out in the weekly FanHouse College Football Chat. You know the drill, chat starts at 2 PM Eastern, chat application after the jump, do join us.

Midweek College Football Chat originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Thu, 12 Nov 2009 01:35:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

 

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]]>Brian GrummellThu, 12 Nov 2009 01:35:00 EST Pike Not Ready, Collaros Will Start Fridayhttp://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/11/10/cincy-calls-pikes-number-if-hes-healthy/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/11/10/cincy-calls-pikes-number-if-hes-healthy/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/11/10/cincy-calls-pikes-number-if-hes-healthy/#commentsFiled under: , , , ,

Zach Collaros, Tony PikeA day after saying that Cincinnati senior Tony Pike would be his starting quarterback when "100 percent" healthy, Bearcats coach Brian Kelly told Cincinnati radio station WEBN-FM that back-up Zach Collaros would start Friday against West Virginia.

Collaros started for Pike the past three games, and has completed 80 percent of his passes. Saturday against UConn, Collaros set a Big East and school record with 555 yards of total offense, including 480 yards passing.

Despite Collaros' impressive showing the past 3 1/2 games, Kelly said Pike would regain his starting position when healthy. Kelly's announcement means that Pike still hasn't fully recovered from his left arm injury.

Kelly said after the Bearcats' 47-45 victory, that he wasn't sure if Collaros had won the starting job from Pike, who reinjured his left arm -- which he initially broke last season -- on Oct. 15 at South Florida. Pike underwent surgery on the arm a couple weeks ago and was cleared to play Saturday, but didn't play against the Huskies.

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"I went back and thought about clearly the pluses and minuses -- a lot of pluses with both guys," Kelly said. "After careful consideration, Tony's our guy [when he is healthy]. We've got to make sure he's at the level he needs to be [physically]."

In the first 5 1/2 games before the injury, Pike threw for 1,633 yards and 15 touchdowns. Collaros replaced an injured Pike in the second half at USF, leading the Bearcats to the 34-17 victory.

Collaros is 3-0 as a starter, completing 80.5 percent (66-of-82) for 1,028 yards and eight touchdowns.

"I don't think I should start," Collaros told FanHouse after blistering UConn for a Big East 555 yards of total offense. "Tony's my guy. We've played really well as of late, but there's no reason to think we couldn't have done the same thing with Tony.

"Tony's our guy. Tony's the starter. He's a great quarterback and he's our leader. Whenever he's ready to go he should start."

Pike is the stronger passer and has a stronger arm, but Collaros' accuracy and running ability makes him a better all-around threat.

"I had to spend the weekend thinking about it," Kelly said. "Generally, I'm pretty good about making decisions. It's a difficult one."

Last week, Pike had a specially made splint for his left forearm, allowing him to practice. Kelly said Pike wouldn't play until he had completely healed -- whenever that might be.

"If Tony's fully healthy, he's our starter," Kelly said. "The issue is [that] this becomes day to day. There's X-rays and so much that's out of my hands medically. And the risk factor -- what's the risk factor in putting him out there?"

West Virginia coach Bill Stewart said Monday his club would prepare for both quarterbacks, but wouldn't comment on which one he prefers to face.

"I'm not going there," Stewart said.

"Brian Kelly has the tough decision. All we have to do is try and stop them," Stewart joked.

Stewart said he's been impressed with Collaros and said he's similar to West Virginia quarterback Jarrett Brown and former WVU quarterback Pat White.

"These guys that have their running ability, they have the innate ability to pull the down," Stewart said. "These guys just tuck it and go. That's what makes Zach, Jarrett, Pat [so difficult to defend], they're athletes playing quarterback."

Louisville coach Steve Kragthorpe, who said he rather would have faced Pike instead of Collaros after losing to Collaros and UC 41-10 on Oct. 24, said Kelly has a tough decision.

"I guess that's the question of the week in the Big East," Kragthorpe said Monday.



Pike Not Ready, Collaros Will Start Friday originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Tue, 10 Nov 2009 14:30:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

 

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]]>Zach Colzach collarosZachColZachCollarosBrett McMurphyTue, 10 Nov 2009 14:30:00 EST FanHouse Week 10 NCAA Football Chathttp://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/11/07/fanhouse-week-10-college-football-chat/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/11/07/fanhouse-week-10-college-football-chat/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/11/07/fanhouse-week-10-college-football-chat/#commentsFiled under:

For at least one Saturday, college football's prime time doesn't carry the headliner. Instead, it's the mid-day shift featuring games between LSU and Alabama and Ohio State and Penn State. Wouldn't you know, those overlap with our weekly FanHouse Saturday chat.

Elsewhere, its a quiet weekend at first glance but 11 ranked teams are on the road, something worth monitoring. So, swing on by and join us and our writers in an ongoing discussion through the middle of the the day. Chat (3 PM Eastern) application after the jump.

FanHouse Week 10 NCAA Football Chat originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Sat, 07 Nov 2009 13:59:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

 

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]]>Brian GrummellSat, 07 Nov 2009 13:59:00 EST Big 12 Proposal Will Hurt Non-BCS Schools' Bowl Chanceshttp://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/11/05/big-12-proposal-would-hurt-non-bcs-schools-bowl-hopes/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/11/05/big-12-proposal-would-hurt-non-bcs-schools-bowl-hopes/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/11/05/big-12-proposal-would-hurt-non-bcs-schools-bowl-hopes/#commentsFiled under: ,

The six BCS leagues already get most of the BCS bowl game slots and now there's a greater chance they'll start gobbling up all of the at-large bids to the minor bowls beginning in 2010.

