Pickin' on the Big Ten: Iowa Isn't Concerned About Your Scorn

Every Thursday, Pickin' on the Big Ten runs down the weekend's games from inside a chicken coop, at least as far as you know.

Cue the inevitable anti-Iowa backlash. A team that barely got by Arkansas State and Northern Iowa is somehow No. 1 in the nation according to the computer polls the BCS uses. Don't like it? Line forms to the left. Kirk Ferentz even agrees with you.

Shouldn't the computers' top ranked team have at least some sort of offense? Yes, of course. But whose fault is that No. 1 ranking?

Yours, you loudmouth.

You, the whiny fan ready to overreact to every perceived slight, are the reason margin of victory no longer counts in the BCS computer polls. But that's another rant for another day.

I get it, though. You're tired of the Big Ten and its maddening ability to sneak into national championship games. You're totally convinced that a one-loss Big 12 team is better than a one-loss Big Ten team. You're beyond convinced that a four-loss SEC team is better than any undefeated Big Ten team. I'm totally convinced that once you get past Florida and Alabama the SEC is the Big 12 North with a better TV contract, but I digress. You don't want Iowa, or any Big Ten champion, to get to the title game.

Have you noticed that the Hawkeyes don't seem to care? Kirk Ferentz isn't lobbying the poll voters like Bob Stoops and Urban Meyer have done in the past. For the most part the Iowa players aren't talking about being disrespected. They just want to take care of business, even if there's a good chance they'll get iced out of the championship if they go undefeated.

This may seem hard to understand to you. Rationality left college football years ago, after all. What you have to realize is that, even though a large portion of their roster comes from out of state, the Hawkeyes have the character of the state of Iowa.

When you're from Iowa, you learn early in life that your home state is going to get ripped on by everybody. You can expect to hear the same stale cracks about corn, pigs, flatness, and winter within about 15 seconds of meeting a new person who discovers you're from Iowa. Unless you're talking to one of those indier-than-thou types, of course; they'll just bring up Slipknot and crystal meth. Eventually you realize that people are actually amazed you're wearing shoes, you use words with two or three syllables, and you haven't urinated in the houseplants.

Not that they know of, anyway.

The message all these non-Iowans want to send is something like "You're from a place we feel inherently superior to; therefore, we must be better than you as well." The message you form in your head is more like "These people will never be impressed by anything I do, so why do I care what they think?" Sometimes this manifests itself in an "I'll hurt myself before you get a chance to" attitude. We in the upper Midwest have perfected self-effacing humor. More often it comes across as a decision to define yourself on your own terms.

That's what the Hawkeyes are doing. You don't have to tell them they have trouble on offense, any more than you have to tell a Midwesterner that our winters are cold. Really? Gosh, that must be why the tomato plants keep dying. I'm glad you told me because I was planning to serve BLTs for Christmas dinner!

Right. The games.

MICHIGAN @ ILLINOIS

I told you Ron Zook wasn't going to get whacked.

Now let's see if the "we have no other choice so here's a vote of confidence" he got this week is going to have any effect on the team. With a certain loss looming at Cincinnati Nov. 27, the Illini are not technically bowl-ineligible yet but might as well be. The only thing left for them to do is sack up now that there's essentially nothing to play for, hoping to make some other team as miserable as they are.

Unfortunately, this will not be the week for that. Illinois ranks 102nd nationally in total defense. Michigan just had to face the nation's best scoring defense (Penn State) last week. It's going to look like the Wolverines hit up up down down left right left right B A Start. Michigan 52, Illinois 13.

INDIANA @ IOWA

Trap game?

Maybe.

Even though I just spent six paragraphs explaining why Iowa doesn't care about style points and public opinion, the Hawks know that the rest of the world sees this as an opportunity for them to earn enough of the former to sway the latter. They probably also know that one more close game against a team perceived as bad will knock them down in the human polls. Way down.

Now factor in that Iowa's starting running back Adam Robinson, who was only starting because the preseason starter Jewel Hampton was lost for the season in August, is now lost for the season himself. Now Brandon Wegher, whose hometown of Dakota Dunes, S.D., appears to be endlessly fascinating to play-by-play announcers, gets to be The Guy. Wegher has cooled off from his impressive start to the season; let's see what he can do without another back competing for touches.

Then there's Indiana, a team perceived as bad. They're actually not that bad, but they haven't shaken their penchant for losing games in the most humiliating fashion possible. Sandwiched around a win over Illinois were a pantsing at Virginia three weeks ago and a thoroughly improbable loss to a very average Northwestern team last week. That sort of stuff gets into your head, and that's unfortunate. The Hoosiers have a solid pass rush, which you would think would be exactly what a team facing Iowa would want to have.

