Mailbag: Clay Travis vs. France

The best thing about sports betting lines is how quickly picking against the spread humbles everyone. You know that guy who claims he's a sports genius? Have him pick against the line for a month. He'll shut up in a hurry. Lots of sports sites feature "experts" making picks. That's awesome, especially when they're just picking winners. That's easy and pointless, especially in college football. Real men (and women) pick against the spread. With that in mind, we're inaugurating a new feature at All That and a Bag of Mail for the 2009 season, I'm picking six games every week against a French woman, Audrey, who was my family's foreign exchange student a decade ago.

Audrey knows nothing about college football. She's never even watched a game in her entire life. Theoretically, I know much more than she does about the games. But who is better at picking against the spread? Who knows? We'll be keeping a running tally all season long. So enjoy our picks and then dive into All That and a Bag of Mail.

(Note: I like France. The men are short, don't bathe, and wear tight, short jeans -- and sometimes apparently put baguettes on their head. French women like none of these traits. So when you land on the continent, immediately, just because you are tall, bathe regularly, and don't wear tight, short jeans, all of the women want to sleep with you. That's outstanding.)

Here are my six picks for the week.

Tennessee -9 vs. UCLA

Florida -37 vs. Troy

Notre Dame -3 vs. Michigan

Georgia -7.5 vs. South Carolina

LSU -14.5 vs. Vanderbilt

Southern California -7 vs. Ohio State

And here are Audrey's picks along with her rationale.

"Tennessee - First American state visited

Troy - Just because

Michigan - Michigan sucks, except in Football?

Georgia - Second state visited

Vanderbilt!! - For you Clay!

Ohio State - Oh well, never know"

Four of our picks are the same, ominous.

Our beaver pelt trader of the week is Tila Tequila. Her Twitter fight with Shawne Merriman has been epic. Without further ado, on to All That and a Bag of Mail.



Josh K. writes:

Clay,

Big fan of your work, but a bigger fan of Ohio State. If you cut out the Big Ten completely, then I am done. I am not asking for praise for OSU or the rest of the Big Ten, just some acknowledgment. Consider the Big Ten to be like the fat chick you hooked up with in college (everyone has at least one hoggin' in their past). She/we don't ask that you compliment us or brag about your night with us, but a simple nod of the head when we pass will remind us that, for at least one night (after seven Irish car bombs in two hours), we were pretty enough. Also, Navy runs the triple-option, c'mon that is not even fair.

Your argument is compelling. The Big Ten gets a reprieve. Really, I wasn't making that big of a pronouncement anyway, just saying that they wouldn't be featured in the Tuesday ClayNation Starting 11 column. Which still leaves around four articles a week that they can be featured in. But my wife read that and she was upset because she's a Michigan grad.

So I'm glad to grant your wish. I'm the college football genie.

And I'll be doing Irish car bombs on film his weekend so that should be interesting to see.

Pete A. writes:

C'lay, what is your opinion on cheering for and wearing gear for your significant other's alma mater. I am a life long UT fan who is married to a Tennessee girl who graduated from Florida State. Is there a Fan-in-Law clause that allows me to root for FSU when it will not effect the Volunteers?

Yes, especially as long as Bobby Bowden is the coach there. Because then no one is really being impacted at all. Did anyone else notice in Monday's game when Bowden tried to call a play on fourth down, running his hands in the air kind of haphazardly -- he looked like a little kid playing in the wind outside the window of a moving car -- and Jimbo Fisher didn't even look at him.

Is this really how he wants his career to end, while he absently stairs at the field and limps around? It's shameful, really.

Now, on to your fandom question: There is a built-in rule that allows you to root for your wife's alma mater. The conditions are as follows

A. They have to be in different conferences (being in different states also helps)

B. Your team and his or her team have to never play a regularly scheduled game (for instance if you were a Florida or Miami fan, then rooting for FSU otherwise wouldn't be allowed)

If it meets both of these criteria, which UT and FSU would, then you're good.

Matt S. writes:

Saw a picture on the MSNBC Web site and immediately thought, that guy is seriously BGID.

Followed the link and found out it was actually Khalid Sheik Mohammed, the mastermind of the 9/11 attacks. I had to admit the guy looked a lot more imposing than the last time we saw him sporting stubble, a wife beater, and 60 extra pounds.

I was curious: In your opinion, is KSM BGID? Would Osama Bin Laden be BGID?

P.S. Any thoughts on the Taliban's law that made it illegal to cut or shave a man's beard?

There's a terrorist exception to the canon of Beard Getting It Done (BGID) law. It goes something like this, "If you're willing to kill someone for disagreeing with you about anything other than Varsity Blues being a work of cinematic genius, then your beard loses its magical power.

So that zaps the Osama and Khalid.

Having said that, wow, what a beard. And while I support the growth of the beard, it has to occur via free will. Anything less and you're not really making a statement, in fact, by following the herd, you're making the exact opposite statement.

Tim F. writes:

I can't believe I haven't seen anything from you on how Crompton's beard threw five TDs on Saturday.

I'm a Cromptonite. I've been ridiculed for this all season. His beard is going to throw three more touchdowns this weekend. And if that happens, I'm going to interview Crompton's beard next week.

John P.

Dude, you told me Chavis was going to be a stud for LSU on defense. What happened against Washington?

It was a classic case of Third-and-Chavis. The defense owned the first two downs and then Jake Locker destroyed them on third down.

That happened all night long.

Couple of things that came to me as I was watching the game:

1. Les Miles coaches much more aggressively than Phil Fulmer did. Witness the timeouts at the end of the half. LSU tried to take them to get the ball back, and it ended up giving Washington a chance to tack on three more points before halftime.

Those plays never happen against Fulmer.

2. LSU's secondary is still pretty weak against the pass. It looked like Chavis played an awful lot of zone. That isn't a preference for him. It makes me think he's worried about their ability to cover. That's a bad sign in the SEC.

It's why I think, and remember where you read it, that Vandy is going to give them a real game this weekend.
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For those of you in Knoxville this weekend, come by and say hi, I'll be signing books in the Vol Village on Saturday. And Friday we'll be filming our sorority roundtable, where UT sorority girls break down the UCLA game. The video will be up on FanHouse at some point this weekend. It should be outstanding, can't wait.