Last week, the NCAA's Division I Board of Directors agreed to sponsor legislation that would treat football teams with .500 records the same as teams with winning records for bowl participation. If the legislation passes, it would allow a bowl, that has to go outside its conference affiliation to fill a spot, to select a more attractive 6-6 BCS school over a 7- or 8-win non-BCS school.

Which is exactly why the Big 12 proposed the legislation. Sources told FanHouse that the Big East and ACC support the legislation, while the other BCS leagues (Big Ten, Pac-10 and SEC) also are expected to support it.

"Our feeling is that a 6-6 team from the Big 12 that has played five teams in the Top 25 should not be in a different position from a 7-5 team from another conference that may have only played one or no teams in the Top 25," Big 12 commissioner Don Beebe told the NCAA News. "The six-win team is probably more marketable in some cases than the others, so it should be treated the same."



More marketable as in, will sell more tickets.

For this season, the non-BCS winning teams cannot be bypassed by a 6-6 BCS team. For example: if the Big Ten does not have enough bowl-eligible teams to send to the Little Caesar's Bowl or the SEC doesn't have a team to send to the Papajohns.com Bowl, those bowls must select a team with at least seven wins.

If there were not any BCS seven-win teams available, the bowl would have to select a non-BCS league (Mountain West, WAC, Mid-American, C-USA or Sun Belt). Next year, however, in that scenario, the bowl could bypass a seven-win non-BCS team for a 6-6 BCS team.

So basically, after a BCS team opens with a win against a FCS team, it only needs to go 5-6 against FBS teams to secure a bowl bid.

This year there are 34 bowl games. With the addition of the Yankee Bowl and Dallas Football Classic next season, there could be as many 36 bowls, meaning 60 percent of the 120 FBS teams would play in a bowl game.

No wonder the FBS doesn't want a playoff.
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Big 12 Proposal Will Hurt Non-BCS Schools' Bowl Chances originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Thu, 05 Nov 2009 17:07:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

 

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]]>Brett McMurphyThu, 05 Nov 2009 17:07:00 EST Midweek College Football Chathttp://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/11/05/midweek-college-football-chat/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/11/05/midweek-college-football-chat/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/11/05/midweek-college-football-chat/#commentsFiled under:

In the middle of a troubled economic climate, most Americans aren't seeing green but the college football world definitely is after Oregon's complete destruction of once mighty USC Saturday night. Our daytime chat missed the wreckage but we're welcoming everyone back for a discussion of that seismic event this Thursday, starting at 2 PM Eastern. There's also this little matter of determining whether LSU is a legitimate stumbling block for suddenly shaky Alabama.

That may be the only marquee game of the weekend but overall this week eleven ranked teams will be playing on the road, an always dangerous event in the bloodthirsty fan atmosphere of college football. So please join us once again in our weekly Thursday discussion. Chat application after the jump.

Midweek College Football Chat originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Thu, 05 Nov 2009 14:01:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

 

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]]>Brian GrummellThu, 05 Nov 2009 14:01:00 EST Oh, the Humility for Trojanshttp://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/11/01/ducks-humiliate-usc/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/11/01/ducks-humiliate-usc/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/11/01/ducks-humiliate-usc/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

There's no other way to put it. Oregon's football program unequivocally demolished longtime Pac-10 overlord USC 47 to 20 on Saturday, effectively putting the brakes on two major, likely never to be repeated feats the Trojans had accomplished.

USC's record streak of seven Pac-10 championships is likely done, as is its even more impressive run of never losing by more than 11 points in the Pete Carroll era (and never by more than seven points once things really got rolling in 2002).

The Ducks finished with a 27-point winning margin and it easily could have been more. It was a two-sided wholesale destruction few outside of Autzen could have reasonably anticipated given the nature of USC's run these last few years. As a USC guy I knew it had to happen eventually, but I was thinking something like a 14-point loss, something reasonable.


But 27? That's put-your-head-in-a-blender inexplicable. That's just not how USC has ever handled things under Carroll, rarely surrendering 30 points thanks to unprecedented hauls of talent and a system Carroll (and mentor Monte Kiffin) developed to be the vanguard of NFL defenses. Oregon didn't give two hoots and went out there and sent USC's entire aura packing.

Needless to say, the Ducks are now Pac-10 favorites and USC is left likely scrambling to secure a Holiday Bowl or Sun Bowl berth, its first non-BCS appearance since an embarrassing Las Vegas Bowl defeat to Utah after the turnaround 2001 season.

If you're looking for some long-term prognosis here, good luck. At first impression, it sure looks like Oregon's coaching and system is plain better than USC's at this point. Football is a game that constantly evolves but certain fundamentals hold true over time. USC's generally clung to those fundamentals in running straightforward pro-style offenses and defenses. But perhaps that's just a little old school for the moment; even as the trendy spread offenses appear to have waned, here comes Oregon.

Coach Chip Kelly's spread and shred approach has worked wonders since the opening week embarrassment at Boise State, notching a 39-point victory against California, a 46-point victory over Washington State, a 14-point victory at UCLA, a 24-point victory at Washington and now Saturday's 27-point thrashing of USC.

Oregon has violently and aggressively lashed out since the Boise State defeat, emerging as the best non-USC Pac-10 team since the Cal Bears of 2004 who were wrongly left out of the BCS thanks to shameless politics out of Texas coach Mack Brown.

They must now soldier forward with a level head and not embarrass themselves in a tough final stretch again Stanford, Arizona State, Arizona and Civil War rival Oregon State. This is too rare a treasure to squander.

