Auburn Falls for Gus Malzahn

Several months ago, I said one of the big questions of the 2009 SEC season was which of the new high-priced coordinators would make the biggest splash in the conference: John Chavis at LSU, Monte Kiffin at Tennessee or Gus Malzahn at Auburn.

Four weeks into the season, I think we can call this contest: It's Malzahn by a landslide.

While Kiffin has kept Tennessee in the top 10 on defense -- truthfully he didn't really have anywhere to take them -- Chavis has been serviceable at best for LSU. Arriving at Auburn, a team that averaged just 17.3 points per game in 2008, Malzahn revolutionized an offense that is now ranked No. 3 in the nation. So far this season, Auburn is averaging seven yards per play and 525 yards per game (nearly 200 more per game than last year, albeit not yet with the gauntlet of SEC defenses), and has scored 23 touchdowns.

As if that weren't enough the team is now averaging 45.25 points a game. By the fifth game this season, at Tennessee, Malzahn and Auburn stand a decent chance of putting up more points in 2009 than they did in the entire 2008 season.

With statistics like these, I think there's only one solution: Name Gus Malzhan the coach in waiting.

At least that was the suggestion of a recent reader, make him the coach-in-waiting behind first-year coach Gene Chizik. Given that Chizik is both a first-year coach and only 47, I think he was joking. But with Malzahn's success and Auburn's love affair with the coach, you can't ever be sure. Yep, Malzahn, a 43 year old who didn't even begin coaching in college until 2006, has taken the SEC by storm. Already, Auburn coeds swoon when he passes on the Tiger Walk, grown men's hearts go pitter-pat, and Chizik sits around doodling until he turns his career record as a head coach, 5-19, into 17-19, a perfect 12-0 start to the season.

And why not, he's a third of the way there already and the way Auburn is scoring points, it looks like they can't lose.

In fact, looking at Auburn's schedule, this game on the road at Tennessee looms large.

Win and there's a much better-than-average chance that Auburn is 7-0 headed to LSU. Even if the Tigers lose that game, they return home for three of their final four games. Basically, beat Tennessee this weekend and Auburn locks up a Jan. 1 bowl game or better. They'll win at least nine games.

Meanwhile, for Tennessee, this game is even more important. With Auburn, followed by Georgia, at Alabama, and returning home against South Carolina, there's some possibility the Vols could lose all four, fall to 2-6 and bury Lane Kiffin in his first season. Beat Auburn and things can turn in a hurry for the Vols. Suddenly 5-3 looks very possible through the first eight games. The final four games of the season offer three traditional victories. Win those three and Tennessee would be 8-4.

This is a swing game of epic proportions.

Now the question becomes, how will Gus Malzahn's offense match up against Monte Kiffin's defense? Auburn fans already think they know the answer: Malzahn will win. That's how convinced they are by his rapid turnaround of their offensive failures. The same fans who used to sit on the sideline and chew on the ends of their orange and blue pompom fronds while Tommy Tuberville's defense tried to choke out an opponent via yet another 17-14 victory, are now convinced their offensive coordinator could hang 45 on Pittsburgh's Steel Curtain.

But with all this early success comes trepidation, already there's fear that Malzahn will bolt for a better opportunity, pull a Will Muschamp and leave the Tigers holding onto their hearts while the love of their assistant coaching lives rides off into the sunset, leaving behind the loveliest village on the Plains. After all, the course of true love never runs straight, and Auburn fans are willing to do anything to keep Malzahn.

In fact, here are 10 signs that Auburn fans don't won't to lose Gus Malzahn:

1. Student petition to rename Aubie the Tiger, Gus the Tiger is rapidly nearing.

After all, even Auburn fans think Aubie is an awful name.

2. Malzahn's wife is named Kristi and his two daughters are named Kylie and Kenzie. How do we know this? They've all been elevated to the Auburn Board of Trustees.

3. While they can't offer him the head-coaching position in football (yet), given his fast-break football offense, they have offered him the reins to the Auburn basketball program.

Jeff Lebo won't find out until after the first of the year. Consider this our secret.

4. Auburn athletic director Jay Jacobs is currently drafting a lifetime tenure contract that will pay Malzahn $4 billion no matter what he does for a living at Auburn.

5. Fans no longer cover their faces when Chris Todd drops back to pass.

Remember early in the season when I wrote that no one had a clue who the third or fourth best quarterback in the league would be? Now it looks like we didn't know the second best either. Because right now, Todd has been the second-best quarterback in the SEC this season. And if you ever doubted Malzahn's value, the elevation of Chris Todd should erase all doubts.

Last season, Todd passed for 903 yards, five touchdowns, six interceptions, and was sacked 12 times.

This season? Todd has already thrown for 1,012 yards, 11 touchdowns, just one interception, and has only been sacked once.

Now, Todd also had surgery on his shoulder and returned with a stronger arm, but most of the credit for his performance has to go to Malzahn.

6. Bumper stickers are already being printed: "Honk if you scored a touchdown on Alabama."



7. Students are suggesting that Malzahn replace War Eagle VII and fly into the stadium on a hang-glider.

8. Toomer's Corner has been deeded to Gus Malzahn provided he agrees to build a mansion there and does not complain when toilet paper rolls break his window 7 times a year.

9. Gus Malzahn's face replaced Bo Jackson's on the outside of Jordan-Hare Stadium and no one noticed that Jackson disappeared.

The male Auburn fans just sighed, lifted their whiskey and cokes in salute and said, "By God, I'd kiss Gus if that didn't get us 10 years to life in Mobile."

10. They've retired the Needham Hex when Auburn has the football because they no longer need "the voodoo magic man."


11. Every morning Chizik begins his day by checking to make sure Malzahn hasn't moved into his office.

Of course, if he was there, Chizik wouldn't ask him to leave. And if he did ask him to leave, Auburn fans would riot.

Because right now, Auburn is the east, and Chizik is the sun.