My dance with Comcast continues. After much prompting from my wife, I called this morning to report that our phone wasn't working. After 45 minutes on my cell phone, there is still no dial-tone on the home phone. What's more, in an effort to get the phone to work, Comcast turned off my internet. So now I'm writing this mailbag from my car. Parked on a side street, using a wireless signal in my neighborhood. Comcastic!
Our beaver pelt trader of the week is David Letterman. If only all of us who have made dumb decisions in our lives could acknowledge and sweep them away this easily. For those of you who don't know, a CBS employee attempted to extort David Letterman over his dalliances with former writers. Which led to the line that will be attached to Letterman long after he's gone. "Would it be embarrassing if it were made public? Perhaps it would," Letterman said. "Especially for the women."
On to All That and a Bag of Mail and my contest with France.
Many of you will recall that I'm currently enmeshed in a picks battle with my family's former French exchange student, Audrey. Last week, we both went 2-4, which means we remain tied at 8 correct, 9 wrong and 1 push.
This is starting to get in my head.
Here are my picks this week. Do the opposite, and you have a greater likelihood of success.
Washington @ Notre Dame -13
LSU @ Georgia -4
Honestly, this game could end up 42-3 LSU or 42-3 Georgia and neither would surprise me.
Auburn @ UT -2.5
How is it possible that this line has moved in favor of Tennessee when I don't know a single Tennessee fan who would be willing to bet on the Vols? Where is all this mysterious money pouring in from? Do Saudi Arabian oil sheiks have an in here?
Oklahoma -7 @ Miami
USC -4.5 @ Cal
Alabama -15 @ UK
And here are Audrey's picks with her rationales.
"Georgia on my mind
Notre Dame for Esmeralda and Quasimodo
UT for Norm (that's my dad)
Miami
Cal
Kentucky Derby" Enter the mailbag.
Bert N. writes:
You say in the starting 11 that it's a tragedy Auburn isn't ranked. The problem is that voters this year are overly reactionary with teams in the Midwest and out west ... did anyone really think Washington was the No. 24 team after upsetting USC? Does anyone really believe Iowa is the No. 13 team after beating Penn State?
Case in point: South Carolina upsets the No. 4 team in a hard-fought, tough game. Not ranked this week. Iowa upsets No. 5 team in a hard fought, tough game; No. 13 this week.
Is a road win really worth that much more? Lets not forget SC came one amazing play by a UGA 'backer from being undefeated right now.
How does Houston become so celebrated for beating one team that everyone kind of thought might not be ready for the big time? No. 12? It's hard to see.
I realize all the early upsets make the polls crazy and they will likely settle back to what they should be in a month, but i am so tired of the reactionary voting being done.
It makes no sense.
End Rant. Back to case briefs.
Bert,
You're completely correct. I've started drafting a column along these lines: why don't poll voters have to pass an accreditation test?
Think about this, you don't get a license to do other important jobs without proving that you're deserving of the responsibility, right? You can't be a lawyer, doctor, professor, Amsterdam sex worker, or anything like that without proving your credentials to an independent body. Yet, when you see some of these polls come out it's like they're being drafted by your Egyptian grandmother.
I want someone to ambush these guys with simple questions: Name a player on Houston other than Case Keenum. Who is the coach at TCU? True or false, if one team beats another team, they should be ranked higher? Think of it as a George W. Bush style ambushing from back in 2000 when he was quizzed on who the world leaders were.
We overlooked Bush's lack of knowledge back then because clearly being the leader of the free world is a much less important job than selecting who should play for the BCS/Antimatter championship. But I don't think we'd overlook these responses.
