Birmingham Plans SEC-Themed Tourism Center, Which Cannot End Peacefully

Have you found yourself in central Alabama, wanting to celebrate the rich tradition of the entire SEC, even the really lousy teams that nobody really likes, and unable to find an appropriate venue to do so? Sure, we all have. But fret not, because better days rapidly approach:

The Memphis real estate company creating Birmingham's entertainment district wants to build a tourist attraction devoted to the Southeastern Conference. The venue would include a merchandise store, restaurant and catering services and an interactive history of the SEC.

An "interactive history?" Think of the possibilities!

• Darren McFadden's car
• An exhibit where you, too, can block Greg Gantt's punts
• The actual hobnailed boot used to break Tennessee's nose and crush their face
• Plaster casts of The Orgeron's footprints, replete with claws
• A copy of the petition filed by Kentucky in 1982 seeking all of Bear Bryant's Alabama titles to be retroactively awarded to Kentucky, on account of "we had him first." The measure failed 10-2, Auburn being the only school to join the Wildcats in voting "yea"
• Tee Martin in an electrified cage

The article also mentions that the center would include "a restaurant and catering facility with Southern food," and we'll just go ahead and assume that the waitresses all run a sub-4.5. After all, what's the point of getting a pitcher of sweet tea if it isn't delivered with ESS EEE CEE SPEEEEEED?

Oh, and we'll be absolutely stunned if this place doesn't engender dozens of fistfights on a daily basis.