Oh, the Humility for Trojans originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Sun, 01 Nov 2009 00:32:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

 

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]]>Brian GrummellSun, 01 Nov 2009 00:32:00 EST FanHouse Week 9 College Football Chathttp://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/31/fanhouse-week-9-college-football-chat/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/31/fanhouse-week-9-college-football-chat/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/31/fanhouse-week-9-college-football-chat/#commentsFiled under:

Its the last major conference hurdle for two championship contenders -- USC and Texas. The Trojans are headlining with the Halloween frightfest at Autzen against resurgent Oregon. Texas must face Oklahoma State, the perennial challenger that has had Texas' number at times but failed to seal the deal in recent years. Something may just give and shake up the championship race.

The FanHouse crew will be around to discuss the mid-day action in our weekly Saturday chat, starting at 3 PM, Eastern. Chat application after the jump.

FanHouse Week 9 College Football Chat originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Sat, 31 Oct 2009 11:50:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

 

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]]>Brian GrummellSat, 31 Oct 2009 11:50:00 EST USC vs. Oregon, Oklahoma State vs. Texas: College Football Live Tweethttp://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/31/usc-vs-oregon-oklahoma-state-vs-texas-college-football-live/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/31/usc-vs-oregon-oklahoma-state-vs-texas-college-football-live/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/31/usc-vs-oregon-oklahoma-state-vs-texas-college-football-live/#commentsFiled under:

USC vs. Oregon and Oklahoma State vs. Texas are the two big college football games of the day, and I'll be tweeting about them on Saturday night.

But don't wait until then to start following me on Twitter: I'll also be tweeting about the early games on this college football Saturday, with thoughts on Cincinnati playing without Tony Pike, Boise State hoping no one forgets its win over Oregon, and No. 1 Florida vs. Georgia. For the full live tweet, follow along below or @MichaelDavSmith.

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USC vs. Oregon, Oklahoma State vs. Texas: College Football Live Tweet originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Sat, 31 Oct 2009 11:07:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

 

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]]>Michael David SmithSat, 31 Oct 2009 11:07:00 EST Layla Kiffin Denies SI Swimsuit Rumorhttp://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/30/layla-kiffin-coming-to-sis-swimsuit-issue/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/30/layla-kiffin-coming-to-sis-swimsuit-issue/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/30/layla-kiffin-coming-to-sis-swimsuit-issue/#commentsFiled under: ,

Layla KiffinIn the minutes after he was hired at Tennessee, Lane Kiffin's wife, Layla, shot to the forefront of Google search results. At the time she was pregnant with her third child. None of that mattered. Vol fans, and college football fans across the country, were immediately amazed with how far Lane Kiffin had outkicked his coverage. Layla's good looks and Lane's recruiting offered tangible proof, if any was needed, that my theory -- the hotter the wife the better the recruiter -- was gold.

Now, having delivered her third child, rumors swirled Friday morning that Layla would be posing for Sports Illustrated's swimsuit issue. As first reported by the Sports Animal radio station in Knoxville, the rumor swept the Internets and sent pulses racing and subscription rates surging in the Tennessee Valley. Alas, it was not to be. "Absolutely not true," said Tiffany Carpenter, director of UT public relations.

Indeed, Layla has not even been approached by anyone at Sports Illustrated about posing in their swimsuit issue.

If the reaction on Friday is any indication, SI might want to reconsider that position.

Already, pictures of Layla tailgating at the UCLA game have taken the Internet by storm. Not to mention the thousands of people who joined the Facebook group, Our Coach's Wife Is Hotter Than Your Coach's Wife. To say that Layla Kiffin is an Internet phenomenon doesn't do the term justice. Let's just say I don't think she would need to pull a Mrs. Roger Clemens and take HGH before the shoot.

If she did choose to don a swimsuit for the issue, Layla would immediately become Lane Kiffin's most public recruiting tool. Come to Tennessee, you might end up with a woman who looks like this. Even if, you know, Layla is actually a Gator grad and the daughter of a former Gator quarterback.

Lil Wayne better hit the studio, he's got a new track to drop.

In the meantime, keep dreaming Vol fans. And, if the shoot does materialize despite present denials, hope that Terrence Cody doesn't step in front of the camera lens at the last possible moment.
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Layla Kiffin Denies SI Swimsuit Rumor originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Fri, 30 Oct 2009 13:05:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

 

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]]>layla kiffinClay TravisFri, 30 Oct 2009 13:05:00 EST Tebow's Touchdown Mark, Trick or Treat?http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/30/on-cocktail-halloween-will-touchdown-record-be-trick-or-treat/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/30/on-cocktail-halloween-will-touchdown-record-be-trick-or-treat/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/30/on-cocktail-halloween-will-touchdown-record-be-trick-or-treat/#commentsFiled under: , , , ,

There is no more beloved Georgia Bulldog football player than Herschel Walker and no more beloved Florida football player than Tim Tebow.

Disagree if you like, but I feel pretty confident in both statements. Sadly, these gridiron warriors are separated by a generation and never will get the chance to play one another in the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party. By the time Tebow arrived at Florida, Walker was only in the news alongside Tebow for acknowledging his multiple personality disorder.

Until now. Saturday, Tebow, who trails the Georgia running back by one rushing touchdown for his career, is likely to break Walker's all-time rushing touchdown total in the SEC.

Or is he?

It seems there's a bit of an accounting error in the record books. See, the SEC didn't start counting bowl game touchdowns in the end of season totals until recently. So Herschel Walker actually scored five more touchdowns for the Bulldogs that don't appear in his official stats. That means Walker's 49 career rushing touchdowns should actually be 54 career rushing touchdowns. Now, right now, you might be thinking to yourself, that doesn't really matter very much. But if you know Georgia and Florida fans, you know the exact opposite is true, it matters an awful lot, particularly for Georgia fans who continue to worship at the altar of St. Herschel even as we approach 30 years since he last scorched across the Sanford Stadium grass.

