Pickin' on the Big Ten: Coping With Buckeye Fatigue Syndrome

Every Thursday, Pickin' on the Big Ten previews the upcoming weekend's games and issues random taunts to overconfident fan bases.

Be careful what you ask for, college football fan. The very same Iowa team that so many of you desperately wanted to see lose lest the Big Ten get another team into the title game is now the only thing standing between Ohio State and the BCS. If the Hawkeyes can't pull off a ginormous upset in Columbus behind a quarterback making his first college start, you're going to get the Scarlet and Grey facing some honked-off Pac 10 team.

You might be new to that dreadful condition known as Buckeye Fatigue Syndrome, but I've been observing it for years. It's a chronic condition caused by a malfunction of Ohio State football. Symptoms of BFS include the belief that a team which spends almost all of its time in the top 10 is underrated, an inability to let even the slightest perceived sleight go unanswered with a pile of history and statistics, and the uncontrollable urge to sit on a seven-point lead with eight minutes left in the second quarter.

There is no known cure. There's an experimental treatment which involves a team from a state whose entire population is only slightly greater than that of metropolitan Cleveland, but it is unproven and many experts doubt its efficacy. Some of the symptoms can be managed through simple procedures such as diet, exercise, turning the channel, taking up oil painting, and writing the phrase "Ohio State: the Atlanta Braves of college football" repeatedly on a piece of notebook paper.

(Note to Buckeye fans: This is just a hint of what awaits you if you go to the Rose Bowl and once again stink it up. Your team and its complete inability to win a big game outside the conference has made success in the Big Ten a meaningless accomplishment. The whole conference has suffered as a result. If you make it to the BCS and lay an egg, I promise you every edition of Pickin' on the Big Ten next season will include a recap of one of John Cooper's losses to Michigan. When I run out of them, which won't be until very late in the season, I'll start in on the bowl games. I will also run a picture of Coop next to every Ohio State game prediction. I hate doing this, because I actually like John Cooper. But it's for your own good. Win, or next season will be a reminder of how fragile your "elite" status actually is.)

Right. The games.

NORTHWESTERN @ ILLINOIS

You won't find two hotter teams in the conference than these two right now. Sure, O*** S**** (please don't make me type their name any more than I have to) is playing very well right now, but Northwestern just did what no one else has been able to (bump off Iowa) while Illinois is just on fire.

Wow, how low had Illinois sunk if I can call a two-game winning streak "on fire?" But I digress. Juice Williams is questionable for the Illini, but the offense played pretty well without him last week. NU will probably start Dan Persa at quarterback. The real question in this game, however, will be defense. The Ilini have struggled in that phase of the game all season and weren't exactly brilliant last week, while Northwestern did quite well. It must be noted, however, that NU's success came against an Iowa offense so depleted by injuries they were forced to use a backfield made up of nothing but Iowans.

Illinois will score a lot of points in this game. That's just what they do, at least now that it's November. The question will be whether Northwestern can answer. I think they'll fall just short. They can't get in the Illini's heads like they got in Iowa's. Illinois has already lost its quarterback. Illinois 35, Northwestern 28.

SOUTH DAKOTA STATE @ MINNESOTA

Before you write this off as just another FCS money game, you should be aware of two things. First, South Dakota State is actually pretty good, especially when you consider they've only been a Division I school for five years. The Jackrabbits opened their season on the road with a beatdown of perennial FCS power Georgia Southern, for instance.

Second, this is Minnesota we're talking about. They have a history of losing these kinds of games, don't you know?

Adam Weber has been playing like a new quarterback now that Eric Decker is out for the season. It's almost like he has to read progressions now or something. That could be a problem, though, because SDSU plays some pretty ferocious defense. They won't quite have enough grunt to pull off the upset, but at least through halftime this game will be too close for comfort for the Gopher faithful. Minnesota 27, SDSU 13.

Know Your Nonconference Tomato Can: South Dakota State University

Agriculture is and always will be a big deal in South Dakota, so it's no surprise that the state's agricultural school happens to be the biggest university in the state. Located five hours west of Minneapolis in the city of Brookings, SDSU now enrolls almost 13,000 students and boasts one of the biggest homecoming celebrations on any college campus anywhere.

You might think SDSU is all play and no work. Think again. SDSU's students and faculty are responsible for a great many innovations. The Briggs & Stratton engine was invented by an SDSU alumnus. The university claims to be the birthplace of cookies and cream ice cream. Virtually every major stadium in this country has a Daktronics scoreboard. That company was started by two SDSU professors.

SDSU has a strong history in football as well. Indianapolis Colts placekicker Adam Vinatieri is a former Jackrabbit football player, as are journeyman NFL offensive lineman Adam Timmerman and Pro Football Hall of Famer Jim Langer. Go ahead, call SDSU "the middle of nowhere." They can prove you wrong.

IOWA @ OHIO STATE

Ohio State's going to win this game 66-0. A Buckeye fan told me so. So, there you go. Ohio State 66, Iowa 0.

INDIANA @ PENN STATE

The Hoosiers have never beaten Penn State. This is probably not the week they'll change that. Since Indiana isn't Ohio State or Iowa, Penn State will use all of its offensive playbook instead of just the first three pages. That should make a long afternoon for IU.

Then again, PSU's two losses have shown that their offensive line is not up to their usual standards and can be pushed around quite a bit. Indiana has the best pass rush in the Big Ten right now. The Hoosiers never seem to give up either. Put this game in with the Minnesota game under the category of "closer than the home team thought it was going to be." Expect a very similar result, however. Penn State 31, Indiana 27.

MICHIGAN STATE @ PURDUE

Both these teams play with intensity, and there's a lot riding on this game. If Purdue loses they're out of the bowl hunt. If MSU loses they'll have to beat Penn State just to have a shot at a bowl game. You can reasonably expect both these teams to give it everything they've got. This should be the most entertaining Big Ten game this weekend.

The question right now is who has more in the tank. Purdue is on a hot streak, having won three of their last four games. MSU has struggled down the stretch but got a much-needed breather against Western Michigan last week. Matchups like these usually favor the better defense. MSU has playmakers in its secondary. Purdue can't win without throwing the ball well. Advantage: Sparty. Michigan State 34, Purdue 30.

MICHIGAN @ WISCONSIN

Two teams, two philosophies, two different directions. Michigan could not seem more out of sorts right now. Apart from punting, it's hard to think of one thing they're doing well. The Wolverines are still a threat to move the ball and score points, but there's a good reason you don't hear Tate Forcier's name as much as you did just a month ago.

Wisconsin, meanwhile, is riding its traditional strengths (defense and the running game) while adding the new wrinkle of vertical passing. The Badgers deserved to lose to Iowa but should have beaten Ohio State and they know it. Since that mid-October stumble Bret Bielema's team has reverted to form, running all over their opponents and putting up at least 30 points a game. There is no reason to think they won't do that to Michigan. Wisconsin 41, Michigan 21.

Next week's games:
Purdue @ Indiana: Will either team be playing for a bowl bid?
Minnesota @ Iowa: More at stake here than a bronze pig
Ohio State @ Michigan: "Help us, Obi-Rod. You're our last hope."
Penn State @ Michigan State: MSU win here messes everything up
Wisconsin @ Northwestern: No trophy on the line here