This is always a difficult thing for college football fans, because everyone knows that Oregon is the be-all and end-all of hideous uniforms. They've been rocking their day-glo green and yellow combinations for decades, mixing in smatterings of black, white and truck-bed gray whenever the mood strikes them, which is constantly. There's no debate: Oregon has the worst uniforms in college football and probably in the entirety of sport. So, yeah. Brian Grummell highlighted five of the ugliest Oregon unis of all time in a separate post. The rest of the world is just trying to finish second.
You may notice that many of these "worst uniforms of all time" are recent creations. There is a simple reason for this and it resides in Oregon: Nike.
Dishonorable Mention: Penn State. What? Penn State? Yes. It's no coincidence that uncommitted recruits in EA's NCAA series have helmets that look like PSU's, as Penn State's uniform is really more of an absence of style than anything else. What one perceives as clean, classic, and unadorned is just boring to another. The kicker: you can trace the irritating trend of teams removing names from the back of their uniforms, thus confusing onlookers as to just who the hell is who on your newly "unified" team full of team players who play on a team right back to the Nittany Lion getups. While the PSU uniforms don't rise to the level of horror the following do, they're always amongst the most overrated uniforms in college.
5. The Nike One-Shoulder Look. This can't be blamed on one team. Rather, these hideous creations are the fault of Nike's phantasmagoric uniform torture lab, which decided it would be really cool to make some football teams look like stormtroopers.


Miami, Virginia Tech, and a few others obliged; the results were eye-melting. Though these are legendarily ugly, points are taken off because they were a one-time stunt.
4. BYU Wanna Cookie, Must Finish Sippy Cup To Get It. College football players have a reputation as being large, immature people who may be more boy than man, but this is taking it a bit far:

Unless you're really into lobster or two years old, a bib is never a good look.
3. We're Green Beer. Notre Dame's blue and gold is an iconic combination. Though many hate the Irish, none can seriously claim that they don't look good whilst getting whomped on whenever they play real competition. Unless, of course, it's a game so big Notre Dame busts out these monstrosities:

Gold helmets, gold pants, gold numbers, and green jerseys. Bleah. And it's not like the lucky charms -- they're always after me green jerseys -- actually work. Whenever the Irish have donned the green jerseys the past couple decades they've lost in them. It got so bad that last year ND broke them out against Army to break the hex.
2. "M" is for "Minnesota"; the other "M" is for "aaaargh my eyes".

Assuming the Ms on the helmet and pants are symmetrical, that means there are a grand total of six of the ugly slanted Minnesota Ms on this abomination. Yuck.
1. Clemson Would Like To Share A Song. Clemson hadn't rocked all purple since the 1930s until last year against Georgia Tech, and while the end result of their experiment was a big win over the then ACC leaders, they did not look maaaaahvelous:

Popsicle? Or Barney wannabes? Either way, these should come with a biohazard warning.




















Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
6-05-2007 @ 7:32PM
tikritpd said...
You dont know style if you think Oregon Unies are "ugly". They're distinct, and are so beyond "tacky" - the same way Miami Hurricane Unies are - that those Oregon/Nike Unies are actually cool-lookin (most of them, anyway).
The Ugliest Unies in Division 1A football...
5. The entire list of teams in C-USA (UAB has a "Dragon" on their helmets...)
4. Geo Tech Yellow Jackets (Puke-Yellow is not a good look)
3. La Tech Bulldogs (how could they fugk-up "red, white, and blue" so badly!?)
2. Tennessee Volunteers (Pink-Orange shouldnt be allowed in football)
1. Wyoming Cowboys ("S"-brown color)
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6-05-2007 @ 7:58PM
Clem said...
I personally liked the Clemson Purple Uni's and have to say that if they are busting on Penn State for bland uni's they might as well put anything that ND wears in that column as well.
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6-05-2007 @ 10:13PM
Mike said...
I'd have to vote for the Notre Dame Green jerseys of the late 70s as the ugliest thing I've ever seen. The yellow in the numerals and the "Disco" Green shade of the jersey, made them look like an old jar of pickles. The darker green that Charlies uses and the gold numerals that match the pants is much better and easier to look at without getting queasy.
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6-05-2007 @ 11:30PM
Joel said...
When I saw Brian Cook was posting about The Worst College Football Uniforms Of All Time, the first thing I thought to myself was, "I wonder how he'll take this opportunity to talk trash about Notre Dame." You're way too predictable, Brian.
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6-06-2007 @ 1:16AM
shirley gamble said...
I have to agree oregon,s uniforms are wost. I think oregon state,s are not too far behind
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6-06-2007 @ 2:00AM
shirley gamble said...
penn state jersey,s are not ugly. They are so blank as to be almost non existant
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6-06-2007 @ 9:01AM
andrew said...
Joel, get a life. the fact is that the notre green unis ARE ugly (although I wasn't aware of the even uglier ones that Mike mentions. ooh, a Michigan fan took a shot at notre dame. big surprise and big deal. does that invalidate his point? nope.
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6-06-2007 @ 11:48AM
Don said...
E! called, they'd like to book you for weekend roundups with Joan Collins. Are you guys forced to post stupid shit in the offseason?
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6-06-2007 @ 10:53AM
Tom said...
I moved to Knoxville 18 years ago and I'll tell you I still can't get used to the "BIG ORANGE" uniforms especially the all orange one. The funniest thing to see in the mall is people dressed in the all orange jogging outfits, man you can see them coming for a mile away. Come on who picked that sissy orange anyway? Oh by the way I'm a Nittany Lion Fan and I would rather put up with the "milkman" uniforms before that orange.
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6-06-2007 @ 4:50PM
Otm Shank said...
Brian, I'm disappointed. You managed to work your ND obsession into this post, but why no Brady Quinn bashing? I mean, the Lucky Charms-Notre Dame connection is comic gold, and original, but you could at least have mentioned how gay Brady looks in his gold pants. You're slipping.
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6-07-2007 @ 5:42AM
Eddie said...
Hey Brian, some of your choices for ugliest uniforms are right on the money, but if you say that Minnesota's uniforms are ugly you have to include in the mix the University of Southern California, Minnesota's little sister school of maroon and mustard.USC's uniforms are down right "BUTT UGLY", and if the uniforms are not ugly enough for you then just go to an SC home game where they paint Memorial Coliseum with those hideous colors.I can't believe you did not include USC in the ugliest color contest.
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6-07-2007 @ 11:30AM
TomR said...
You need to look up Iowa's late 90's unis that had the giant logo on the front. Disgusting.
http://weather.ou.edu/~jlee/TimMSU.jpg
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6-07-2007 @ 6:07PM
Adam said...
I agree with the poster who mentioned Wyoming's brownish-yellowish uniforms. It's a good thing almost nobody outside of Laramie has actually scene the Pokes when wearing these uniforms, because there would really be a massive public backlash. It's really a shame though, because I happen to think their "white" uniforms are some of the best in college football.
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6-08-2007 @ 8:11AM
TBone said...
Maize and blue is very corny.
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6-08-2007 @ 10:49AM
ShoalCreekVol said...
That Penn State fan's crack on the all-orange Tennessee uni's is ridiculous, since they only wore them on certain occasions and they dropped it altogether close to 20 years ago. On a related note it makes me sick that PSU gets credit for "simplicity" when the reality is they can't come up with anything. They've got a cool cat-head-sideways-in-a-football logo but refuse to actually use it. BTW if you are talking true ugly, you can't leave off Michigan's helmets. Yes I know they are classics, but NO ONE looks at those monstrocities and thinks "wow, what totally cool-looking helmets!" Also UCLA has to win the gayest uni award...
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6-08-2007 @ 12:25PM
thesacredchipmunk said...
Um, actually, a lot of people think the Michigan helmet is cool.
http://espn.go.com/melkiper/s/2002/0711/1404492.html
http://www.classiccolaforthesoul.com/musial-college-football-uniforms
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6-09-2007 @ 1:43AM
thegr81 said...
I live in jacksonville florida and clemsons purple uniforms look like our division III EWC Wildcats uniforms. and thats not a good thing ebcause they suck and so do their uniforms!
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6-09-2007 @ 9:01PM
rembrandt said...
scattershot comments based on taste (which, of course, non est disputandum) don't get uniform fans/critics very far. some people like green, some hate it; some like purple, some hate it. (gotta say, though, clemson's purple AND ORANGE is a little weird.) operating principles are called for, so i'll offer a few:
1. don't mix trad with new on the same uniform, e.g., pointy or slanted graphics on jerseys combined with old-fashioned block numerals.
2. generally, avoid asymmetry, e.g., florida's one orange shoulder.
3. jersey side panels are a problem, cuz they get twisted out of whack with continuations down the side of pants.
4. limit two fonts per uni.
5. no little helmet merit badges. late in the season, ohio state looks like a convention of pot growers.
6. name of the school or nickname fairly large on the front of the jersey looks tacky.
7. aim for some consistency or overall look. except for having the same color combo (ol' pus 'n' blood), USC helmets, jerseys and pants look like they came from different catalogues.
8. all dark or intensely colored unis (e.g., cincy's black jerseys over black pants) look tacky, like long underwear.
9. numerals look better straight up and down, as opposed to BC's slanty ones.
10. finally, player names above the numerals are tacky, too. yeah, the pros do it (thanks to the old AFL), but college teams that don't somehow look classy. and names prompt the question: then what the hell are the numbers for?
darrell (sp?) royal was once asked why his univ. of texas unis were so plain. "football uniforms," he said, "are workin' clothes."
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6-11-2007 @ 4:37PM
ShoalCreekVol said...
SacredChipmunk, You've been eating some funky nuts or something. The "a lot of people" you are talking about is #1 Mel Kiper (whose taste is reflected in his hair-helmet) and #2 a Michigan fan. Good job Einstein.
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6-15-2007 @ 7:15PM
Don James said...
Washington Huskies have some of the worst uniforms ever. The current rendition of them are okay but the early and mid 90's unis are terrrible and look very 80's.
Purple helmets. Purple pants or those yellowish pants. Not even close. Wyoming is still the worst though. By the way Penn St, Michigan, Notre Dame and all the classic schools have overrated uniforms. It's like somebody said, I know let's blue and mix white in there. Very creative.
The fact is if you line up 18yr old kids, the first one they would choose is the U of Miami, Oregon, Oregon State or USC. They like to stand out from the crowd.
Wyoming should be
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