Tebow's ascension to the top of the career rushing record in the SEC begs the question, how hard would it really be to put five interns in charge of reviewing the stats from every bowl game, add the touchdowns up with proper attribution, and then include them in the season totals? I mean, when you consider the amount of money that SEC schools waste on, say, travel, how can not having accurate records from bowl games really be an issue?

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Especially when it comes to a basic stat like touchdowns?

I'm not saying they need to be able to recreate sacks or punt yardage from ancient bowl games, but touchdowns? Come on, let's get on this. It wouldn't even cost a dime. But if the SEC wanted it to cost a dime so they could be a bit more certain about past histories, they could bring in an accounting firm, provide them with all the bowl records featuring every team, and let them crunch the data for a single weekend. By the end of that weekend all the stats would be accurate forever.

In fact, this idea makes so much sense, how has it not happened? I might turn this into a personal crusade until someone in the SEC offices explains why this is impossible. From doing research on my last book, I know the sports information departments keep all of the old clips from games that they can. Certainly, they keep all the old records from bowl games.

I'll keep y'all updated on this quest.

In the meantime, you can imagine why Georgia fans are so incensed at the idea of Tebow breaking Walker's record. It's one of the few things they have to hold onto in this series. In fact, in the 27 years since Herschel Walker last played for the Bulldogs, Georgia has won just eight Cocktail Parties. It's even worse since 1990. In the last 19 seasons, Georgia is 3-16 against the Gators.

Is there a more lopsided bitter rivalry game in the country?

As if that weren't enough, Georgia is coming off its worst loss in the series since 1996. And, of course, there's that tiny little fact about Urban Meyer taking two timeouts inside the final minute so Georgia fans could stew over their 49-10 defeat. Now, on top of all that, Tim Tebow is going to take Herschel's record? Right in front of Bulldog fans? Taking the record against Georgia is so diabolical, it almost seems planned.

Yep, these are the times that try a Bulldog fan's soul. And not just because Willie Martinez is still prowling the sideline, and he and Mark Richt spent the bye week convincing all recruits that Martinez wasn't going anywhere. With a bye week to prepare, a team that is over a two-touchdown underdog, facing a number one team on the other sideline that hasn't lost in 17 consecutive games, Georgia fans are doing their best to string together a plausible argument about why this year will be different than all the others that have come before.

And I'll give you this prediction: It's going to be a single-digit game.

Come Saturday, I'll be there to find out exactly how much both teams care when I attend the Cocktail Party. And by "attend the Cocktail Party," I mean don't actually enter the stadium. My goal this weekend is to capture the Cocktail Party atmosphere without managing to see a single live snap. So from Friday when I touch down in Jacksonville until Sunday when I take off, I want to see it all. This makes even more sense when you consider the obvious -- it's Halloween.

The always insane Cocktail Party will likely be ratcheted up to an entirely new level of insanity. And the costumes, my God, the costumes, will blow your mind away. That's why I'm soliciting costume suggestions. Although, to be fair, I'm really not sure how many people will be wearing costumes to the game. And is there anything worse than being the only tool in a costume when everyone else is dressed normally? The only ground rules for costume suggestions are that it can't be so hot to make me pass out (alcohol causing me to pass out is, of course, a natural hazard of the game) and I'm not dressing up as a girl.

Not again this year, anyway.



It's also going to be, wait for it, 89 degrees. The atmosphere around the stadium -- the only game that fills the Jacksonville Jaguar stadium up all year -- is going to be so laden with alcohol fumes that if someone struck a large match the entire place would explode.

On Cocktail Party weekend Jacksonville is like Sodom and Gomorrah and Tebow's the only person who wouldn't turn to salt. And I can't wait for the experience. I want to hear from y'all about what I have to do, see, and experience. So shoot me a line at clay.travis@gmail.com. Then check back on Sunday for the story of the game. Or, more accurately, the story of what went on around the game.

Tebow's Touchdown Mark, Trick or Treat? originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Fri, 30 Oct 2009 08:05:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

 

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]]>Clay TravisFri, 30 Oct 2009 08:05:00 EST Midweek College Football Chathttp://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/29/midweek-college-football-chat/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/29/midweek-college-football-chat/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/29/midweek-college-football-chat/#commentsFiled under:

College football has just slipped past its midpoint and finds itself with uncertain championship and Heisman Trophy races. With a scary slate of games scheduled for Halloween night it begs us to ask, is this a trick or a treat? Like that creaky floorboard and a rustling just outside your door, some of us perhaps cower at what might be around the corner -- Alabama's first Heisman? Texas and its impotent run game in the BCS Championship? Nooo, nooooo! we tremble.

But maybe its just a nightmare. A scary dream. We can only guess at the yet-to-be-revealed future. In the absence of a soothsayer, let's return to this weekly ritual and discuss matters some more inside the FanHouse Midweek College Football Chat, hmmm? Don't be afraid (mwahahahahhaha). Step right in at 2 pm ET today. Chat after the jump.

Midweek College Football Chat originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Thu, 29 Oct 2009 13:22:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

 

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]]>Brian GrummellThu, 29 Oct 2009 13:22:00 EST Lil Wayne Name Drops Lane Kiffin in Latest Rap Songhttp://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/28/lil-wayne-name-drops-lane-kiffin-in-latest-rap-song/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/28/lil-wayne-name-drops-lane-kiffin-in-latest-rap-song/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/28/lil-wayne-name-drops-lane-kiffin-in-latest-rap-song/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Lane Kiffin, Lil WayneLane Kiffin's off-field comments have twice earned him reprimands from the Southeastern Conference this season. But now he's finally getting mad props -- assuming people still give mad props -- thanks to the rapper Lil Wayne. In Lil's newest track, Banned From TV, the Southern rapper includes this line, "Smoke weed, talk s--- like Lane Kiffin." Now Lane Kiffin has acknowledged the endorsement via Twitter, tweeting today, "looking forward to another great practice today and a huge game Saturday ... also a huge shout-out to Lil Wayne for boosting our street cred!"