http://xml.channel.aol.com/xmlpublisher/fetch.v2.xml?option=expand_relative_urls&dataUrlNodes=uiConfig,feedConfig,localizationConfig,entry&id=515420&pid=515419&uts=1254513513
http://www.aolcdn.com/ke/media_gallery/v1/ke_media_gallery_wrapper.swf
Latest College Football Photos
West Virginia's Alric Arnett, left, and Noel Devine celebrate Devine's touchdown against Colorado during the first quarter of an NCAA college football game Thursday, Oct. 1, 2009, in Morgantown, W.Va. (AP Photo/Jeff Gentner)
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Latest College Football Images
UAB running back Justin Brooks (30) runs for a first down past Southern Mississippi defender Anthony Gray (95) during an NCAA college football game on Thursday, Oct. 1, 2009, in Birmingham, Ala. (AP Photo/ Butch Dill)
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Southern Mississippi receiver Quentin Pierce (85) runs for a touchdown past UAB defender Chase Daniel (31) during an NCAA college football game Thursday, Oct. 1, 2009, in Birmingham, Ala. (AP Photo/Butch Dill)
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Southern Mississippi receiver Quentin Pierce (85) holds on to the ball after catching a pass over UAB defender Elliott McGaskin (36) during an NCAA college football game Thursday, Oct. 1, 2009, in Birmingham, Ala. (AP Photo/Butch Dill)
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UAB's Hiram Atwater (32) dives over the goal line for a touchdown past Southern Mississippi lineman Micah Brown (69) after intercepting a pass during an NCAA college football game Thursday, Oct. 1, 2009, in Birmingham, Ala. (AP Photo/ Butch Dill)
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UAB linebacker Daniel White (34) hits Southern Mississippi quarterback Austin Davis (12) and sacks him for a loss during an NCAA college football game Thursday, Oct. 1, 2009, in Birmingham, Ala. (AP Photo/Butch Dill)
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West Virginia coach Bill Stewart stands along the sideline during the fourth quarter of an NCAA college football game against Colorado on Thursday, Oct. 1, 2009 in Morgantown, W.Va. West Virginia won 35-24. (AP Photo/Jeff Gentner)
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West Virginia's Ryan Clarke crosses into the end zone past Colorado's Benjamin Burney during the fourth quarter of an NCAA college football game Thursday, Oct. 1, 2009, in Morgantown, W.Va. West Virginia won 35-24. (AP Photo/Jeff Gentner)
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West Virginia's Ovid Goulbourne sacks Colorado's Cody Hawkins during the fourth quarter of an NCAA college football game Thursday, Oct. 1, 2009, in Morgantown, W.Va. West Virginia won 35-24. (AP Photo/Jeff Gentner)
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West Virginia's Noel Devine attempts to stay inbounds as coach Bill Stewart, left, looks on, during the fourth quarter of an NCAA football game against Colorado on Thursday, Oct. 1, 2009, in Morgantown, W.Va. West Virginia won 35-24. (AP Photo/Jeff Gentner)
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West Virginia's Noel Devine looks to run past Colorado's Jalil Brown during the fourth quarter of an NCAA college football game Thursday, Oct. 1, 2009, in Morgantown, W.Va. West Virginia won 35-24. (AP Photo/Jeff Gentner)
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Dear Clay,
You're an idiot ... The answer to your blog re: Tim Tebow is NO!!!!!!.. He should not have been in the game. How can you write such drivel. Why do people pay you??
I didn't major in economics, but my general understanding of the capitalistic system is that we exchange labor for money or other valuable services. I believe this is why FanHouse pays me.
I've also got a new theory: The more exclamations or question marks you use the at the end of a sentence, the less intelligent you are. The only exception is if you're a teenage girl and your dad just texted that he got you Miley Cyrus tickets. Which one are you, Bill M.?
Also, why go six exclamations and then follow it up with the two periods? Does hitting the exclamation that many times erase the exclamation and then you just peter out to the periods? I'm baffled by this.
One of my favorite things is when people adopt definite opinions on questions that don't lend themselves to definite answers ... then become irate when people have the different opinion than them. More interesting issue than Bill's question, don't you have to hold Tebow out of the LSU game if he has any lingering issues whatsoever? How far is Florida actually going to fall if they lose to LSU without Tebow? Maybe to number four? And do they even need Tebow to beat LSU?
Given three weeks from the hit, Tebow should be ready to roll for the rest of the season. Not to mention that you have him pretty much fresh for the stretch run of the season.
Drew H. writes:
Clay,
You haven't touched on BGID in a while. Understood.
But, how would you feel if your mayor was completely, undeniably BGID?
I present Kirkman Finlay, certifiably BGID mayoral candidate in Columbia, S.C.
Enjoying the new book. Keep up the good work. Any plans for Halloween in Knoxville? I'm thinking Mark Sanford.
/Requisite "Go Cocks."
