SEC Preview: The Dregs

As hierarchical as I-A college football is (indeed, much more so than any other American sport), nowhere is the caste system writ larger than in the SEC, where the good stay good, the bad stay bad, and Phil Fulmer stays comically overweight. Were EPL-style relegation ever to be implemented, you may rest assured that no more than two SEC programs would ever be in danger, and we're lucky enough to meet them both again today (plus a few new friends!).

After the jump, the four teams without a prayer of going .500 in the SEC in 2008...

ARKANSAS RAZORBACKS

Here's the worst thing you can say about a college football team's prospects for an upcoming season: their biggest stories are about people who aren't even there anymore. Those who are left are but sideshows to the larger circus that is Arkanas's impending disaster of a 2008 season. For example: Is Houston Nutt going to be missed? Maybe, though he shouldn't be. Even Herr Wanderlusten Bobby Petrino is an upgrade at the top spot, and Nutt seems perfectly content to crawl into his own SEC grave with the Rebs. Sure, Arkansas is quite vulnerable to a Minnesota-like slide to the muck and the mire, but it was bound to happen anyway. And why are they bound to regress? Let's ask another question instead: Are Darren McFadden and Felix Jones going to be missed? HOLY LORD YES. To call Arkansas's offense moribund is an affront to the noble institution of death. Between the tailbacks' departure, Freddie Fairchild's descent into criminality, and terrible recruiting, the level of talent at Arkansas is the lowest in years. Even though Petrino's got a remarkable offensive pedigree, schematic overhauls don't happen overnight--especially not with Casey Dick at the helm. Expect gruesome pain in 2008. KENTUCKY WILDCATS Yes, the other team to beat national champion LSU is here in the 2008 Dregs, too. Idiot SEC Partisan Hack asks: "What does this say about Ohio State? Ninth in SEC? LOL LMAO!!!!!" Answer: Go ahead and put Kentucky and Arkansas up against the Buckeyes and see what happens. Thought so. Anyway, If Darren McFadden isn't the biggest departure in the SEC, then it must be Andre Woodson; losing him pushes Kentucky from "fringe contender" straight back to "punching bag." Their quarterback situation is a disaster, they don't get any scheduling favors, and Rich Brooks isn't a very good coach (though we're sure what he has to say about that appraisal). I don't see a single thing going for the Wildcats this year. OLE MISS REBELS > Let's be clear: it's incredibly tempting to write this part like departed coach Ed Orgeron. But Fanhouse is classier than that. Plus Everyday Should Be Lemsday would sue the nonexistent pants off us. Ole Miss welcomes Arkansas's coaching jetsam in the form of Houston Nutt this season, and Nutt inherits decades of weakness. If he thought recruiting in Arkansas was tough, imagine what happens when he sees the utter dearth of talent in Mississippi--and that's with an in-state rival, something Nutt enjoyed missing during his time with the Razorbacks. From a talent standpoint, the Rebs aren't quite in no-man's-land; Jevan Snead is a Texas transfer with a circus cannon for an arm, Michael Oher is an eraser at tackle, and Jerrell Powe is finally eligible. But other than the Jerry brothers, that's about it. BONUS: Check out the over self-congratulatory/despotic picture of Houston Nutt on the side of those pages. He is gregarious! He is above you! Admire his chin! DO AS HOUSTON COMMANDS! They're still fifth best in the SEC West, though. VANDERBILT SOMETHINGS Did you know Vandy was a downright formidable football program before WWII? No? Did you know they've won zero bowl games in the last 50 years? Yes? Yes. The Commodores are going to spend at least one more year pining for the good old days of 48-state America, as 2008 is shaping up to be another absolute zone of pain. Here's a comprehensive list of Vanderbilt's winnable games this season: 10/25 vs. Duke That's about it. They have one single all-conference-caliber player on their roster: CB/KR D.J. Moore (he's actually a bit of a badass). They lose four offensive linemen, including first-round human mountain Coach Bobby Johnson's career isn't in danger--it's already done. All that's left is the formalities. Sort of like Vandy's season, really.