Yep, two of the South's top gangsters are already in fine form. As for fans? Well, UT fans, are already talking about, wait for it, the recruiting benefits of Lil Wayne's lyrical endorsement. Wrote a reader, Alan, this morning in an e-mail to me, "Should help with recruiting. Especially in South Florida, Louisiana, Atlanta and Memphis."

But why stop with recruiting help? Now that he's been bound and gagged by the SEC, Lane Kiffin should hop on the gangster train and play this for all it's worth.

Lil Wayne's past is dotted with controversy, including being arrested three times for drug-related issues, Wayne now faces sentencing in February on a weapons charge for which he has already plead guilty. He's expected to serve a year in prison. Notwithstanding his criminal history, he's also an acknowledged sports fan, having memorably appeared on ESPN's Around the Horn earlier this year and debated sports journalists on issues of the day. In a sad day for sports journalists everywhere, Wayne triumphed.
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Lil Wayne is 27 and Lane Kiffin is just 34. So it's not particularly surprising that the New Orleans native would have picked up on Kiffin's brash manner and incorporated the antics into a song. As for Kiffin, markedly younger than most coaches in the SEC, and about 10,000 percent cooler than the only person near his own age, the top-button buttoning Dan Mullen, he's better able to bridge the generational divide with his players. And while Kiffin has some interesting character traits that don't fit in that well with the rap universe -- he goes for jogs on game day and wears visors for instance -- his affinity for the entertainment side of college football is really second-to-one, Steve Spurrier in the 1990s. Now that he's been threatened with suspension should he make any more improper comments, maybe Kiffin can just rely on third parties to make his case via rap lyrics.

Amazingly, right now, that seems possible.

Clay Travis is the author of three books. His latest, "On Rocky Top: A Front Row Seat to The End of an Era" chronicles the 2008 Tennessee football season and is on sale now.

Lil Wayne Name Drops Lane Kiffin in Latest Rap Song originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Wed, 28 Oct 2009 15:12:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

 

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]]>lane kiffinlil wayneClay TravisWed, 28 Oct 2009 15:12:00 EST College Football Live Tweethttp://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/24/college-football-live-tweet/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/24/college-football-live-tweet/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/24/college-football-live-tweet/#commentsFiled under:

It's a strange college football Saturday: The GameDay guys are at the TCU-BYU game, even though it's not on ESPN -- and even though they're cryptically talking about how it's on a hard channel to find (Versus).

Meanwhile, the best of a bad bunch of early games is in Columbus, where Minnesota is at Ohio State -- and where Terrelle Pryor's skills are being wasted in an offense that isn't making very good use of him.

We'll have all the early afternoon college football updates right here in our college football live tweet, so if you follow college football, follow along below or follow me on Twitter @MichaelDavSmith.

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College Football Live Tweet originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Sat, 24 Oct 2009 12:01:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

 

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]]>Michael David SmithSat, 24 Oct 2009 12:01:00 EST Midweek College Football Chathttp://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/22/midweek-college-football-chat/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/22/midweek-college-football-chat/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/22/midweek-college-football-chat/#commentsFiled under:

So its week eight, and you've seen the initial BCS standings. If you're an SEC honk, its good times. If you're undefeated Iowa you're wondering why one loss USC is breathing down your neck. If you're USC, well, Pete Carroll's already had his say. But what about the rest of us? And does it matter since the only time it really matters is in the final standings once the entire regular season has played out?

As the character in the old Mike Myers Saturday Night Live skit would say ... discuss. Please join us in our usual midweek college football chat, starting at 2 PM Eastern. Chat application after the jump.

Midweek College Football Chat originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Thu, 22 Oct 2009 11:00:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

 

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]]>Brian GrummellThu, 22 Oct 2009 11:00:00 EST Political Action Committee Takes on BCShttp://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/20/political-action-committee-takes-aim-at-bcs/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/20/political-action-committee-takes-aim-at-bcs/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/20/political-action-committee-takes-aim-at-bcs/#commentsFiled under: ,

BCSWe've had BCS outrage across the land, two anti-trust hearings in Congress, and enough fan anger to power a trip to Mars (if spaceships ran on rage). None of it has changed the BCS. At least, not yet. Now there's a new front in the fan war against college football's broken system. Meet the Playoff PAC, a political action committee, that is raising money to fight the powers-that-be in the BCS. Their goal? Donate money to candidates who also support a college football playoff until they've remade Congress in their pro-playoff image.

Don't believe me? Read their mission statement including this stirring finale "To that end, Playoff PAC helps elect pro-reform political candidates, mobilizes public support, and provides a centralized source of pro-reform news, thought and scholarship." Already the PAC has received the commendation of three elected officials in Congress, Senator Orrin Hatch of Utah and Representatives Neil Abercrombie of Hawaii and Joe Barton of Texas.

More Coverage: Visit PlayoffPac.com


According to Matt Sanderson, a Washington attorney who was a campaign finance counsel for McCain-Palin 2008 and is one of the PAC's six founders, the action committee is non-partisan and focused on ending the BCS.

Launched Monday to coincide with the first BCS rankings of the year, which came out Sunday afternoon, the site is already raising money online.

"We agreed from the start that we'd give evenly to both parties. The goal is to create a more favorable political atmosphere for Congress. We want to be a one-stop shop for staffers who are researching this issue. Right now they can find the BCS information easily on their Web site, but finding the anti-BCS arguments are so much more difficult."

