Our beaver pelt trader of the week is, be still my beating heart, my coaching crush Mike Leach. As if it weren't enough that he went on "Friday Night Lights" -- spoiler alert, I have to wait until January to watch the show because I don't have DirecTV -- after the loss to Texas A&M, Leach blamed the loss, partly, on the players' "fat little girlfriends." Given the status of bingo wings in Florida, Urban Meyer should file this excuse away. It's much better than blaming the flu for poor performances.
Not to be outdone, as reader Chris V. e-mails, "There is now a website up selling apparel at fatlittlegirlfriend.com.
Outstanding.
As many of you know, my college football picking war with my family's former French exchange student Audrey, continues. Last week, sigh, we picked the exact same teams in our six-game slate. So we both went 2-3-1. This means for the season I am now, wait for it, 20-20-2. The perfection of the number notwithstanding, it is impossible to be more average. I am, in effect, the reasonable college football fan. Meanwhile, Audrey is 16-23-3. My lead is slim as we lead into this week's slate of games.
Here are my picks below in bold:
Boise State -21.5 @ Louisiana Tech
Northwestern @ Iowa -16
Ohio State @ Penn State -4
LSU @ Alabama -9
Oklahoma -6 @ Nebraska
UConn @ Cincinnati -17
And here are Audrey's picks along with her rationales when given. Often, I have no idea what her rationales actually mean.
Boise
Northwestern for Chicago
Penn State for Paula
Alabama
Nebraska style
Cincy where is that?
On to All That and a Bag of Mail.
Matt R. writes:
Just finished reading On Rocky Top. Excellent read. Congrats. With your description of Phil Fulmer, I saw true class. That got me wondering. What is the "classiness" in the SEC as far as coaching goes?
I'm a huge fan of the other UT (Hook em Horns!), and think Mack Brown is a classy individual. While he may grandstand occasionally for the press, the man has a good heart and has a real team philosophy.
In the SEC, I see little left; the programs with class acts usually suck. The Spikes-eye-gouge incident highlights Meyer as a particularly win-centric coach. What are your thoughts?
My friends and I have actually had a bar debate about this, who do we think is genuinely the best guy among SEC coaches? In the debate we eliminate our favorite teams from contention and ask a basic question: If you had a son, who would you want him to play for because you know that even if they ended up sucking as a football player, they'd still be a better person for being around that coach?
And we thought about this for a long time. Immediately we tossed out Nick Saban, Bobby Petrino, Urban Meyer, Lane Kiffin and Houston Nutt as people we thought would be really great role models.
We didn't feel like we knew enough about Gene Chizik or Dan Mullen to make a determination.
We eliminated Les Miles because he's crazy. (Even though I'd give anything to have a relative play for Miles just for the stories.)
So that left us with Mark Richt, Bobby Johnson, Steve Spurrier and Rich Brooks to pick among.
And I think I'd have to go with Bobby Johnson among that group.
Now, I think there are certainly assistant coaches and coordinators who could make the list -- Monte Kiffin, Charley Strong -- for instance, but among head coaches, you're right, the pickings are getting slim.
Nate R. writes:
Once again, no mention of Oregon in your mailbag ... just the way we like it. If you think that USC will march into Autzen on Halloween night and beat the Ducks, you are sorely mistaken. This will be USC's worse loss points-wise in the Pete Carroll era.
I enjoy your work and have for a few years. Just a little pet peeve as a reader: please eliminate "look" and "listen" from your arsenal. We are already looking. We are not listening; we are reading. Thanks.
This is one of the best e-mail predictions I've ever gotten. Not just that USC would lose, but that it would be the worst loss of the Pete Carroll era?
Wow.
I did pick Oregon over USC in the picks, so I'm not sure I expected the Trojans to march in to Autzen and dominate.
As for the the looks and listens in the column, I write the column like I'm talking with you. Plus, let's be honest, many people who e-mail in their hate, are reading the column out loud while moving their lips. We know them as the Florida fans who go shirtless to games.
I want them to feel welcome.
Jesse H. writes:
On cell phones and toilets, I work in the cell phone industry and was a former tech for a carrier. Unfortunately, I saw many a wet phone courtesy of the toilet. The interesting thing, in my experience, was it happened to females more than males. I haven't spent a lot of company time thinking about it and how that was the case, but it has been discussed with co-workers trying to figure out how it happens way more to females. Just thought I would share that nugget of knowledge with you. Keep up the great writing!
Come for the sports, stay for the sociological reports on cell phone in toilet losses. My guess here: women have to sit, exposing their pockets to disaster. This bests my prior theory, which is that women go to the bathroom together, become overcome with sexual desire for one another, passionately make out and lose their phones while deep in the throes of passion.
