Mailbag: A Fall Wedding Fall

Our beaver pelt trader of the week is whoever is responsible for the above video. Simply outstanding. The bride being knocked in the swimming pool by the best man is how every fall wedding should end.

In my continuing picks war with my family's former French exchange student Audrey, she bested me in week two and we are now tied overall in picking games. Last week, I went a robust 2-3-1 and she went 3-2-1 (we both pushed on Cal-Minnesota).

Total after two weeks:

Clay 6-5-1
Audrey 6-5-1

Yep, we're tied. Sigh.

Notwithstanding the fact that I'm now tied with a French girl who has never watched a game of college football in her life, the games we're picking this week are below. My picks are in bold, followed by Audrey's.

Miami -3 at Virginia Tech

Arkansas at Alabama -17.5

Cal -7 at Oregon

Florida -22 at Kentucky

Iowa at Penn State -10

Texas Tech at Houston (even)

While the spread is even, the over/under on Texas Tech/Houston is 73.5. This game is going to take five hours to play. I can't wait. And by the way, I have zero confidence in any of these picks.

Here are Audrey's picks along with her rationales.

Miami Vice

Alabama Sweet Home

Cal

Kentucky Derby

Penn State for Paula

Houston

On to the Mailbag:

Brandi K. writes:

Clay,
I need a clarification on fan-in-law status. I was just smack talked on Facebook by a guy who claims "a rooting interest" because -- get this -- his uncle and two cousins went to Florida. I don't think random extended family college attendance allows for fan-in-law status.

Your inclination is correct, that's impermissible.

I've said this before, but it bears repeating, you can only have a rooting interest via family connection if the connection comes through your immediate family -- that's someone who shares either half or all of your genetic code -- and doesn't already root for someone else. So sisters and brothers suffice, as do your own children and your parents and your spouse--although your spouse is only sharing DNA code if you live in Arkansas, where that sort of thing is required.

An uncle and two cousins? That's shameful bandwagoning of the worst order. The only thing more shameful than the actual public posting on Facebook is the justification.

You're in the right, ignore them.

Charles M. writes:

I definitely think Trooper towels are lame, but this is coming from a guy who has been bringing the same shaker, or pompom if you will, to games for years.

I'm confused. How about you tell me how to feel?

Trooper Towels are lame. If it makes you feel any better, Trooper Towels are, however, not as lame as bringing your own pompom to the game, which you already do. I've been against this for years. In print and otherwise.

So if you're willing to carry a frilly orange and blue pompom with you to the game, you might as well carry a towel, wear capris, open-mouth kiss every man who offers you a beer, and carry your lunch in a Strawberry Shortcake lunchbox replete with Capri Suns to be drank through straws shaped like men flexing. In short, it's a little womanly. Not that there's anything wrong with any of this, but you might as well remain consistent.

Andy M. writes:

Clay,

My friend called me today and read this article verbatim. I could barely believe what I heard, so I had to read it myself. As a Georgia fan, it's obvious the defense has struggled under Willie Martinez. But until I saw the statistics, I never realized how serious it was. The rest of the SEC should only hope Richt continues his tradition of not firing people. The numbers don't lie, and these are astonishing.

Everyone should read this Atlanta-Journal Constitution posting by Mark Bradley, Georgia fans or not. My two favorite points:

"1. Georgia is 97th among 120 Bowl Subdivision teams in total defense, 108th in scoring defense. The Bulldogs rank last among 12 SEC schools in both categories. Simple question: Do you believe Georgia -- with Rennie Curran, Geno Atkins, Jeff Owens, Justin Houston, Kade Weston, Demarcus Dobbs, Darryl Gamble, Bryan Evans, Reshad Jones, Brandon Boykin and Branden Smith -- has the worst defensive talent in the SEC?

3. Over the past nine games, Georgia opponents have averaged - averaged - 33 points. In 42 games under Brian VanGorder, whom Martinez succeeded as defensive coordinator, one opponent scored more than 30 points, and that was the 2003 BCS champion."