The goal is to utilize social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook to spread the PAC's message. To accomplish this, the PAC has a board made up of six volunteers, among them two attorneys and several others with Capitol Hill experience. In many ways, the six are reflective of what could be the BCS' most difficult combatants, intelligent and engaged fans who are better experienced with the tools of new media than the BCS itself.

And to me that's the most interesting part of the new Playoff PAC, the degree to which the fan movement against the BCS is moving beyond message board and talk radio grumblings. The BCS believes their foe is disorganized and unintelligent, I think the reality is much different. Many people from all walks of life are beginning to operate the utilize the instruments of governance to draw attention to the current situation.

To that end, Playoff PAC intends to commission polls, for instance, to use to show Congressmen how fervent the anti-BCS fervor is amid their constituency. All of that doesn't mean Sanderson and his PAC have an easy task ahead of them. Asked whether a PAC is really needed to combat the BCS, Sanderson calls it "absolutely necessary."

He also dispells criticism from those who would question whether Congress needs to get involved in this issue.

"The fact is, it's a wrong. We're not saying it's more important than a war, far from it, just that it's something that can be fixed. We expect our Congressmen to be able to walk and chew gum at the same time, the reality is they can be focused on fixing a lot of things that are wrong with our country. This is one of them."

Political Action Committee Takes on BCS originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Tue, 20 Oct 2009 16:45:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

 

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]]>Clay TravisTue, 20 Oct 2009 16:45:00 EST Starting 11: When a Wedding Causes a Football Separationhttp://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/20/starting-11-when-a-wedding-causes-a-football-separation/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/20/starting-11-when-a-wedding-causes-a-football-separation/http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/20/starting-11-when-a-wedding-causes-a-football-separation/#commentsFiled under: , , , , ,

On Saturday, I didn't see a single snap of a single college football game. Not one. This has never happened before in my life. Instead I was an usher at my friend's wedding in Atlanta. This means that this week's ClayNation Starting 11 is going to be a primer on my day in a fall wedding.

The wedding featured a bride who had graduated from Auburn and a groom who had graduated from Kentucky. Are the alarm bells going off yet? The two teams played Saturday night. Seven of the 11 groomsmen and ushers graduated from Kentucky, all of the bridesmaids went to Auburn. The result was a near riot. But that comes in the future. First, the beginning.

9:30AM CT

Departure from Nashville. It's freezing. Seriously, freezing. It has to be the coldest Oct. 17 in the history of Tennessee. Another couple arrives to ride down to the wedding with us, my friend Kelly, and his girlfriend Erin. Kelly is also a groomsman. As we load up for the trip, my wife asks me to clear out the rear of the car so we can put the third seat down and someone can sleep on the way back.

I forget.

As we walk to the car, I realize this fact, and tell the other couple to say they asked me not to put down the third seat or clear out the trunk. We arrive at the car.

My wife immediately notices: "Clay! I told you to put down the third seat."

"They said we didn't need to do it." I nudge the other couple.

They both nod.

My wife narrows her gaze, fiery in my direction. "Did he tell you to say that?" she asks.

Kelly changes the conversation, "How come our tuxes cost $150?" he asks.

Interlude:

Has anyone ever had to pay $150 for a tux before? Here's a comparison. In 1999, oral sex cost $50 in Amsterdam. So a decade ago, you could leave the red light district with a smile on your face for $150. Now I can rent one tux to be an usher at a wedding?

Takeaway: The tuxedo rental business is insane. How are the margins this high for a 24-hour rental? Why isn't there an online tux rental place that FedExes you the tux, does away with the physical store location, and charges like $50?

Basically, why doesn't Amazon rent tuxes?

And if they do have physical stores, why are they such pussbuckets at these places? Do they really need your overarm measurement? Who am I, Tony Siragusa? How many people have ridiculous overarm measurements that change what size jacket they should be wearing?

And why are their hours so bad? The place in Nashville is only open from 10-5 every day.

10-5!

The bank is more convenient. I don't really have any reason to complain about this since I work from home, but my friend Kelly has to take off work to get measured for his tux.
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Meanwhile, I tried to submit my measurements online. I'm a normal-sized guy. Give me a 34 waist, a 42 regular jacket, and I'm ready to go. Yet the measurements won't submit until I give an overarm measurement?

I entered seven feet. Or seven inches. I'm not really sure how that form worked.

10:15

I'm pulled over for speeding, going 90 in a 70. Bad news, it's a Tennessee state trooper. Worse news, my tags and registration are expired. Also, I don't have my insurance card in the car. Basically, all I have is my driver's license.

My wife fumes in the back seat. "I hope they don't arrest you," she says.

"If you did get arrested," Kelly says, "that would be pretty funny."

I attempt to make friends with the state trooper, a man with a shaved head, one working eye, and a slight stutter. My tax dollars at work.

"We're on our way ..."

He cuts me off. "Sign this, please."

In my entire life, I've only gotten away with speeding once after being pulled over. Why then? Because I had a Virgin Islands license plate on the car and the cop had no idea how to write me a ticket. I considered keeping the Virgin Islands plate for the next decade. The only time I ever wish I was a woman is every time I get pulled over for speeding.

Also, if a war happens.

Anyway, and I'm not making this up, the speeding ticket and other two violations add up to $784.48.

How is this not cruel and unusual punishment? People pay lower fines for murder.

Truly.

10:30

My wife has spent the past 15 minutes ridiculing my driving. She has been in two car accidents in the past year. But if I mention them, she gets very angry.

In one of them she totaled a car, in another "accident" she lightly bumped a car in front of her at a stop sign. There was not a scratch on their bumper, yet the entire family went to the hospital on a stretcher.

