The Fanhouse is live, sort of, from Chicago and the Big Ten Media days. These coach interviews actually went down yesterday but posting ten of them seemed a little much. There's a main page with the rest of 'em.

Tim Brewster has "tremendous optimisim" and is "very excited about the challenge." They had a group of kids who "competed very hard." They had a group of kids who "played their hearts out for the state of Minnesota."

They'd like to improve.

Actually referenced the recruiting rankings: 16th overall(?) and 3rd in the Big Ten. Decent offensively, a "very poor" defensive football team; they recruited "defensive football players" and signed "defensive football players" and now have "kids who can make a difference on the defensive side."

There is now a "tremendous commitment" to improve the defense. They spent the spring tackling the hell out of each other. Minnesotas "change will benefit us" as they go forward. He "feels the state's pain"(!!!) that Minnesota hasn't been to the Rose Bowl in 47 years. "Tremendous leadership" from the QB position ... I should really be typing all these quotes in ALL CAPS. Brewster believes the MOST IMPORTANT POSITION is quarterback, which, well, yeah... oh my God Tim slow down.

Adam Weber, interestingly, is an elected captain as a sophomore. Meanwhile, Brewster believes Eric Decker WILL BE ONE OF THE MOST OUTSTANDING RECEIVERS IN AMERICA. (Decker is actually damn good, but no one knows about him.) "If you really love football, football will love you back." Sorry. Should have capped that.

Brewster is now in minute seven of his "opening remarks"; he has 15 minutes total. Is he worried no one will ask him a question?

I mean... now he's talking about his punter as a "weapon." He's still talking. He is talking about every player who has seen the field. Aaaaand... no. "I couldn't be more excited with the new season." CORPORATE NAME stadium opens in 2009. "Tremendous advantage in recruiting." Who says Lloyd Carr wasn't influential?

Come on, Tim, just five more minutes. You can do it!

Nope. Now he's done.

Tim Kubat announces who he is and Brewster points, saying "I know you." They aren't changing their style or trying to do anything special or different, they're just going to try not to suck at it. Cedrick McKinley from Demopolis, Alabama is going to make them a better defense; some kid from Mississippi will also make them better.

How important is it for an "up and coming" Big Ten team to get off to a good start? "It is important to get off too a good start." Yay coaches. "You're 100% correct in that team psyche is fragile." The next guy who asks a question gets his first name shot back at him.

Marqueis Gray has just been compared to Vince Young. Now he has been canonized, as Brewster relates this exchange straight from the communist fantasies of every football coach:

"Marqueis, what are your immediate goals upon entering the University of Minnesota?"

"My only goal is to be the best teammate I can be."

A kid from the NU student newspaper asks if some of the "non-traditional powers" can upset the balance of power and Brewster looks at him very seriously for a moment, says "you're a young guy, aren't you?" and then details Minnesota accomplishments from before Brewster was born. You're a young guy, Brewster.

And that's all.

GENERAL IMPRESSION: Tim Brewster is TREMENDOUSLY EXCITED about this CHOCOLATE FLAVORED MANHOLE and ANYTHING ELSE YOU COULD POSSIBLY NAME.

MEDIA FRUSTRATION LEVEL: What media?