A Few Halloween Costume Suggestions:
Joey F. writes:
You could go as Archie Griffin, the ONLY two-time Heisman winner. Obviously that will still be true after this season.
Wrong, Tebow is going to win the Heisman. I don't necessarily think he deserves it this year -- conversely, I did think he deserved it last year -- but I do think he's going to get it.
Anthony H. writes:
Neither of these two costumes have anything to do with the game this weekend......but you could always go as Steve Tannyhill......whose powerful mullet lead to the downfall of Coach Majors.......
And of course a fat suit and a UK Jersey and you have none other than the hefty lefty.
Next year I'm throwing a Halloween party and every guy invited -- which will be like 10 people -- has to come as a former SEC quarterback.
And you have to come dressed as a fan other than the one you root for.
In a similar vein, all women will be required to dress as topless cheerleaders.
Adam D. writes:
Clay,
I think you should go as Man-kini from The SOUP. He has a beard, he wears a bikini top (great for 89 degree weather) and he has a cult following like yourself. Who knows maybe Joel McHale invites you on the show? Have a great weekend.
I have the large man-nipples to fill up a bikini top well.
Michael M. writes:
"I haven't seen anyone write about what a tremendous advantage it is for Big Ten schools that they don't play games the final two weeks of the regular season."
I think it's a serious disadvantage. For one, you make your teams play twelve games w/o a bye. I know it's the same for everyone, but it's likely that at some point even your best team is going to have a letdown and lose, and bar a scenario (like 2007 Ohio State) where every other team loses twice, or unless you just have a really great team (2006 Ohio State, by slipping Big 10 standards is still a good team, just not when it matches with the rest of the country). It's such a grind for teams to play that long without a break.
Another point to make is that the Big Ten hurts itself by not playing with two more weeks left in the college football season. I though it was pretty smart from the Big East and the Pac-10 to stretch out their schedule and have all their teams play on the day of the ACC, Big 12, and SEC Championship games. Your results are more fresh in the mind for the BCS voters the day after. Everyone can make a case Saturday night after all the games are played and Big Ten teams aren't getting hardly any pub. It's maybe what helped us from having to endure an Ohio St.-Michigan rematch in 2006. Florida was able to make their case that night by beating Arkansas. Michigan was still hanging its hat on a loss from two weeks earlier. That's just my thoughts, anyway.
BTW, great Cocktail Party column.
I'm splitting the baby here, first, I agree with the move of the Big East and Pac-10 to stretch out their schedule and play because I think it evens the playing field and does keep them in the mix for attention. Especially when there are really good games between top teams scheduled on that day -- Cincinnati-Pittsburgh, for instance. But in general I think it's a tremendous advantage to be in the proverbial clubhouse having posted your score.
Why?
Because the pressure is not as intense.
All you need to do is beat the team in front of you. You can legitimately tell your team that all of the BCS options are in other people's hands.
Put it in this context, how many times have you seen a golfer put up the lowest score with a blistering early round and then win after other golfers struggle down the stretch. A ton, right? Wouldn't you, given all the options, love to be the only undefeated team in the country who has completed their season on November 21?
I think so.
I'd take that option in a heartbeat.
Now, I think the strongest argument against that decision is that it makes your team weaker come January because it exacerbates the layoff, but that's a risk you can take if you end up in the championship game.
Michael D. writes:
Herschel scored those 5 touchdowns in 3 games against some of the best defenses in college football, and he played the majority of one of those games with a separated shoulder. Also there was no SEC championship game or 12 game regular season in Herschel's day. And of course the obvious...Herschel scored his touchdowns in only 3 seasons.
What I want to know is - How did you get out of taking Fox trick or treating??? I have a boy the same age of Fox and I am already trying to come up with something to tell my wife...when there is 5 minutes left in the game and GA is down 3 and she is nagging me to get out the door because it is getting dark. Any suggestions?? Hopefully I will actually have to have this argument.
Sadly, for you, that argument didn't happen. You can thank Willie Martinez for that; he probably got trick-or-treating started earlier than at any point in the history of the state of Georgia.
Fox dressed as a glow-in-the-dark skeleton this year. Last year he was Darth Vader.
One of the real benefits from making a living writing and talking about sports is that anytime my wife complains about a game inconveniencing the schedule, I just throw up my arms and say, "I'm trying to work here."
In fact, I think this is the greatest of all advantages. Aside, that is, from people offering to bring me drinks and shots or, on at least four occasions, offering me their wives or girlfriends because they like the column and books. I declined and they were joking ... I think.
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
11-07-2009 @ 11:24AM
furrsher said...
Memo to announcers: 1/ I have heard the terms "true freshman" "red shirt freshman" "young freshman" etc. What difference does it make, the player is still playing his first season. 2/ Please stop saying "meetings" instead of games 3/ Please stop with "back in the day" and "shout out to..."
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