11:00

We stop for lunch. The best part of my day? The Mushroom Swiss Angus burger at McDonald's, number 14 on the value meal. I'm not exaggerating when I say it's the greatest sandwich in the history of fast food. It's like sex meets McDonald's ... aka Louisville basketball.

11:45

We plug in the GPS to check our time situation. After 10 minutes my wife says, "Uh oh." We're scheduled to arrive at 2:55.

The bus taking us to pictures departs the hotel at 3:00.

Now, we have to arrive, get changed into our tuxes, and depart in five minutes.

1:05 PM

Twenty minutes later, the time changes. We're now on the East Coast.

I hate the timezone change.

Firmly.

For my entire life as an adult, I'm only ever driving from the central time zone to the eastern time zone. I'm always losing an hour. And don't give me that crap about gaining it when you come back. I never need to rush back to something in the central time zone.

Nashville is fairly close to the time line. It gets dark early in winter, the sun goes down earlier in summer, basically the only thing worth gaining in the central time zone is an hour earlier late-night television. And now that I have a kid I'm too tired to stay up for that anyway. Plus, thanks to dawn arriving in Nashville at 4:55 every morning, he gets up as soon as the sun rises.

So, as you can see, even time is lined up against me.

1:15 PM

My iPhone is losing battery life, which means I may not have any ability to keep tabs on the scores. Two issues with the iPhone. A.) The battery life is shorter than a Wizard of Oz munchkin and B.) You can't read anything when you use the Internet browser. How do you zoom on Web pages if you don't have the app downloaded?

Yeah, it's great that there are 85,000 apps, but if you could just read a Web page by using the Internet browser you would need like 18 apps.

For instance, the only app I have that is designed to do anything other than read a Web page is paper football.

How is this not noted as a flaw?

1:15-2:50 now ET

My wife says, "Stop driving so fast." Repeatedly.

2:51

We exit near the hotel. The road to our hotel is only there because the Perimeter Mall is also there. The entire road, and this is the complete truth, is just a loop around the mall.

This is my issue with Atlanta, the entire city's road system seems to exist so you can reach a shopping center that didn't exist before.

We stop at eight consecutive lights, all bordering the mall. With this rate of speed, now I know what the immigrants felt like crossing the Atlantic.

2:57

Arrival at the hotel. I leave the car running and go digging through my bag for black socks. Unfortunately, I mistakenly brought blue socks.

With tiny penguins etched on them.

2:58

Kelly beats me to the hotel desk and gets his key first. Our tuxes are waiting in our rooms.

3:01

The desk clerk takes her time checking me in. I learn that the hotel has a free breakfast, something about Wi-Fi, and am tempted to strangle the clerk with my penguin socks.

Here's the only thing I've ever wanted other than a hotel room: a toothbrush in my hotel room. If you don't have toothbrushes, I couldn't care less about the other accoutrements.

In fact, a promise, the next hotel chain that starts providing disposable toothbrushes and toothpaste, I will stay in for the rest of my life.

3:06

I'm dressed in my tuxedo and nonchalantly waiting in the lobby as if I've been here all morning. Several other groomsmen arrive to inform me that Oklahoma and Texas, while poorly played, is currently tied at 13.

3:10

We all climb into the shuttle en route to the church. Beers are opened.

The groom says there is a television in the church but it doesn't work. "It's only for videos."

Videos of what?

3:15

The groom says there will be no televisions at the reception because the bride believes they would be a "distraction."

The Kentucky grads all groan.

Question: If millions of people choose to do something, i.e. attend or watch a football game, and 125 do something else, say, attend a wedding, doesn't that make the wedding the distraction?

3:31

Drinking inside the church is forbidden. So everyone stands on the curb outside and drinks. Kerry wins the BlackBerry, iPhone shuffle and becomes the first to report that Texas has beaten Oklahoma.

3:55

Florida and Arkansas are scoreless midway through the first quarter. We're seated in a large room with two televisions. A groomsman begins to work on obtaining a signal from the television.

"Who has a flat screen," he asks, "only to watch videos?"

4:05

We confirm the church has a flat screen only to watch videos. Arkansas leads 7-0 on Florida.

4:15

Picture time!

We take eight photographs. In one of them the groom is walking 10 feet ahead of us and we're supposed to chase him. It's only the second most homoerotic shot.

In the most homoerotic shot, the groom stands in front and everyone gets in a straight line behind him and raises their arms in different directions. "I promise it looks really cool," the photographer says.

Kelly shakes his head, "I don't know about you," he says, "but I'm opting out of the teabag shot."

4:25

Most of the groomsmen relocate to the parked bus and, in a silent effort to reclaim their manliness, begin drinking beers heavily.

There is also a flat-screen television on the bus.

But, you guessed it ... no satellite signal.

It's for videos or DVDs as well.

4:59

Outside the groom's room hangs a picture of Jesus that appears to focus on His nipple. I stand looking at the painting for a few seconds.

Another man passes, "You don't really think about Jesus' nipples that much until you see a picture like that," he says.

5:30

Florida leads Arkansas 13-10. Southern Cal is up two scores on Notre Dame. Virginia Tech is down to Georgia Tech.

My iPhone battery hangs perilously on the living side of electronic life, bars vanishing at a rapid rate.

5:35

" 'Can you keep up with the game during the service? ... Here's what you do, if Arkansas scores, give me a thumbs up, if Florida scores, flick me off.' Welcome to a Southern wedding."
We line up to begin ushering guests into the church. Things begin ominously, I take a woman's arm and her mentally handicapped daughter throws a screaming fit.

She pats me on the arm. "It's okay," she says.

