FanHouse's Rename the BCS Contest

Last week, we learned that the BCS doesn't exist as a legal entity. Most of us found that shocking. At least those of us who can define the word "entity." (Sorry, Ohio State fans. As much as we all might wish the word involves the female breast, sigh, it doesn't. If it did the drafting of legal documents would be an awfully lot more interesting.)

What we're left with is a void, an eternal gaping chasm in our existence. We know the BCS exists, otherwise how can we hate it so? But, for legal purposes it doesn't. That's why we're renaming the BCS. Now.

The rules are simple. You have to make me aware of your suggestion. Via e-mail, via FaceBook, via Twitter @NCAAFanHouse, via posting at the bottom of the page, via African swallow ... basically you have to get your idea to me. And then with a team of brilliant marketing experts (such as the people who came up with Stanford's We Work slogan), we'll select a group of six finalists to combine with my four suggestions below. Those six finalists will be given a paragraph to make their argument in the column. And then y'all vote for your favorite. There will be prizes, world renown, and the satisfaction of a job well done.

Because let's be honest, if you had to make college football a metaphorical meal (and why wouldn't you?), the season would be a nice juicy steak. Tender, rare, after each bite (or week), you tip back in your seat and reflect upon what a magnificent feeling it is. This continues for the length of the meal, your stomach is full, you've never been more sated. And then, just as you're leaving the restaurant after the final bite, you realize there's a piece of food wedged up against your gum that you can't get rid of. That piece of meat is the BCS.

Eventually, you become obsessed with that piece of meat. You can't think about anything else. You use your tongue, you use your fingers, you use a toothpick, you stand in front of the mirror with your mouth held open staring at the reflection of your teeth.

Eventually, it happens.

You start to wish you'd never eaten the steak to begin with.

Except the BCS is even worse. Because some part of you can't even enjoy the steak, because you know there's a strong likelihood that a piece of meat is going to end up stuck in your teeth.

Now that you've got that feeling in mind, we need your help. You need to do better than me. And I'm only giving you four suggestions that will advance as part of the final ten. Y'all pick the other six. To the victor goes the spoils.

1. The Null Set: Ø

In ninth grade geometry, we once had a teacher give a geometry test where null set was the answer for five consecutive questions. You talk about a war of wills, a diabolical form of instruction if there ever was one. Making someone believe that a teacher would design five consecutive questions with the null set as an answer was like being the only boy in a pink shirt one day. Not that I would know anything about that.

Not one single person in the class was willing to pick null set all five times. Later, she cackled at us when she revealed her duplicity. (The next year she left teaching. I like to think she now works in a yearbook factory gluing the back page to the cardboard all day long.)

I'm no mathematical expert, but the final BCS equation that determines who plays for the championship always makes me think of the null set

2. B+S

I like the simplicity of this redesign. It's sleek, modern, and it removes the C that stands for Championship. It also sums up the BCS in a more cogent fashion by commingling it with cow dung.

3. Lorenzo White

True fans of Tecmo Super Bowl will know that Houston Oiler Lorenzo White was the worst starting running back in the game. He was awful. In fact, continuing the analogy, if college football, the greatest sport on earth is the sports' equivalent of Tecmo Super Bowl, the greatest video game ever, then one might even deduce that Lorenzo White, the worst starting running back of the game, was the BCS of Tecmo Super Bowl.

See, it works.

4. CUBA!

The only thing in the western hemisphere less American than the BCS is Cuba. But to Cuba's credit Raul Castro has been faster to modernize during his tenure than the BCS has been.

In terms of the new name, you merely add one letter and an exclamation point. So you don't lose much in terms of shortness. But you gain so much in spelling out how un-American our selection of a college football "champ" actually is.

These are my four, all we're waiting for is your six. Then we'll vote. Even if one of these four wins, whoever comes in highest of the top six wins. And if you beat me outright? Well, the prize will be even more sterling.