Doesn't the FCS Know Playoffs Are Impossible? First-Round Results

Although we all know that playoffs in college football are a complete impossibility, and no one, I tell you, NO ONE is looking out for the interests of the children student-athletes, the Football Championship Subdivision insists on holding them anyway. So does Division II. And Division III. And the NAIA. Somebody alert Amnesty International, because to hear university presidents talk, that must be a violation of human rights or something.

Anyway, here's what happened in the heartless, cruel FCS playoffs today, but why do you care? All these athletes are missing so much class for the playoffs they'll all flunk out of school by the end of next week.

#1 overall seed James Madison needed a late fourth quarter touchdown run from quarterback Rodney Landers to edge Wofford, 38-35.

Noted giant-killers Appalachian State held the #2 seed and easily beat South Carolina State, 37-21.

Frequent playoff participant Northern Iowa, the #3 seed, made Maine's second trip to the state of Iowa this season almost as bad as the first one, knocking off the Black Bears 40-15.

Montana is in the field for the 16th straight season and took care of Southwest Texas State, 31-13.

Richmond rolled over Eastern Kentucky 38-10; Villanova spat out Colgate 55-28. Two road teams won today as well, with New Hampshire beating Southern Illinois 29-20 in Carbondale, and Weber State, where the first 'e' is long, got past Cal Poly, 49-35. Wisconsin fans will note Cal Poly didn't miss any extra points this week.

Here are your pairings for next week, assuming the Department of Education doesn't step in and shut this whole thing down:

• Villanova @ James Madison
• Richmond @ Appalachian State
• New Hampshire @ Northern Iowa
• Weber State @ Montana