I would be ecstatic if my mayor was BGID -- "beard getting it done" for those who have had their heads buried in the internet sand for the past four years. Even more so if his name was Kirkman Finlay. Because with that name you know there's a good chance he also starred in porn at some point.
I guarantee you his friends call him "Fin" and in college he occasionally got drunk, put his hand on top of his head, and pretends to be a shark at the bar while humming the Jaws soundtrack.
Mark Sanford is a good costume. But I was thinking of going as Steve McNair with Sahel Kazemi sitting on my lap. No one will think of this.
Troy K. writes:
In response to Coy B.'s email in your September 2 mailbag, you state: "No matter what state you're from, you can't root for two rivals equally. What (do you) do when they play each other? (You have) to have a preference, right?" While I recognize that this is a commonly held view, I write to disagree with your premise.
I agree that you cannot cheer for a school you did not attend against a school you graduated from. Thus you can't cheer for Ohio State to pound Ohio if you graduated a Bobcat. There may be exceptions if you attended but did not graduate. However, I attended two rival SEC schools from the same state, obtaining degrees (B.A & J.D.) from each. Many people tell me I have to go with the undergrad institution, but I grew up a fan of the university I attended for law school. Thus, I really do root for two rivals equally.
The yearly game is approached in a cost-benefit fashion. If team A needs a win for a bowl game but team B is 3-6, I root for team A. If team A can win the conference while team B needs it for a bowl trip - I'll go with team A. If team A can win the conference but team B would be in the national title hunt, team B has my support. The game is always late in the year so I have the benefit of a clear picture. This system is logical, but it is not always purely mechanical. For instance I cheered for a 4-6 Vandy team to break UT's winning streak against Vandy in 2005, even though a win would have kept UT in the hunt for a bowl (who wanted to see UT in a bowl that year anyway?).
I think this is a sound system for mutual/dual-rival-fandom, what do you think?
This email is why lawyers are awesome.
In theory, this is sound, but I think it misses the most sacrosanct of all fandom rules; namely, we all have one team. Now there may be several teams you can root for, but having dual allegiance isn't permitted. There has to be one team, and one team alone, that will keep you up at night for days if they lose a close game.
I don't particularly care how you end up with the team you choose, although I'd submit that it should be the same team you grew up a fan of, but the one thing you can't do is split the aliegiance and bring cost/benefit analysis into the mix.
That violates the most sacred premise of fandom.
...
I'm off to Knoxville for Tennessee-Auburn. Since I don't have an internet signal, I'm literally filing this column by email and then driving off without going back into my house. Thanks Comcast.
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
10-07-2009 @ 12:06PM
Scott said...
I read every blog you do and might I say they are hysterical. Your most recent blogs including The great cable provider known as Comcast have really hit home. I recently, at the begining of this college football season, switched back to Comcast after a 8 year boycott I had enforced due to past transgressions. I am happy to report they are the same great company they have always been. Within a few weeks of returning to them I called to purchase the Espn game plan package, Still having a full month before the season began to ensure I would get the "early bird discount". They informed me that they could not set that up until closer to the season as it was not yet available. Ok, fair enough. I proceeded to call twice a week every week leading up to the season until finally a mere 48 hours before the first game of the year they tell it is available. Great I tell them I will take, mouth already wateting at the prospect of a new year of football and a clean slate for my Wolverines. Unfortunately, the customer service agent told me, our "early bird special" is no longer available and instead of 99 dollars it will be 135 dollars. COMCASTIC! so noticably perterbed I ask her what this mythical window is to recieve the special rate. then she tells me what sums up every experience I have ever had with the company. It looks like it started yesterday and ended today. Ha! a whopping 24hr window in which to get the "early bird rate". so, defeated I accept to pay the increased amount and take solace that at least I will be watching all the fotball my heart could desire in only a few days. But wait, every weekend since I have been on the phone for at least 30 minutes asking them why the channels in the package I bought are not working. Finally this weekend I cancled the package and asked for a full refund. their response. they would prorate it for me and credit the balance to my account. so I bassically I paid for a month of Gameplan that I did not even get to watch. PERFECT!
Any ways, I just wanted to let you know your not alone in your disdane and I thoroughly enjory your blogs and all your books. Keep up the good work and GO BLUE!
Scott Burgett
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