As I walk down the aisle, I'm expecting to be tackled from behind. My mind is racing. What's protocol? I have to take the beating without resisting, right?

If I bleed do I owe more money for the tuxedo rental?

5:51

A grown man who shall remain nameless, but who does not have a BlackBerry or an iPhone pulls me aside when he sees me checking scores. "I hate Florida" he says.

I nod.

"Can you keep up with the game during the service?"

I nod again.

"Here's what you do, if Arkansas scores, give me a thumbs up, if Florida scores, flick me off."

Welcome to a Southern wedding ladies and gentlemen.

5:55

We take our seats in the pews. I silence my phone and set it on auto-refresh.

6:02

The bride is lovely.

6:04

Hot damn, Arkansas kicks a field goal to tie the score at 13. The priest has just told a five-minute story that involves a three-word punchline, "Aisle, change, hymn."

"I'll change him," get it!

Are you rolling yet? Priest humor is gold.

Seriously though, how are these homilies so bad at weddings? Think about this, if you did a 20-minute wedding forty times a year, couldn't you have a killer homily? I mean a story that either made people stand up and rend their garments from the emotional power or one that made people roll into the pew floor laughing?

Maybe even both?

I mean, you have enough practice to know what works, right?

Yet why are they all so bad?

6:25

My phone vibrates with a text message. It says only one word, "Petrino."

Moments later the score updates on my phone, Arkansas has scored on a 75-yard touchdown pass on third-and-17. It's 20-13 Hogs.

The wedding ends, the gentleman passes me in the aisle. I give him a thumbs up. He raises his eyebrows and smiles appreciatively.

6:45

Time for the after-wedding photos. The groomsmen and ushers gather in three rows of pews. All of us are madly hitting refresh on the Arkansas-Florida game.

Everyone is rooting for Arkansas.

Play by play spools out from different locations as people get updates at different rates of gametracker speed depending on a variety of factors. Everyone tries to be the first to update the latest play, it's like competitive sports reporting; we're all John Clayton.

My iPhone is running updates slower than everyone else so I take a chance on Twitter.

Paydirt.

I break the news that Arkansas misses a 38-yard field goal before anyone else. I feel like Cronkite delivering the news that Kennedy had died. "He missed it," I slowly intone.

"No!" scream eight voices in unison.

Predictably, after the miss, Florida goes down and scores. As each play is announced to the group, our faces become more dejected.

Our actual conversation after he made the field goal is unprintable on an upstanding-ish site like this, but it involved Jesus, Urban Meyer and a sex act that, impressively enough, has its own Wikipedia page.

7:45

The photos are finished. The groomsmen and ushers have been used for 15 minutes of photographs. We've been here for four hours.

In terms of efficiency, I feel like I'm in the law firm again.

Only then I would have billed for 8.6 hours.

We enter the bus and begin to drink heavily. The Kentucky fans all pull out their phones as kickoff nears. But, wait, the bridal party advances onto the bus singing:

War Eagle, fly down the field
Ever to conquer, never to yield
War Eagle, fearless and true,
Fight on you orange and blue
Go! Go! Go!
On to vict'ry, strike up the band
Hit 'em high, hit 'em low,
Stand up and yell, Hey!
War Eagle, win for Auburn,
Power of Dixie Land!

"I did not f'ing sign up for this," says a UK grad sitting across from me.

"I'm going to throw up," says another. "I hope we beat them by 50."

"I hope Gene Chizik dies," says yet another.

8:03

We arrive at the reception.

Kentucky is lining up for a field goal as we prepare to enter the event. Kentucky fans are madly hitting refresh.

At this point, I get distracted focusing on the Bourbon drinks. But no one says anything for a long time. Finally, I ask my friend Tardio what happened.

"Auburn blocked the kick and returned it for a touchdown," he says.

Kentucky football in a sentence.

8:15

We begin to drink inside the reception.

Heavily.

At some point, I learn that it's 14-7 Auburn at the half. "Should be 10-7 Kentucky," says Tardio.

9:20

I can't find four of the groomsmen.

Then my phone buzzes, "At Mellow Mushroom watching game. Come over."

They've walked across the parking lot to a restaurant. I contemplate leaving, but then get distracted by more drinks and Young MC's 1989 opus Bust a Move coming on.



Kelly's girlfriend, Erin, is six years younger than us. She stands watching us as we dance. "You don't know Bust a Move?" I ask.

"No," she says. "I was 4 in 1989."

1989 was Ken Griffey's rookie year, the magical No. 1 card in the Upper Deck set. There are people who can drink and don't remember this?

Time grows fuzzy.

At the finale of the song, Kelly suggests I attempt the splits.

So I do.

After this I forget about my intent to leave and watch the game.

10:15

The groom takes the mic. "I love you honey, but time for a score update. The Cats have a first-and-goal with under five minutes to play and the score tied 14-14."

Half the crowd erupts. The other half hisses.

Moments later comes the cheering. Kentucky has taken the lead 21-14. There is less than two minutes remaining from the Cats' first victory over Auburn since 1966.

10:45

Several groomsmen return from across the street and begin running around the reception hall doling out high fives like they have just won the Super Bowl. I know, it's happened, Kentucky has won at Auburn.

"Our best road win in decades," exults one Cat fan.

The groom takes the mic and leads the crowd in a cheer. "C-A-T-S, CATS, CATS, CATS," he screams.

Then he gives his bride a kiss.

My wife takes my arm amid the bedlam, "I'm so proud of you for not leaving to watch the games," she says.

I give her a kiss. "Weddings are so much more important than football," I say.

Starting 11: When a Wedding Causes a Football Separation originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Tue, 20 Oct 2009 05:00:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

 

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]]>Clay TravisTue, 20 Oct 2009 05:00:00 EST