Do you remember when it was impossible to score on Georgia's defense under VanGorder. I do? I remember that and the stupid way he always did the thumbs up sign that made me want to punch him in the face. That 42-game stat above doesn't lie. As a Vol fan, I hope Richt sticks with Martinez forever. As a college football fan, though, how in the world can Georgia fans deal with this?

I'll tell you, alcohol, lots of alcohol.

Craig B. writes:

Clay,

I am sure you have seen this, but this is one of the better Tebow shirts I've seen. Plus the chick is super hot.

I have seen it from approximately 50 different people this week. For those of you who didn't click on the link or receive the e-mail attachment, it's a comely lass in a very understated "Tebone Me" t-shirt. I'm sure there's a subtle sexual remark being made by the lovely lady, but I'll be damned if I can uncover it.

Honest question, what percentage of women in relationships, married or otherwise, would sleep with Tim Tebow if given the opportunity?

I'm going 80 percent, but that might be low.

More awkward question, what percentage of UF frat boys from Miami think about Tebow to help consummate their night out on the town in Gainesville? I think higher.

Final question, what percentage of married men got physically ill when they looked at the picture of the girl in the Tebone shirt and realized there's a college kid who won't sleep with that woman?

100 percent.



Ward writes:

When they talk about when An Irresistible Force Meets An Immovable Object, they are usually talking about something positive meeting something positive. However, I believe this would sum up when UGA and the Willie Martinez defense plays against UT and Jonathan Crompton. Surely one of them will end up looking good at least for that week.

Who do you give the edge to? I think both are about as smart as a retarded Shetland pony, so I honestly don't know who to pick that weekend. Your thoughts would be appreciated.

Are Shetland ponies universally derided for their idiocy? Have I missed that somewhere in the animal trash-talking flow chart? Or are Shetland ponies being used because it's impossible to read that sentence and not laugh?

Anyway, I'm with you, Georgia against Tennessee is going to be a fascinating examination of the physics of bad and good football.

Consider, Georgia's offense has scored 41 and 56 in the past two weeks. Meanwhile, Tennessee has scored 15 and 13 in the past two weeks. On the flip side, Georgia has given up 37 and 41 to weak teams while Tennessee has given up 19 and 23 to relatively strong teams.

I honestly have no idea what to expect in this game. I can't wait. My inclination is that Tennessee's defense will stall Georgia's offense, but that Georgia's defense, no matter how weak they are, will, like everyone else, throttle Tennessee's offense. So I see a 17-14 game right now. With an equal likelihood of either team winning.

Nathan C. writes:

Nice job on your post Florida-Tennessee article. Unfortunately, the offseason war of words has made it next to impossible for sports writers to put this game in proper perspective. I think you did a nice job of this.

As a Gator fan I think that anyone of our own who expected a total blowout was either drunk with power from last season, or they haven't been paying attention to football for very long. You would know better than I would, but from where I sit, last year is not a good measuring stick for Tennessee football. At no point have they ever shown ineptitude on defense. Florida managed 30 points against Tennessee last year. If Brandon James had returned a kick Saturday like he did last year, Florida scores 30 points. In the world of accounting we call that SALY (same as last year).

Only the circumstances are much different. The game did feel different, but it should have. You sir are correct: Florida has problems at the wide receiver position. People who know Florida football have been talking about this all summer. The problem is Louis Murphy. While Percy Harvin was by far our most valuable resource at WR, the value really came in the form of the running attack. Most of his receiving yards came in the form of short passes that were almost like handoffs. Murphy was the guy that stretched the field, and as you pointed out we don't have anyone that can do that. I think Florida can establish a nice running game (albeit not like last years) with Demps, Rainey, and Moody. But the end result cannot be as devastating when there isn't a Louis Murphy stretching the field and taking on physical corners like the kind Alabama has.

Great point on Murphy, i always thought he was overrated when it came to the amount of praise heaped on him, but he did provide a deep threat since he averaged 17 yards a catch. Although, to be fair, he only had 38 catches for 655 yards on the season. Granted, seven of those were touchdowns, but you or I could have caught seven touchdowns from Tebow in 2008.

Shetland pony.
...
As always email me questions at clay.travis@gmail.com