The problem is that "make Ricky Stanzi beat you" could prove to be even less successful for IU than it has for Iowa's last 12 opponents. Indiana gives up more passing yards than any other team in the conference and flat out stinks at preventing their opponents from getting first downs. They're scoring the same 23.6 points per game that Iowa is. They're just giving up 12 more points than the Hawks on average.

I still think Bill Lynch deserves better than this. Iowa 26, Indiana 10.

MICHIGAN STATE @ MINNESOTA

Speaking of catastrophic, soul-shattering, season-altering injuries, Minnesota has lost wide receiver Eric Decker for the season. Which means Minnesota has basically lost its offense for the season.

The real question in this game will be Michigan State's resiliency. They almost played well enough to beat a top 10 team last week. Almost. Now, can they pull it back together, realize there's still a lot to play for, and take it to their opponents from here on out?

You won't know after this week. Minnesota is starting to take on that abandoned-car look which they so often had under Glen Mason. Michigan State 30, Minnesota 7.

PENN STATE @ NORTHWESTERN

Through the first half of the season no Big Ten team seemed more disappointing than Northwestern. (I say that because I didn't expect Illinois to be any good this year.) I mean, they lost to Syracuse. You know who else has done that this year? Akron. Oh, and Maine.

I still don't think they're a great team, though the rally to beat Indiana last week was impressive. NU is tough, but the parts just don't all seem to be there.

You know who's not having a lot of problems? Penn State. Their closest game all season, except for the Iowa loss, was an 18-point victory over Illinois. The Nits have just been blowing people up. I think NU can play this one closer than anyone else has, but they just don't have enough defense to stop Penn State. PSU 31, Northwestern 20.

NEW MEXICO STATE @ OHIO STATE

Give this to the NMSU Aggies: they're one of the most consistent teams in the NCAA. When they win, they win by three points. When they lose, they lose by at least 15.

Three guesses as to what sort of outcome is more likely in this game. Ohio State 56, New Mexico State 0.

Know Your Nonconference Tomato Can: New Mexico State University

Located a mere half-hour north of El Paso, Texas in the rapidly growing city of Las Cruces, New Mexico State University actually predates New Mexico by almost a quarter century. The former New Mexico A&M was founded in 1888; New Mexico didn't become a state until 1912.

NMSU is probably the only university in America whose founding charter specifies that it was to be located by a drainage ditch, but from those humble origins the university has grown to a comprehensive university with around 17,000 students. Agriculture and engineering are still strongly emphasized, however, and NMSU is known for being in the forefront of chili pepper research. It is one of the few places in the world where the Naga Jolokia pepper is grown; said pepper is anywhere from three to ten times hotter than a habanero.

New Mexico State can also plausibly claim to be the birthplace of card counting. Former math professor Edward O. Thorp literally wrote the book on this blackjack strategy. Thorp's Beat the Dealer was published in 1962 while he was teaching at NMSU.

NMSU alumnus Charley Johnson was a journeyman NFL quarterback in the 1960s and early 1970s. While playing in St. Louis, Johnson decided to further his education and in doing so became one of the very few NFL players to earn a PhD. He earned his doctorate in chemical engineering from the prestigious Washington University in St. Louis. Did I mention he did this while he was still playing in the NFL?

Johnson returned to Las Cruces after retiring from football. He joined the engineering faculty at NMSU, and he's still there.

PURDUE @ WISCONSIN

Wisconsin has had a week off since losing back-to-back games to Ohio State and Iowa. Purdue, of course, beat Ohio State -- though whether that happened because Purdue can beat anybody on the right day or because Ohio State can lose to anybody on the right day remains to be seen.

These two teams appear headed in opposite directions, with the Boilermakers finding a way to stop losing and the Badgers wondering if last season is about to happen all over. Most of the matchups in this game favor Wisconsin, however. The Badgers are just more talented and haven't been burned as often as Purdue has.

Wisconsin's offense has cooled off since their fast start, though much of that can be attributed to playing Ohio State and Iowa. They are still a dangerous team that can strike through the air or on the ground. They'd prefer to strike on the ground, though, and that happens to be the best place to hit Purdue. I like the coaching job Danny Hope has done in preventing his team from collapsing after a horrible start. If the Boilermakers can beat Ohio State they can probably beat anybody in this conference, though the Badgers probably won't give Purdue as much help as Ohio State did. Wisconsin 28, Purdue 24.

Next week's games:

Wisconsin @ Indiana: I actually expect this to be a very good game
Northwestern @ Iowa: Fitz always gives Iowa fits
Purdue @ Michigan: Pack your dinner, neither team plays defense
Western Michigan @ Michigan State: Dangerous game for MSU
Illinois @ Minnesota: Whatever it is, take the under
Ohio State @ Penn State: Possibly the best Big Ten game this season