Uga VII, not surprisingly, the son of Uga VI, succumbed to an unexpected heart illness Thursday. The Bulldog mascot, in just his second year prowling the sideline, was only four years old. Presumably, he is survived by many other dogs given that Georgia uses lineal descendants to anoint the next mascot. The mascot-less Georgia team will play on Saturday against Kentucky without their English bulldog on the sideline. In a show of support, the entire team will lick their balls at halftime.
The conclave will soon convene to nominate the next Pope/Bulldog. Wait for white smoke to enshroud the city of Athens. An early betting line on favorites was scrapped after oddsmakers realized that every dog that might replace Uga already looks exactly like Uga and no one would realize he'd actually changed. Head coach Mark Richt, seriously distraught over the dog's death, channeled every reality show television show when someone is voted off, telling the Atlanta Journal Constitution. "You never think something like that could happen that quickly but it certainly did, " Georgia coach Mark Richt said. "It's sad we won't have him on the sideline anymore."
Back on August 30, 2008, no one could have foreseen this calamity. On that bright late-summer afternoon, Uga VII debuted as mascot, at a robust 56 1/2 pounds. He was the biggest bulldog mascot ... ever. And perhaps, in those halcyon days when everyone rubbed his belly and grinned, was sewn the seed of Uga VII's demise. Like many of the grown men and women who barked furiously in his face, he had difficulty turning away from a full plate of food.
Now comes the funeral.
Uga VII, with a Ray Goffian lifetime record of just 16-7, will be interred in the stadium mausoleum alongside his forebears. In the end, Uga VII is the William Henry Harrison of Bulldogs, catching the equivalent of pneumonia as he delivered his valedictory bark.
But all is not lost, his final game was a 31-24 victory over Auburn in the South's oldest rivalry. And his passing, while untimely, is not without benefits.
To wit, 10 good things about Uga VII's passing. 1. He will not have to be on the sideline for the Georgia Tech game.
2. Defensive coordinator Willie Martinez', "It's not me, it's the mascot," explanation for why his defense stinks will no longer fly.
3. A new dog will get to stare down the plunging necklines of the amply endowed Bulldog women when they pose for photos alongside him -- making men everywhere jealous.
4. Internet site traffic for the Atlanta-Journal Constitution will soar once sicko Georgia fans log on for retrospective photo gallery of Uga VII's reign.
5. A new dog gets to stud while looking at pictures of Herschel Walker.
6. The black collar with silver studs that Uga VII wore around his neck can go to someone who really needs it ... Quincy Carter.
7. Tony Barnhart's new book, "Uga VII: A Dog, a People, a Tradition," will climb the Georgia bestseller lists when a special memorial edition is released replete with Barnhart's own brand of hair dye.
8. He will no longer have to travel to the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party and be urinated upon by Florida fans.
9. Richt's contract ceases thanks to crafty lawyering. Quoth the contract: "In the event Uga VIII or any number hereinafter attached to an English bulldog on the sideline prowling as mascot (henceforth"Uga"), shall die, then this contract shall become void."
10. The two girls one pup viral video is going to be gold.
Clay Travis is the author of three books. His latest, "On Rocky Top: A Front Row Seat to The End of an Era" chronicles the 2008 Tennessee football season and is on sale now.
Comments (Page 1 of 2)
Looking forward to the epic battle between you and PETA.
Clay, not only do you have two first names, but your article sucks.
Your article not only lacks a hint of humor, but was written like a 15 year olds blog article. How did I find this website anyway?
This guy is an author? Are you kidding me? What a douche!
Even a non-UGA fan thinks you're being a real smart-ass on this one, juvenile.
What a jerk. He's a dog. It's not funny when and animal dies and you're making a joke out of it. He's important to the Bulldog community. Don't be a smart-ass.
It will not be the same without UGAVII on the
sidelines. I am a huge Georgia Bulldog fan and
I love to see UGA during the game. I will miss him not being there. RIP..UGAVII
Im like the other guy "How did i find this website" You are a complete ass. How can you be an author, Micheal Vick and hopefully you have the same consequences!!!!!!!!!!!
Gator Fan here.
We actually admire the Georgia Bulldog tradition and having that English Bulldog on their side.
Regardless of whether it is another schools mascot, or your own beloved pet, having an animal die unexpectedly like he did is never something which should be the topic of an attempted humorous story.
Would not be any funnier if your Tennessee hound dog died either.
BAD ARTICLE.
Sincere condolences to all Georiga Bulldog and Southern heritage football fans.
Bob in Jacksonville
Great article !!! I remember when one of his flea bitten $#@& eatin forefathers tried to bite Touchdown Maker Robert Baker of Auburn on a play on the sidelines one year. One of my fave memories is the night we turned the stadium sprinklers on the Georgia fans after a game for showin their hick asses in the stands. LMAO !!!
Seriously? You are pathetic! I am a die hard SOUTH CAROLINA GAMECOCK fan, and we get beat up in the SEC every year , but that was uncalled for. I hope you didnt get paid to write that! If so, then you should be fired.
Rest In Peace UGA. From a Hawaii Warrior fan.
Nice article idiot, no really could you be more offensive and an ass!! I hope you get fired for writing stupid crap like this! Thank you to all of the supporters of this mascot, we as Georgia Fans appreciate people like you!!
Well Clay, I'm pretty sure I've figured you out...you are just here to push buttons and get responses. I know that, because every time you write some stupid sh#t...you write something decent...then stupid again. I don't think you really even believe half of the stuff that you write...you just want to elicit emotion. It looks like you've done it again. You've quickly become one of the most hated "bloggers" on AOL. I'll be waiting for your next decent article.
It as a dog, not a person, the article was funny and get a life!
Sounds like someone is jealous because UGA VII probably made more money in his 2 year reign than he has in his whole pathetic life.
RIP UGA VII
Glory Glory
What a hoot, I'm a dog lover and a sports fan. Glad you had a set of BIG ONES to do that. Made my morning!!!
Clay your a first class jerk
Rest in peace UGA.Hope your up there with my baby
he passed this pass spring.My heart felt sampathy to the Georgia faimly and fans
a die hard Alabama fan
It is truly shameful that this ass who wrote this commentary actually got it on this web-site. I hope fanhouse takes a very hard look at this article and suspends or fires this person on the spot. Maybe he should be on the sidelines nude and paraded up and down infront of the UGA almighty fans.
I am offended most by the William Henry Harrison reference.